10/04/2013
Here is the text from our most recent newsletter:
Babies with Down Syndrome
We were contacted by the National Down Syndrome Adoption Network about a “possible situation that may be coming.” We appreciate that they contacted us with an understanding that a Jewish baby with Down syndrome should preferably be placed in a Jewish home. As we go to press, we have not yet heard about any situation actually coming to fruition, but we would appreciate any of our readers who might be interested in considering adopting a baby with Down syndrome to contact NDSAN through their website (www.ndsan.org) or on their page (www.facebook.com/dsadoption), but also please update us at the JCAN about your availability for such a baby.
Update, please!
Many of our registrants have recently dropped their land lines and only use cell phones. If this applies to you and you haven’t given us your current phone number, please let us know. Unfortunately, it is difficult if not impossible to find cell phone numbers on line (or in a phone book!), so if we only have your land line number and you have switched to a cell phone, we may not be able to reach you when we hear of a situation we’d like to talk to you about. Unfortunately, this has happened on several occasions.
Charity Boxes
We were very fortunate to be able to get a bunch
of these cute pushkas (charity boxes). If you’d like one
so you can put your change in it for the JCAN, just drop
us a line, call, write, e-mail, etc, and we’ll send one to you.
When it is full, you can empty it, count up the change and
send us a check in the amount that was in there and we
will send you a receipt of thanks for your support of our
important work.
Heroes
Over the past years we have had the great fortune to meet so many heroes - people who are willing to do their utmost for children in need of permanent homes. With Rosh Hashona approaching, we wanted to especially acknowledge Kristi Oman, who has not only adopted two kids with special needs, but has become a resource for others with questions about an adoption situation. So, our hats off to Kristi for being a true hero for kids!
New York State Foster and Adoption Services
The New York State Citizens' Coalition for Children (NYSCCC) received grants from the New York State Parent for Every Child project and from the Viola Bernard Foundation to develop a foster care and adoption services directory for New York families. While they believe that they have put together a useful tool, they would love to get feed back from people involved with adoption. If you have the time, won’t you log on to their website (http:nysccc.org), look at the information in their services directory, and then fill out their survey. We know they’d appreciate it. We’d also encourage organizations in other states to look at the New York directory and see if they could create a similar resource for families in their states.
Adoption and Jewish Identity Project
The Adoption and Jewish Identity Project (AJIP), directed by Dr Jennifer Sartori and Dr Jayne Guberman has completed a survey of American Jewish adoptive families, and plans to release some of their data in the near future. We are looking forward to seeing their results. Meanwhile, they are seeking stories of young adult adoptees (ages 18 to 36) that have been raised in American Jewish families, at whatever level of identification they may have with the Jewish community If you are interested, you can find more information about their project on their page (https://www.facebook.com/adoptionandjewishidentity) as well as a link to a questionnaire that leads into their story collecting program.
Open Adoption
We so often we are called by people looking into adoption for the first time, who are worried about “open adoption”. They think that that means that the birth family will have unlimited contact with them and their child and will interfere with how they parent, or may even want to take their child back. The reality is that open adoption varies significantly from one case to another, but it can range from occasional contact (sometimes in person, sometimes through the mail, even through an intermediary) to the adoptive family inviting the birth family to participate in life events and be an ongoing presence in the life of their child. The level of openness is something negotiated between the families, and it can be re-evaluated over time if necessary. We believe there should always be some amount of openness, so that information about the birth family is there for the adoptive family and the adoptee, as needed.
Reaching Us by Phone
If you call the JCAN at its regular number, 303-573-8113, but we are not in our office to answer the phone, it will transfer to our cell phone after about 4 rings, so please give the phone at least 6 rings before you decide we are no longer in existence!; also, if we happen to be driving down the highway when the call goes to our cell phone, we just won’t be able to answer, so your call will go to voicemail. Please feel free to leave a message and we’ll get back to you at our earliest convenience.
"No one is useless in this world
who lightens the burden of another."
- Charles Dickens
Adoptee's Perspective:
10 Things Adoptive Parents Should Know
By Christina Romo
1. Adoption is not possible without loss. Losing one's birth parents is the most traumatic form of loss a child can experience. That loss will always be a part of me. It will shape who I am and will have an effect on my relationships-especially with you.
2. Love isn't enough in adoption, but it certainly makes a difference. Tell me every day that I am loved-especially on the days when I am not particularly lovable.
3. Show me-through your words and your actions-that you are willing to weather any storm with me. I have a difficult time trusting people, due to the losses I have experienced in my life. Show me that I can trust you. Keep your word. I need to know that you are a safe person in my life, and that you will be there when I need you and when I don't need you.
4. I will always worry that you will abandon me, no matter how often you tell me or show me otherwise. The mindset that “people who love me will leave me” has been instilled in me and will forever be a part of me. I may push you away to protect myself from the pain of loss. I need you to fight like crazy to show me that you will never give up on me.
5. Even though society says it is PC to be color-blind, I need you to know that race matters. My race will always be a part of me, and society will always see me by the color of my skin. I need you to help me learn about my race and culture of origin, because it's important to me. Members of my race and culture of origin may reject me because I'm not “black enough” or “Asian enough”, but if you help arm me with pride in who I am and the tools to cope, it will be okay. I don't look like you, but you are my parent and I need you to tell me that it's okay to be different. I have experienced many losses in my life. Please don't allow the losses of my race and culture of origin to be among them.
6. I need you to be my advocate. There will be people in our family, our school, our church, our community, our medical clinic, etc. who don't understand adoption and my special needs. I need you to help educate them about adoption and special needs, and I need to know that you have my back.
7. At some point during our adoption journey, I may ask about or want to search for my birth family. Not having that kind of connection to someone has left a void in my life. You will always be my family and you will always be my parent. If I ask about or search for my birth family, it doesn't mean I love you any less. Knowing about my birth family may help me feel more complete.
8. Please don't expect me to be grateful for having been adopted. I endured a tremendous loss before becoming a part of your family. I don't want to live with the message that “you saved me and I should be grateful” hanging over my head. Adoption is about forming forever families-it shouldn't be about “saving” children.
9. Don't be afraid to ask for help. I may need help in coping with the losses I have experienced and other issues related to adoption. It's okay and completely normal. If the adoption journey becomes overwhelming for you, it's important for you to seek help, as well. Join support groups and meet other families who have adopted. These opportunities will help normalize and validate what we are going through.
10. Adoption is different for everyone. Please don't compare me to other adoptees. Rather, listen to their experiences and develop ways in which you can better support me and my needs. Please respect me as an individual and honor my adoption journey as my own. I need you to always keep an open mind and an open heart with regard to adoption. Our adoption journey will never end, and no matter how bumpy the road may be and regardless of where it may lead, the fact that we traveled this road together, will make all the difference.
Christina Romo is an adoptee who was adopted from South Korea at age 2.
She works for a child welfare organization and lives in Minnesota with her husband and their two sons. This piece was posted on her blog, Diary of a Not-So-Angry Asian Adoptee (http://diaryofanotsoangryasianadoptee.wordpress.com/).
Best wishes for a Happy New Year
“Happiness is not attained through self-gratification,
but through fidelity to a worthwhile purpose”
-Helen Keller
