08/30/2026
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(TL;DR No smoking on the main lodge porch. Gotta have your doggos on a leash, clean up their tribute to alimentary health)
Good afternoon campers! It is I, your head counselor, writing to you from the secret OutSideCon base deep beneath the surface of the Earth. It’s almost time and I hope you’re as excited by that as I am. In truth, I dream about it at least once a week year-round. No, really. Sometimes it’s our beloved campground as it is, sometimes it’s a campground that, as far as I know, has never existed, but… There’s always the same group of wonderful people, smiling and laughing and lounging in the woods, and there’s always a body of water nearby.
Anyway, as much as I want to write at length about what we have in store for you this year I am, alas, obliged to go over a couple of rules that technically aren’t new, but ones which we have been lax in observing in years past.
1. Smoking. Smoking is permitted in TN State Parks in any open-air area including the pavilion where Hallowcon does their Saturday night shindig. It is NOT allowed inside of any enclosed structure like cabins, the main lodge, or the bathrooms. We all know that already. Here’s the part we’ve missed: Tennessee state government policy bans smoking within fifty feet of any entrance of state-owned or leased facilities.
That means NO SMOKING ON THE FRONT PORCH OF THE LODGE. I know some people are going to be upset, others are not, and it is irrelevant either way because this is the rule set by the state.
“But Marc, we’ve never worried about that before!”
That’s correct, we haven’t, but we’ve also had the same P.O.C. at the park for many years now. Since last year she has retired, which means we have a new, younger, and more zealous about rule enforcement contact person, so we are going to mind our P’s and Q’s. Now…don’t despair you smoking types. I’m planning to bring a canopy to set up an appropriate distance from the entrance that will serve as your “hanging out and smoking” tent. I’ll even throw in some lights, a table, and PLENTY OF RECEPTACLES for butts and ashes. I’m emphasizing that last one because during Sunday cleanup last year I personally picked up two cartons worth of nasty cigarette butts on and around the porch despite there having been plenty of receptacles for the same. Gonna need to do better on that.
2. Dogs. OutSideCon has always been and will always be dog (and other pet) friendly. All are welcome. But again, there is a pesky Tennessee State Law which says that within the confines of the park, “Dogs must be on a leash, crated, or caged at all times.” Now, between you and me, if you’re pitching a ball or frisbee or otherwise engaged in some romp during which YOU are in the company and control of your critter, you’re fine by me, but at any other time your doggo needs to be on a leash or other means of “physical restrictive control.” We WANT you to bring your fur babies, we WANT them to have as good a time as anyone, but…we can no longer allow them to roam freely. That has the potential to be big trouble, especially if they start chasing the local fauna. Don’t get me wrong, when a friend’s tiny dog-like creature took off snarling and growling at a herd of deer several years ago, it was hilarious, but the park rangers won’t think so.
Also…you need to manage your animal’s…leavings. Again, this is state law, but on a personal level nothing is so awful as walking happily barefoot through the grass and encountering Mr. Fluffy’s Chocolate Covered Poo Bomb. Scoop the p**p is what we’re saying.
While I am sincerely sorry if this causes any undo stress or unhappiness, I am, but at the same time there is no debate, these are STATE rules, not something arbitrary I dreamed up on a bad day at work, and we have new management in the park. My experience with new management in ANY context is that you can expect full-on enforcement of rules that may have been ignored by previous folks.
We will be updating our signed waivers to reflect these new (to us) rules and I truly hope this doesn’t spoil anyone’s day but we’ve worked very hard (and quite successfully) to be in the good graces of the folks who run our beloved Monkey Bell, and we’re going to keep doing that so that OutSideCon keeps it’s proper home in perpetuity.
If you have any questions feel free to reach out to myself or Bryanna. If you would like to lodge a complaint, please see the head of our complaints division, Robert Embler, counselor cabin number one.
