25/08/2025
Admin allow me to share:
I’m a tourism student and honestly, fighting PCOS is one of the hardest battles I’ve ever had to face. People don’t get it. They think it’s just about irregular periods or weight gain, but no it’s everything. It’s the pain, the brain fog, the exhaustion, the way it slowly eats away at your confidence until you don’t even recognize yourself anymore.
In my 1st year, 2nd sem, my PCOS just got worse and worse. I started isolating myself. I had no motivation, no energy, no confidence. I struggled with insomnia, sometimes nights would pass with me just staring at the ceiling, feeling tired but never able to rest. I’d wake up more exhausted than before. And even when I smiled in front of people, deep inside I couldn’t feel happiness. Like, I knew how to smile, but the feeling was gone. I was empty. Because of this, I ended up being absent a lot. But before anyone judges me, let me say this. I always informed my teachers. I explained my condition. I had medical proof. I chatted them on Facebook, I wrote excuse letters. I wasn’t irresponsible. I wasn’t just skipping. I was sick. I was fighting my body every single day.
But one day, during semi finals or finals, my major teacher said something that honestly shattered me. She didn’t say my name, but I knew. Everyone knew. She said, “Some students are always absent, always have reasons like being sick, menstruation… why are you so unlucky this year?” Then she laughed. My classmates laughed too. Some of them even looked at me. I wanted to disappear. I bowed my head, I felt my cheeks burn from shame. And in my heart I whispered, “If only you knew how much I fight just to be here. If only you knew how I drag myself out of bed when my whole body wants to give up. If only you knew how much I wish I could live normal, without this condition.” They don’t see the nights I stay awake in pain, the mornings I have to convince myself to stand up, the days I sit in class but my brain is foggy and I can’t absorb a single word. They don’t see the effort, they only see the absences.
And then another teacher failed me. A major subject. Even though I passed my activities, he still failed me. I begged him, literally begged, to give me a special project, an extra task, anything so I could pass. I explained about my PCOS, told him how sometimes I needed to be absent. And do you know what he said? “My wife has PCOS.” Like… what? As if saying that means he understands everything. As if every woman’s experience is the same. My mind just screamed, “You don’t get it. You don’t feel what I feel. You don’t fight what I fight.” It was so invalidating, so disappointing.
And what broke me more is that behind all of this, I was also dealing with depression and anxiety. The PCOS didn’t just affect my body, it ruined my mental health too. I had insomnia, I lost hope to live. I would always go home alone, isolated, wishing someone would just notice me. Wishing even one teacher would look me in the eyes and ask, “Are you okay? Do you have a problem? What’s bothering you? Do you need someone with you?” But they never did. Not once. Instead, they judged me. They laughed. They misunderstood me. Nobody asked if I was okay. Nobody asked if I needed help. Nobody even cared enough to see the pain I was carrying every day. And it hurts. It hurts so much because I wasn’t lazy. I wasn’t making excuses. I was trying. Fighting. Surviving.
I wanted to scream sometimes, “I didn’t choose this! Do you think I wanted PCOS? Do you think I wanted depression, anxiety, insomnia? Do you think I wanted to miss classes and beg for understanding?” No. If I had the choice, I’d choose to be healthy, to be present, to live without this weight on my shoulders. But this is my reality. Some teachers the people who are supposed to guide, to teach, to inspire made me feel smaller instead. Made me feel ashamed. Made me feel invisible. I can’t help but ask, “How do people like that even become teachers?” Because isn’t a teacher supposed to care? To have empathy? To lift students up, not tear them down?
