Peaceful Solutions LLC

04/30/2019

Still important!

10/17/2018

https://tammylenski.com/the-body-in-the-suitcase-and-the-conflict-stories-we-tell/

When we get into a conflict with someone, it’s natural to replay our experience of the conflict, both in our minds and as we tell others about it. Over time, this replay can begin to feel like The Truth About What Happened. But it isn’t. “Maybe he’s got a body in there,” mused my husband. ...

08/21/2018

How conflict makes us hypocritical. Interesting article.

I’ve noticed that when people are in the destructive conflict cycle, the other side always seems hypocritical. This is a natural feature of the weakness and self-absorption that characterize destructive conflict. Check out these examples: Al: Hey, how about some respect for the office of the Presi...

08/01/2018

A true love relationship is all contribution and no scorecard. If you couldn't love that person in a wheelchair with nothing but love in their eyes to prove who they are to you, you don't have love yet. Keep working.

07/06/2018

Got conflict? Who Doesn't?!
Find one of my Peace Rocks in Cabot for a free consult!😎

06/24/2018

Impasse is a perfect time to renegotiate your terms because you have everything and nothing to lose.

06/19/2018

GOT CONFLICT? Who doesn't? get some communication tools at my next free workshops! Cabot Library Community Room, 2-4-p.m. Saturday June 30; or 5-7 p.m. Monday July 2. Message me here to sign up. PEACE ROCKS!!

06/11/2018

Boundaries. At the heart of conflict, whether in families or nations, are assumptions about boundaries. It is in the intimacy of close relationship that boundaries are most misunderstood. For instance, imagine I love to share baby pictures of my children with everyone. That's normal, right?

But maybe when they become adults, and they are very particular about whether an embarrassing picture is posted to FB or shared with a new boyfriend, I am now crossing boundaries to share some of these baby pictures. My narrative about being their mother has clashed with their boundaries as autonomous adults.

We can't know what we've done to push a boundary unless we ask, and we have to be open to the answer. No matter how close we are in relationship, we have to respect the boundary of the Other. This is an act of love.

05/31/2018

Find this Peace Rock in Cabot for a free hour of conflict, employment, or life coaching!! Send me a message here at peacefulsolutionsLLC when you find it!

05/14/2018

Here are some more steps for making space to discuss how you communicate with each other right now:

• Discuss how are you going to balance power and give value to each person’s role in the relationship. If one partner goes to work and one partner raises children, there is power in both roles that must be acknowledged, encouraged, and respected. Conversely, if both people work outside the home, then discussion may center around dividing family roles fairly. This should be discussed even if there are (as yet) no children. Life comes at you fast.
Never, ever, ever forget to discuss how you will discuss finances. Money is the number one problem people don’t talk about, and there can be a high price to pay for not discussing it. Next to parenting, money is the number one area in which you are unlikely to have any common ground of experience with your partner. Family history, cultural attitudes, and temperaments all converge around our feelings about money. This, in part, is why it’s so important to set the stage for discussing it. There’s emotional stuff connected to it, sometimes going back generations. We don't let go of generational emotions easily.

05/09/2018

https://lenski.com/the-gift-of-anger-between-friends/

What if fighting in a relationship is a signal that something is right instead of wrong? This story illustrates how fights can signal healthy relationships.

05/07/2018

The local school system is asking voters to increase millage rate to bring more security to the schools. This brought me to thinking about the problem of self-control. If we are not taught and consistently modeled self-control, we use manipulation, bullying and exploitation to control others. This leads to one important key to conflict of every kind. Every single person is only in control (or not) of themselves.
You may have some socially understood control and responsibility to control your children of a certain age for the purpose of teaching them self-control. You cannot, however, hope to control them once they reach an age of autonomy.
every other relationship you have must acknowledge the freedom the "other" has to respond is whatever way they want to your feelings, attitudes, desires and needs.