09/03/2026
Today I had a major revelation about relationships, and I want to share it because some of you need to hear this. This is especially for those of you who are prophetic, highly anointed, and serious about the call of God on your life.
When you are single and expecting God to bring your husband into your life, it is absolutely essential that you understand your relational dating style. Most people never even ask themselves that question. They simply follow whatever the culture says dating should look like. But if you are prophetic and carry oil on your life, you cannot afford to move through relationships loosely. The way you approach relationships must protect the mantle on your life.
Today I realized something very important about myself. I do not believe in dating. I believe in being courted.
Now let me explain what I mean by that. Courting does not necessarily mean a relationship will lead to marriage. It means a man approaches you with intention. He is not casually entertaining multiple women while “figuring it out.” He is intentionally spending time with you to see if something meaningful could develop.
I think I may be a little old-fashioned, but I believe in a man knocking on the door with flowers in his hand, intentional about talking to you, getting to know you, and engaging you like the precious jewel that you are. That kind of interaction makes it worth answering a text or answering a call because the man approaching you is being intentional about getting to know you.
When a prophetic man approaches a prophetic woman, it is often because heaven has already revealed flashes to him of who she is. Something in the spirit has caught his attention, and he is pursuing her to see if there is alignment there. That is very different from casually exploring options. Personally, I do not believe a man can truly hear clearly from God about a woman while he is entertaining multiple women at the same time. Discernment requires focus. It takes a prophetic man to recognize the beauty, the power, and the wife inside a prophetic woman.
But when someone is entertaining multiple people at once, that creates an environment where you are essentially auditioning. And I realized today that I do not audition, especially not as a prophetic person.
One thing prophetic and highly anointed people must understand is that we cannot operate in relational ambiguity the way other people can. When you carry oil, your time, attention, loyalty, and emotional investment are not light things. They are virtue. When you give someone your attention outside of ministry, counseling, or sessions, you are giving them a portion of your focus and your power.
Prophetic people tend to be very loyal and very focused. When we allow someone into our space, we invest deeply. If you give that kind of virtue to someone who is entertaining you casually, the injury that occurs and the time it takes to recover can be extremely costly. You can lose focus. You can lose momentum. It can take time to rebuild your strength and recharge spiritually.
When you carry a prophetic mantle, that kind of distraction can become one of the enemy’s greatest strategies. Relational dishonor and relational delay are two of the enemy’s favorite weapons against people who carry oil. A person can enter your life talking about God, quoting scripture, and sounding spiritual, but still have absolutely no intention of moving by the power of God in your life.
If you are not clear about your relational style, you will find yourself pouring time, loyalty, attention, and emotional energy into situations that were never aligned with your life.
Let me say something else that became very clear to me today. The enemy would love nothing more than to keep prophetic people in ambiguity or in a cycle of hope when at the core it is simply delay in disguise. That is exactly what happens when a prophetic person allows someone to explore them without intention or explore them without revelation.
The enemy loves that dynamic because it becomes a time waster. It creates false hope. It often leads to emotional injury when it does not materialize into anything of significance. And the truth is, in many cases it was never going to anyway. You were simply another name on someone’s list.
I came to a very clear realization today. I do not want to be on anyone’s list. I find it insulting when someone shares the same stories with every person they are entertaining. I value myself too much for that. I want exclusivity, not to be treated as if I am common.
So let me give you three relational styles I see operating today.
The first is the cultural dater. This person follows the normal cultural pattern of dating. They talk to multiple people, explore different connections, and see where their feelings land. That may work for some people, but it involves a lot of emotional trial and error.
The second is the discernment dater. This person still dates, but they move slower and with more intentionality. They may talk to more than one person, but they are actively discerning character, alignment, and values before allowing deeper emotional investment.
The third is the intentional courting style. This is the one I realized I operate in. In this style you are not entertaining multiple possibilities and you are not auditioning for someone else’s attention. The person who approaches you does so with intention to get to know you specifically. The focus is not on exploring options. The focus is on determining alignment. If alignment is not there, you part ways with clarity and honor.
Now let me be very transparent. Today I applied this revelation in real time. I placed myself in the friendship zone in the life of someone that I actually like. I did that because I realized something very important. We are in two different seasons of life and we operate with two different relational styles.
There was nothing wrong with him, but the way he dates and the way I relate to relationships are not the same. So today I moved myself from the land of maybe to the land of no.
I actually chuckled when I did it because I told him to get someone else to do it. Choose someone else. And before you look at me side-eyed, trust me, this charismatic man of God will have no problem choosing someone else.
And you know what shocked me? I meant it. I was completely at peace with him giving the time and attention he had been giving to me to someone else.
Why? Because I realized something about myself. I am anxious for nothing. I am willing to relinquish something that I value if it does not align with what feeds the prophetic mantle that is on my life.
When you carry oil, you cannot be afraid to lose what does not align with your value system or what you know you need to remain focused. Sometimes the greatest act of protection is clarity.
And I was sincerely okay with that.
Because the truth is this. I personally feel like I am in a league of my own, not in arrogance but in awareness. Once you know who you are and what you carry, you stop sitting in the land of maybe and you move yourself into the land of no.
Prophetic people do not need more options.
We need alignment.
The Power Pusher, LICSW
