03/14/2025
Growing from Adversity
Sarah Winnig, MA
“When you fall off a horse, get back on.”
“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”
These quotes sound nice, but might leave you wondering: How? How do I get back on the horse, make lemonade, or try again? The answer lies in resilience.
Resilience means using inner strength to work through and grow from challenges and crises. This is what allows a person to “bounce back” after anything from a minor rejection to a major life setback.
No one is born resilient—it's a learned skill. With practice, anyone can become resilient. More than anything, resilience comes from mindset. By controlling how you think about a situation, you can control how you respond to it.
Focus on What You Can Control
During times of crisis, it’s common to feel overwhelmed and powerless. It may feel like everything is out of control, and there’s nothing you can do. For this reason, it’s beneficial to recognize that there are things within your control. Resilience comes from managing the things within your control while accepting the things you cannot control.
Acceptance won’t necessarily come easily, but you can work toward it. For example, practicing mindfulness can help you accept things as they are, without trying to change them or push them away. Focusing on what you can control is a skill, and the more you practice, the better you will get.
Resilient mindset:
A person loses their job and reflects on what is in their control and what is not. They recognize they couldn’t control their boss’s moods, but they could improve their own work ethic and relationships with coworkers. Going forward, they know they don’t have control over where they’ll be hired, but they can control the effort they put into the job search.
Defeated mindset:
A person loses their job and fails to take any responsibility. They blame everything on their boss. Going forward, they don’t feel they have control over finding another job. They feel hopeless—if they don’t have any control, why bother trying?
Resilience-building questions
“What aspects of the situation are within my control?”
“What are two things I can do to improve the situation?”
“What are two things I cannot control and have to accept?”
Adopt a Growth Mindset
There are countless ways to view the events in your life. Depending on the perspective you take, the same situation might carry completely different meanings.
Resilience comes from viewing hardships as opportunities for growth. This mindset is developed by looking for the upside of difficult situations—even when that is hard to do. This doesn’t mean you see the situation as entirely positive (or even mostly positive). Instead, you recognize there are at least some positive things you can take from the situation.
Summary
Resilience is about working through challenges and coming out even stronger. You can develop resilience by focusing on what you can control, adopting a growth mindset, facing your fears, and defining your values.
