I was incarcerated within the Illinois Department of Corrections for over 32 years. During my time, I both witnessed and endured atrocities that should not be subjected upon humans or any life form for that matter. As someone who has spent the last 28 of my 30+ years of incarceration being a jailhouse lawyer and helping hundreds of prisoners deal with their legal issues, I believe that it is time
to act upon what has been on my mind for the last couple of years. In 2014, I wrote myself a reminder as to why I need to keep picking myself up and get back into the struggle when life pushes me down. I wrote:
"There are a few times in each of our lives when there arises a problem-solving opportunity that allows us to show others that we are capable of performing a function that benefits the whole of our society. It is by what we have been observed to do, when the opportunity has presented itself, that supports a judgment for or against us by others. For in the eyes of others, it is that we are either viewed to persevere through inner strength and courage, no matter the opposition, or become self-actualized despots of our personal failure by succumbing to fear and thoughts of inadequacy.”
and this reminder hold true for me even today. Over the decades, I have been figuratively and literally humiliated, bound, gagged, and tortured by those paid to prevent such atrocities. When I decided that I would not be a victim and speak about what I have endured, I was told to shut up and retaliated against. Good luck shutting me up because I have learned that only by speaking of what I have been subjected too, could I in fact free myself from torment and create a fear in my tormentors. Bullies only have power over you as long as you do not speak. As such, when I speak now, those who told me to shut up are now the ones to be quiet out of an understanding that I have proven time and time again that I will use what they say against them in a court of law. History has shown over the last few decades that the General Public didn't really want to hear about what goes on behind prison walls, but things have changed. Today, watchdog organizations such as Restore Justice Illinois, John Howard Association, Illinois Prison Project, and Stateville Speaks, to name a few, are listening and acting on information provided to them by prisoners and thier families through their networks of people wanting to be involved and lobbying on prisoners' behalf. While incarcerated I requested my peers to pick up a pen and let the ink fly; tell thier story of what they had endured while incarcerated; the more a problem is discussed the better the chance of finding a solution. All to often, I heard guys tell me that 'even though some prison official did them wrong, they are just going to accept it and hope nothing else will happen.' If you don't stand up for yourself, how can you expect someone else to do it? People get tired of trying to help someone who won’t help themselves; I speak form experience. Hains III
President of Renew Foundation USA, Inc.
