24/09/2026
When someone opens up their struggles, silence can feel uncomfortable. We want to say something, sometimes anything, that might make the weight a little lighter. We often reach for familiar words, the kind we may have heard many times too and learned to offer when someone is going through a difficult moment.
โ๐๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ๐บ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ช๐ฏ๐ฆ.โ
โ๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐จ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด.โ
But when the burden exceeds the capacity of the one carrying it, and the weight of moving forward becomes heavy, what do we do?
๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฅ๐ฐ ๐ธ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ข๐บ?
Should we still continue reciting the same lines, or should we instead stay by their side, choose words that will encourage them to speak, and make them feel heard?
๐๐ผ๐ป๐๐ฒ๐
๐ ๐บ๐ฎ๐๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐.
Positive words are not automatically unhelpful. There are moments when encouragement, hope, and reassurance can genuinely help a person cope. Chaturvedi (2023) pointed out that positive thinking can have different effects depending on the circumstances. He described positive thinking as something that may provide a sense of well-being, hope, or motivation, while also emphasizing that negative thoughts and experiences are not necessarily harmful in every situation. In some circumstances, confronting difficult realities can help a person develop resilience, make sense of what they are experiencing, or find ways of coping with it.
This means that the question is not simply whether a response is positive or negative. The more important question is whether the response is appropriate to what the person is experiencing.
Telling someone โ๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐จ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด.โ may feel encouraging before a major examination, an important presentation, or another challenge where reassurance is what they are looking for. But if someone has just described grieving, feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or hopeless, immediately responding with โ๐๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ๐บ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ช๐ฏ๐ฆ.โ may not address what they are actually trying to communicate.
The same words can therefore have different effects depending on the situation, the relationship, and the needs of the person receiving them.
๐๐ถ๐๐๐ฒ๐ป ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐บ๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐บ ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐น ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฑ.
When someone is struggling, it can be tempting to fill every silence with advice or solutions. But they may not always be looking for an answer. Sometimes, they simply need the chance to put what they are feeling into words and know that someone is willing to listen.
Start by acknowledging what they are experiencing:
โ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ด๐ฐ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ด ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ง๐ง๐ช๐ค๐ถ๐ญ๐ต.โ
โ๐๐ต ๐ด๐ฐ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ด ๐ญ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ'๐ท๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ค๐ข๐ณ๐ณ๐บ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ข ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ต.โ
โ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ณ๐ฅ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ.โ
We do not have to have experienced exactly the same thing to show that we understand that what they are going through matters. Roos et al. (2023) described this as feeling heard, which involves being given a voice and attention, as well as receiving empathy and respect. Listening, then, is more than simply staying quiet. It means paying attention, making space for the person to communicate, and treating what they share with care.
The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends using open-ended questions to help someone talk about what they are going through. It also emphasizes putting aside distractions and being ready to listen. This can be as simple as asking:
โ๐๐ฐ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ธ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ฆ๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ฅ?โ
โ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฉ๐ข๐ด ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ณ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ด๐ต ๐ฑ๐ข๐ณ๐ต ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ?โ
โ๐๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ง๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ข๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ๐บ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ?โ
โ๐๐ฐ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ธ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ข๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ข๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ช๐ต?โ
At the same time, it is important not to pressure someone into sharing more than they are comfortable with. Sometimes, giving them the choice to talk when they are ready is enough:
โ๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ข๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ข๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ช๐ต ๐ช๐ง ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ๐บ, ๐ฃ๐ถ๐ต ๐ ๐ข๐ฎ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ง ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ธ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ.โ
And sometimes, the most supportive thing to say is simply:
โ๐ ๐ข๐ฎ ๐ญ๐ช๐ด๐ต๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ.โ
Giving someone that space can make it easier for them to open up, without making them feel like they have to explain everything or find a solution right away.
๐๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ธ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐๐๐ถ๐ด๐บ๐ฎ.
Sometimes, people hesitate to disclose how they truly feel because they worry about being judged, misunderstood, or treated differently. For them, saying โIโm fineโ feels easier than explaining what they are actually going through.
This is why the way we respond matters. We can help make honesty feel safer by asserting that struggling does not make someone weak, dramatic, or a burden. Instead of making them feel that they need to conceal what they are experiencing, we can say:
โ๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏโ๐ต ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ต ๐ด๐ฐ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ฌ๐ข๐บ. ๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฆ๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ช๐ต ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ง๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ด.โ
โ๐๐ต๐ณ๐ถ๐จ๐จ๐ญ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฏโ๐ต ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ข ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ.โ
โ๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏโ๐ต ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ด๐ฉ๐ข๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ต๐ณ๐ถ๐ญ๐บ ๐ง๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ญ.โ
These words do not guarantee that someone will open up, and they should not be used to pressure them into disclosing more than what they are comfortable sharing. But they communicate that difficult feelings can be spoken about without shame or judgment. Creating that kind of environment can make it easier for someone to be honest about what they are experiencing.
๐๐๐ธ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ธ๐ถ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐๐ฝ๐ฝ๐ผ๐ฟ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ ๐ป๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ฑ.
Not everyone wants the same kind of help. One person may want advice. Another may want someone to listen. Someone else may simply want company.
This is where responsiveness becomes important.
Wu et al. (2021) explained that perceived responsiveness plays an important role in social support. People are more likely to seek support when they believe that others will respond to their needs, and support tends to be more effective when it is perceived as responsive. They also highlighted the importance of cultural fit, meaning that what counts as supportive may differ depending on people's cultural backgrounds and expectations. Instead of assuming what someone needs, we can ask:
โ๐๐ฐ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ธ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ญ๐ช๐ด๐ต๐ฆ๐ฏ, ๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ญ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ฑ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ถ๐จ๐ฉ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฅ๐ฐ?โ
โ๐๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ญ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ฅ๐ท๐ช๐ค๐ฆ, ๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ฅ๐ฐ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ซ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ธ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ ๐ณ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ธ?โ
โ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ง๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ญ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ฑ๐ง๐ถ๐ญ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ?โ
These questions shift the focus away from finding the perfect response and toward understanding the person's actual need.
That is especially important because support is not necessarily helpful simply because it is well-intentioned. A person may need emotional comfort when we offer solutions, or practical help when we offer only reassurance. Responsiveness means paying attention to that difference.
๐ฅ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ด๐ป๐ถ๐๐ฒ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐น๐ถ๐บ๐ถ๐๐ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐ผ๐ป๐ฎ๐น ๐๐๐ฝ๐ฝ๐ผ๐ฟ๐.
There are also situations in which supportive words from a friend, classmate, partner, or family member are not enough. Being there for someone does not mean having to become their therapist, solve their problems, or carry their distress alone. In fact, knowing the limits of what we can provide is part of responsible support.
If someone is experiencing persistent or severe distress, encouraging them to connect with a mental health professional is an important step. You can say:
โ๐ ๐ค๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฌ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฆ๐ณ๐ท๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ท๐ช๐ฅ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐บ ๐ฎ๐บ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง. ๐๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ข๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ข ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ง๐ฆ๐ด๐ด๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ข๐ญ?โ
When su***de or self-harm is mentioned, it is important to take the disclosure seriously rather than dismissing it, changing the subject, or relying only on reassurance. In situations involving immediate danger, professional or emergency support should be sought.
Seeking professional help is not a failure to support someone. Sometimes, the most caring thing we can say is:
โ๐ ๐ข๐ฎ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ ๐ข๐ญ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ธ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ฑ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐จ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ต ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฆ๐ณ๐ท๐ฆ.โ
Because we do not always have the words that can make someone's pain disappear. We do not always have the answers, and we cannot always carry the weight for them.
But we can ๐น๐ถ๐๐๐ฒn.
We can ๐ฎ๐๐ธ.
We can ๐๐๐ฎ๐.
๐๐ป๐ฑ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐๐ฒ๐ถ๐ด๐ต๐ ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ผ ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐, ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ'๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ณ๐ฒ๐๐ ๐ถ๐ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ฟ๐ถ๐๐ธ, ๐๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ป ๐ต๐ฒ๐น๐ฝ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐บ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ผ๐ฝ๐น๐ฒ ๐๐ต๐ผ ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ป๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฟ๐ ๐ถ๐ ๐๐ถ๐๐ต ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐บ.
โ๐ผ: Juliane Ella Marie G. Aspili
๐: Janine Gabrielle T. Blas
๐จ: Jheniel Ruth A. Lumabao
References
๐๐๐. (2024, ๐ฆ๐ฒ๐ฝ๐๐ฒ๐บ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ฟ 23). How to listen and support someone in need. Emotional Well-Being. https://www.cdc.gov/emotional-well-being/conversations-matter/index.html
๐๐ต๐ฎ๐๐๐ฟ๐๐ฒ๐ฑ๐ถ, ๐ฆ. ๐. (2023). The good, bad and not so bad of positive thinking and recovery. Journal of Psychosocial Rehabilitation and Mental Health, 10(2), 129โ130. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40737-023-00348-1
๐ฅ๐ผ๐ผ๐, ๐. ๐., ๐ฃ๐ผ๐๐๐บ๐ฒ๐, ๐ง., & ๐๐ผ๐๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฏ๐๐ฟ๐ด, ๐ก. (2023). Feeling heard: Operationalizing a key concept for social relations. PLoS ONE, 18(11), e0292865. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0292865
๐ช๐, ๐. ๐., ๐๐ถ๐บ, ๐. ๐ฆ., & ๐๐ผ๐น๐น๐ถ๐ป๐, ๐ก. ๐. (2021). Perceived responsiveness across cultures: The role of cultural fit in social support use. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 15(9). https://doi.org/10.1111/spc3.12634
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