24/07/2026
๐๐๐ง๐๐ฅ๐๐ฅ๐ฌ | ๐๐ก๐ง๐๐๐ ๐ฆ ๐๐ข๐ฅ ๐ ๐ข๐ก๐๐-๐ฆ๐๐ฉ๐๐ก๐ง๐๐๐ก-๐ฌ๐๐๐ฅ-๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐ฅ๐
๐๐ณ๐ช๐ต๐ต๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ฃ๐บ: ๐๐ข๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ช ๐๐ข๐ณ๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ช ๐๐ช๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ข
๐๐ก๐ง๐๐๐ ๐ญ: ๐๐ข๐ฅ ๐ง๐๐ ๐ ๐ข๐ฅ๐ก๐๐ก๐๐ฆ ๐ง๐๐๐ง ๐ ๐จ๐ฆ๐ง ๐ฃ๐๐ฆ๐ฆ
When her heart felt like a chamber
of a crowded room,
When her eyes had grown somber
and heavy,
When her legs felt the weight of an
impending doom,
She placed the plaque of her perfect
smile and contoured expressions.
-
๐๐ก๐ง๐๐๐ ๐ฎ: ๐๐ข๐ฅ ๐ง๐๐ ๐ก๐๐๐๐ง๐ฆ ๐ง๐๐๐ง ๐๐๐๐ง ๐๐ก๐๐๐๐ฆ๐ฆ
And told herself that it would
soon cease,
For the yellow fluorescents that
flickered in every rigorous all-nighters,
For the inks and tears that spilled
against the mattress,
And for the self-doubts that hung
against the crisp air of 2AM.
-
๐๐ก๐ง๐๐๐ ๐ฏ: ๐๐ข๐ฅ ๐ง๐๐ ๐ฃ๐๐ข๐ก๐ ๐ง๐๐๐ง ๐ช๐๐ง๐ก๐๐ฆ๐ฆ๐๐ ๐๐๐ก๐๐ฅ๐๐ง๐๐ข๐ก๐ฆ ๐ข๐ ๐๐๐ฉ๐๐ฆ
The obnoxious pings of the friend
group chats,
The tensed exchanges between
lovers,
The quiet โcome homeโ of our
motherโs abrupt calls during a
hangout.
The pdfs sent by your instructors
-
I stared at the dim screen of my cell device, watching my message go unnoticed. Ramdam ko ang pamumugto ng aking mga mata, pilit na isinasawalang bahala ang mabigat at naninigas na mga balikat.
Maingay. Mausok. Para akong estatwa sa harapan ng malaking arko ng Unibersidad.
Na parang minu-minuto ay napupugto ang hininga ko.
๐๐ธ๐ผ:
Maโฆ di ka ba talaga pwedeng sumama? Kahit ngayon lang.
๐๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต.
๐๐ฐ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ด๐ธ๐ฆ๐ณ.
My palms were sweating as I tried to swallow the lump on my throat. Nanginginig ang mga labi bawat hingang namumutawi. There was no doubt that in every sense, I have dreaded this moment since.
๐๐ช๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ช ๐ฏ๐ข ๐ด๐ข๐ฏ๐ข ๐ข๐ฌ๐ฐ ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ฎ๐ข๐ด๐ฐ๐ฌ.
Sinubukan kong kumbinsihin ang sarili ko, dahil alam kong walang gagabay sa akin bukod sa sarili ko.
๐๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ช๐ด ๐๐ฐ๐ญ๐ญ๐ฆ๐จ๐ฆ. Ano nalang ang iisipin nila?
Eighteen ka na, Hannah. You're supposed to be someone else.
๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ'๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฃ๐ฆโฆ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ.
I pursed my lips tightly as I caught another glimpse at my phone. No answer, still.
I sucked in a soft, shaking sigh.
๐๐ฌ๐ข๐บ.
Hinigpitan ko ang hawak sa strap ng bag ko.
The tattered, old thing shuffled between the unsteady, steep steps. The crisp, morning air coiled. The sun rose between the stretch of the branching trees.
My stomach's in knots, body and head protesting altogether.
I tried convincing myself that it was fine, that it was normal, but I have always feared this day would come.
As do the days that went and gone.
๐๐ข๐ฏ๐ช๐ฃ๐ข๐จ๐ฐ ๐ฏ๐ข๐ฏ๐ข๐ฎ๐ข๐ฏ๐จ ๐ด๐ค๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ญ ๐บ๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ.
I bite the inside of my cheeks. New city. New people.
The smoke clings to my clothes, each step towards the College Building feels like a doom waiting to return.
The tremor seeps into my bones. ๐๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ด๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐จ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฅ. ๐๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ด๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐จ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฅ.
๐๐ผ๐น๐น๐ฒ๐ด๐ฒ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ฟ๐๐ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฐ๐ฒ๐
The rusty, golden metal letters hang over the hood of a fading white wall. Students walkedโevery force of life there is.
Nagkukumpulan sila sa harapan ng premise, may kanya-kanyang grupo, ang ilan ay mag-isa kagaya ko. May mangilan-ngilan akong nakatinginan, parang nagdadalawang-isip kung lalapitan ba nila ako o hindi.
Most of them looked away as soon as our eyes met.
Some of them kept eye contact, hesitant at first.
Others lookedโฆ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ด๐ต.
My breath hitches. Because I knew that it wasn't just me. Hindi lang ako ang takot. Marami kami. I know.
I knew, in a sense, in every passing glance. In awkward sidesteps, in the nervous way they shift on their feet.
โ๐๐ฅ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ,โ the sound was quiet, approaching kindly, but it made my skin jump just for a quick second.
She taps on my shoulders and shoots me a careful smile.
My eyes darted towards the lanyard around her neck (old student?). It was littered with acrylic keychains, beaded bracelets. The button pin catches the gleam of the sun. Stickers were plastered right across her cheeks. Her auburn hair spills in a partial bun.
Her bag was jiggling with several more keychains and squishy stuffโHirono wrapped in a plastic case, a Cinnamoroll attached to silver keys, and a seemingly kpop photocard of Seventeen peaked through her half-zipped shoulder bags.
โ๐๐ข๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ข๐จ ๐ฎ๐ฐ ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฐ๐บ, ๐ช๐ต๐ข๐บ.โ she held out her hand, and gave me my dust-riddled hair clamp.
๐๐ญ๐ถ๐ฌ๐ฐ. ๐๐ถ๐ณ๐ฐ ๐ฏ๐ข๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐จ ๐๐ญ๐ถ๐ฌ๐ฐ. ๐๐ข๐ญ๐ข ๐ข๐ฌ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ช๐ฏ๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฉ๐ข๐ฏ.
๐๐ข๐ฌ๐ช๐ต ๐ฃ๐ข ๐ฌ๐ข๐ด๐ช ๐ฑ๐ช๐ฏ๐ช๐ญ๐ช ๐ฌ๐ฐ ๐ณ๐ช๐ต๐ฐ?
I should have stayed in Manila. I should have studied at DLSU, at UP, or what hellish place I'd be willing to endure, hindi na sana rito. I should haveโ
โAding?โ
I forced out a small smile. I barely understood what she said. ๐๐ฅ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ lang ang naintindihan ko. โThank you,โ She tilts her head sideways, as if she was calculating her next words.
โNakakaintindi ka ba ng Iluko?โ
My face melts into a gentle, relieved smile. Now, there's something familiar. โSorry, halata po ba?โ
Her eyes crinkles in a distinct way that reminds me of someone. There is a certain glow in the folds of her gaze.
โYou looked like you swallowed a whole lemon.โ she said.
I choked on a small snort. โWhat?โ
โNormally kasi, ๐ข๐ฅ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ, kapag may kinakausap ka, hindi ka tutunganga.โ
๐๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ช๐ต๐ฆ๐ด. ๐๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐จ๐ช๐ณ๐ญ.
โSorry ha?โ I couldn't help the dryness of my tone. She throws her head back, a laugh rumbles at her belly.
โGanito na ba talaga ang kabataan?โ I arch a brow and flipped back a smirk.
โKanina mo pa ako in-ading diyan, baka magka-edaran lang tayo.โ
โIlang taon ka na ba?โ
โEighteen,โ
She whistles lowly. Napakamot ito sa ulo niya. โEh, paano ba yan. Twenty three na kasi ako.โ
โWhat?!โ
โReturning student,โ
๐๐ฉ.
โMakes senseโฆ ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ.โ
Her grin widens a fraction. The next thing I knew, she was looping an arm around my neck, pulling me right towards the crowd.
โSus, parang kukutusan mo nga lang ako kanina, e.โ
We walked through the beelining crowd, the sound and microphone sliced through the rambling horde.
โA warm welcome, Freshies!โ
Hapit-hapit niya ako sa kanyang tabi, na parang dati na kaming magkakilala.
Normally, I'd reject this whirlwind of closeness, but something about her softness was undeniableโฆ palpable. Nagbubulungan kaming dalawa tuwing may makakasalamuha kaming mga tao.
โ๐๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐จ๐ช ๐ฏ๐ถ๐ฏ, ๐ฐ๐ฉ.โ
โ๐๐ข๐ฏ๐บ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ฃ๐ข ๐ข๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฃ๐ข๐ญ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐จ ๐จ๐ข๐ธ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ด๐ข ๐ด๐ค๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ญ?โ
โ๐๐บ, ๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ช, ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต'๐ด ๐ข ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ช๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต.โ
โ๐๐ข๐ณ๐ช๐ฏ๐ช๐จ ๐ฌ๐ฐ ๐ฏ๐ข ๐บ๐ข๐ฏ.โ
Sumasakit ang tiyan ko sa ilang beses na nagpipigil ng tawa. She was easy. So easyโthat I completely forgot what was worrying me so much.
โTara dun sa likod,โ aniya.
โBakit ayaw mo sa harap?โ nguso ko.
โMahiyain ako.โ
I rolled my eyesโ๐ข๐ด ๐ช๐ง. Ngunit halata sa kurba ng labi ko na natatawa ako sa sinabi niya.
โHindi halata,โ
โAyun, ininsulto agad ang good character ko.โ
โKorni!โ
I nudged her against her shoulders, chuckling to myself as I fish my phone through my pocket.
Agad-agad kong binuksan ang Message App.
๐๐ธ๐ผ:
Maโฆ may kamukha ka sa school. Carissa ang pangalan niya. Bago ko siyang kaibigan.
๐๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต.
๐๐ธ๐ผ:
Sana nandito ka para makita mo siya. Para kayong magkakambal noong dalaga ka.
๐๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต.
๐๐ธ๐ผ:
I miss you.
๐๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต.
๐๐ธ๐ผ:
College isn't so bad. Notโฆreally. Not with people like her who exists.
๐๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต.
๐๐ธ๐ผ:
I hope you're proud of me. Because I am.
๐๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต.
๐๐ฆ๐ด๐ช๐จ๐ฏ ๐ฃ๐บ: ๐๐ข๐ด๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐๐ถรฑ๐ฐ๐ป
