16/04/2025
4 Ways to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think
1. Nothing lasts forever. The reality is that the human brain has limited data reserves. Although we may make judgments, they are not significant enough to earn a place in our memory banks for eternity. So when someone makes a judgment about you, chances are that moments or days later that judgment will have left their conscious awareness.
2. Judgment is unavoidable. Stop trying to control the judgments of others. It has become part of our zeitgeist to demand that others not judge us. Think about popular statements such as, “No judgments” and “This is a non-judgment zone.” None of this really helps: You can’t control what others think. Maybe they won’t express their judgment, but it doesn’t mean they can stop a physiological brain process.
3. Let them judge! It can be liberating in an intimate relationship to just allow judgments to be present. Instead of stopping yourself from being open or vulnerable or from sharing something negative but important about yourself, do it anyway. As I relate in my book, Building Self-Esteem 5 Steps, If you notice yourself holding back out of fear of judgment, ask yourself first: “What judgment do I fear will come from my opening up?“ and, “What is it I fear will occur if they make that particular judgment about me?”
4. Notice your own judgments. There is no better way to care less about the judgments of others than to judge yourself and others less. Of course, judgment is unavoidable, but watch the language you use in your own head about the people and events in your life.
Change the focus of your judgments: Instead of “she sucks” or “he’s a loser,” ask yourself what effect the person has on you that you want to avoid or be aware of in the future. For example, “She never follows through with her commitments to me.” Or, “He tells me he’s trying but I always end up disappointed.” Move away from the good and bad character traits of those in your life to what is healthy and unhealthy for you.
