Alaska Going Blue with America

01/04/2021

06/10/2020

https://www.facebook.com/186797288490038/posts/867403890429371/

Defund the police? How would that work out?

911: 911, how can I help you?

Citizen: There's two armed men trying to break into my home!

911: Oh, wow. That's really a bummer. Do you have a gun?

Citizen: No. I don't.

911: Uh-oh. That's really bad.

Citizen: Can you just send some police?

911: No, we can't do that. After defunding the officers we are down to only one officer on Tuesday and Thursdays from noon to 3, but he only does paperwork. Plus, it's Friday.

Citizen: What am I supposed to do? They are almost in!

911: Well, you should have seen a flyer posted on the telephone poles in your neighborhood.

Citizen: I didn't see them. What do they say?

911: We've gone to "community relations oversight."

Citizen: Instead of the police?

911: Yes.

Citizen: Well what am I supposed to do?

911: I will check out the closest community relations advocate. Hold please.

[MUZAK version of F@$& the Police plays for three minutes]

911: Okay, sorry about the wait. It seems as though the closest community relations advocate is just 3 blocks down. I will send her over. Her name is Ethel Jones. I met her in our training. She's amazing. It may take her a bit though since she's 82, doesn't drive, and uses a walker to get around.

Citizen: What the heck? John Legend and Jane Fonda told me we should defund the police but I didn't know it meant that I would be in danger!

911: Well, if anyone can talk them out of killing you and robbing your home, it's Ethel.

[GUNSHOTS in the background]

911: Hello? Hello? Hello?

——
Photo: Getty, Ira Black

04/13/2020

01/28/2020

https://www.facebook.com/186797288490038/posts/770148656821562/

01/26/2020

https://www.facebook.com/186797288490038/posts/769323406904087/

The city of Little Rock was ruled to be in contempt of court after failing to follow through on a judge’s order to reinstate a police officer who was fired.