07/18/2024
✨Birth Trauma Awareness Week✨
The day my daughter was born was not one of the happiest days of my life. I said what I said.
In fact, I really don’t even remember it. From what I do know, the days leading up, what happened during, and after has made it one of the scariest and most traumatic days ever. Those of you who are familiar with our story, know I was life flighted from Beaumont to Houston on September 26, 2019 due to internal bleeding. Once the doctors were able to stabilize my vascular deformity, I was kept in L&D until the last week of October. Just when my team thought I was stable enough to be moved to antepartum, everything changed. My deformity got larger, the wall of my uterus that was at risk of rupture got thinner, and nutrient supply in the umbilical cord to my baby got worse. I was scheduled for a C-Section 2 days later, on Halloween. Caroline was only 28 weeks and 2 days. Her due date wasn’t until the end of January.
What do you do when you’re told you may not make it through the birth of your child? How do you feel when your body has worked against the very thing it was made to do?
My doctors worked together starting from the morning after I arrived on a game plan to get Caroline out without me bleeding out to death on the table. I was told that they had a very small window of just a few minutes to cut me open, get her out, and perform a hysterectomy before I would be gone.
I ended up needing about 6 units of blood and platelets, and by the grace of God survived the surgery.
My husband, Chance, was put in some sort of a lounge. He had already been told that I may not make it through the night just a few weeks prior during the life flight, and here he was again in the exact same position. The doctor who performed my surgery walked in afterwards not realizing that he was in there, covered in my blood.
I was put in the ICU. I didn’t get to meet my baby that I literally fought until near death to keep growing. She was absolutely perfect. She scored a 9 out of 10 on her APGAR tests, and didn’t even need oxygen right away. I begged and begged to see her, but Chance was able to send photos and FaceTime. Little did we know just how precious that time I missed out on would be. Caroline passed just two days later.
All of this to say….
Birth trauma comes in all different forms.
Your trauma is valid.
Your PTSD doesn’t make you over-dramatic.
It’s okay to talk about it.
You are NOT alone. Chances are your partner is also feeling the trauma in their own way.
As someone who is nearly 5 years on the other side of the experience, get some help sooner rather than later. Research counselors and therapists in your area who specialize in post partum, PTSD, etc. Let those close to you know that you are NOT okay. Pretending that you are keeps you from healing. Let yourself feel the emotions, and get the help you need to heal❤️✨
He is still good.
