Our goal is to help grieving toddler loss mamas navigate this incredibly painful time with the support from other mamas who have also lost their toddler suddenly. On June 2, 2019, my life was forever changed and it was a day that started out just like any other normal day. We were a happy and healthy family of three returning home from our weekend away at the beach. After dinner we took our 17-mon
th-old daughter, Adalyn, on bike ride. Adalyn loved to be outside and she loved when we would go for a bike ride. She would babble and giggle as the wind blew her baby fine blonde hair. That evening while we waited, on the sidewalk, to cross the street a drugged driver jumped the curb and ran us over. Adalyn passed away. My husband, Dane, suffered a catastrophic brain injury. He spent 221 days in the area’s local Level One Trauma Center, 264 days in a brain and spinal cord rehabilitation center, and now currently resides in a memory care center where he will likely live the rest of his days. My right leg was severely broken in two places. It took me almost a year to be able to walk unassisted. I suffer from debilitating PTSD and dissociative events because I laid on the sidewalk watching the whole scene unfold but was unable to move, unable to get to either one of them, unable to do anything other than scream. As it turns out, the worst pain was still waiting for me when I was discharged from the same hospital that my husband remained in. I would have to go to the funeral home and make arrangements. I would have to go and say goodbye to our daughter, reminding her how much her Mama and Dada loved her. I would have to pick floral arrangements, plan her service, and attend her service all while my husband laid in the ICU fighting for his life. After her service, the shock slowly started to wear off. People that had come to visit or had come to attend her service went home and I was left with my new reality. I was amazed to learn that there was no help for mothers that lose their toddler. There is help for mothers that suffer a miscarriage (I suffered one before having Adalyn), there is help for mothers who have babies born sleeping, and for mothers who lose their baby in the early weeks to months of life. There is not help for the mothers that lose their toddler. I wholeheartedly believe that we all go through the same steps of grief and some times in no particular order. I also believe that there are steps we will revisit many times over in our journey through grief. Grief is a journey that is intimate the the person suffering the loss and grief is the same regardless of who we lose. Loss however, loss varies and it varies greatly. In the beginning of my grief journey I longed for another mother to tell me that she understood me, that this pain would not always feel suffocating, that I could and would survive but not without hitting rock bottom a few times and that was perfectly ok. Toddler loss isn’t infant loss. Toddler’s are little people with distinctive personalities. They have likes and dislikes, they have favorite toys, foods, and bedtime stories, they also call you “Mama”. The fact that there is little to no help for these mothers broke my heart. It was isolating and often made me question what I had done wrong to lose my toddler because it obviously didn’t happen to others. The truth is, I had done nothing wrong. I was not the only mother to lose her toddler. While I would still feel disconnected from the world I once knew, I could and would survive this nightmare that was now my reality. This is the reason Acts For Adalyn was created. Adalyn was beautiful both inside and out. She was sweet, smart, funny, and kind. She changed my life because I wanted to be better for her. I wanted to give her someone to lookup to and to be proud of. Adalyn brightened the lives of everyone that knew her and many others that she only ever crossed paths with in her 17 short months. Though her life was short, she made a big impact and she would leave behind a legacy of help for others who would have to suffer through the worst day of a mother’s life, she would leave behind a Mama with the passion to make a difference. Acts For Adalyn helps to care for mother’s that lose their toddler (ages 12 months to 48 months) both tragically and suddenly. The first part of care is the Bunny provided to the mother for something to hold onto. This bunny has a zipper in the back and the mother can place a small urn inside or a special sentiment from their child so that it makes them feel like they are holding their child again in some small way. We hope to help offset the costs of the unexpected funeral expense, help with service planning, and provide the support the mother needs to get through the day of the service. After the service, when everyone goes home and reality begins to set in we hope to be able to customize plans that help that particular grieving mother the most. We will help by offering a variety of services from grocery gift cards to physically doing their grocery shopping. Each mother will require different support from us and we are prepared. The three directors of the foundation are all loss moms. We will have support groups for the mother’s to attend, where they will be able to meet other mother’s who are also surviving the unimaginable. We will offer individual counseling because grief counseling is one of the most important steps to surviving toddler loss. Acts For Adalyn Foundation will help toddler loss mothers in ways that have never been available to them before. We will help them feel connected to a world that they will now question because nothing about what has happened to them makes sense. We will help them to see that they are not alone. That they can and they will survive this. That they will come to know a knew reality that is filled with more pain than can ever be expressed but there is still joy and beauty in the world. As loss mamas ourselves, we have been on three very different grief journeys, and we hope that our journeys, will in some small way, make a difference to the mother who is just embarking on facing the unimaginable. If you would like to donate to Acts For Adalyn Foundation you can currently do so through Venmo: actsforadalyn or you can mail checks to 851 S State Road 434, Ste. 1070-187, Altamonte Springs, FL 32714. We are currently working on the webpage and the donate button on FaceBook. Thank you for your support!
