19/06/2024
[Long Read]
This Sunday, my boyfriend and I will celebrate our 18th anniversary together.
It also occurred to me that my nephew has just been enlisted in National Service, meaning my partner and I have been together since my nephew was born. I still recall our first overseas trip together to Taiwan with my family. Time flies.
Reading about Thailand passing a bill to recognize same-sex marriage, I can't help but wonder if we will ever see this happen in Singapore—maybe in another 18 years, or hopefully sooner. For now, I can only remain hopeful.
Yesterday, a friend said to me, "Aiya, why not just go to Taiwan or Thailand now to get married?"
But to me, that's not the point. My partner and I are both Singaporeans. Why should we need to go elsewhere in the world to have our love recognized? Honestly, the less romantic part of me thinks marriage is just a paper certificate that binds two people together; it's not important. But, really, it's more about the basic human right to love who you want, be respected, and have the legal protections that straight married couples take for granted.
Reflecting on my nearly 50 years of life, I realize I've attended very few weddings of my straight friends, perhaps only enough to count on two hands. This makes me think that either I don't have many close straight friends, or maybe I wasn’t invited because they know I am 'different.' If I ever had a gay wedding, who would want to come?
The fact remains that the gay community is separate from the heterosexual world. Because of inequality in marriage and many other things, this separation persists.
Some may say that times have changed and more straight people are accepting of LGBTQ+ individuals. The key word here is 'accepting.' It feels like a permission granted to enter their circle.
Truth be told, as an openly gay person, I know many straight friends and colleagues at work, and most of them know about me because I don't hide it. I openly talk about my work for the community, my partner, and strive to be a good representative, often cracking some q***r jokes to make them laugh. I am grateful that everyone has been friendly to me.
But deep down inside, I know something is still missing. That missing piece is the marriage of the two different worlds.
I often bring up the subject of LGBTQ+ with my 'closer' straight friends to gauge their thoughts. What I gather are a few common points:
* They are generally okay and accepting of me (and LGBTQ+ individuals).
* They mostly observe from an outside perspective; they would rather not be part of it. For example, when inviting them to join me at an LGBT event, go to Pinkdot, or attend my talk, I sense uneasiness from them.
* I even had a very good friend (Catholic), once told me that she is happy as my friend and my partner, but should there ever be a wedding, she cannot give us the blessings as it is against her faith.
* Most are not at the level of reaching out, engaging in, or learning more about the community. They probably still rely on what they already 'know' from the media.
What I am saying is that for same-sex marriage to become a reality, we need to work harder on integrating the straight world with the q***r world. When everything is viewed as one and the same, prejudice and differences will melt away.
Love is love.
Activists are hoping the first weddings could be celebrated as early as October.
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