13/09/2026
He reo aitua: Ka takoto ki whea?
This is a sensitive kaupapa, and we acknowledge that this kōrero may raise strong emotions. However, it is an important conversation for whānau and marae communities to have before a bereavement occurs.
To avoid any misunderstanding, this statement is not directed at, or connected to, any recent tangihanga held at Te Ao Hou Marae.
Te Ao Hou Marae cannot automatically accommodate every request for a tūpāpaku to lie at the marae. Each tono must be considered carefully by the hau kāinga, taking into account the relationship between the deceased, their whānau and Te Ao Hou Marae.
That relationship may be demonstrated through:
Whakapapa or established whānau connections to the marae.
A history of active presence, participation and contribution.
Early kōrero and mutual agreement between the marae and the whānau pani.
Respect for, and adherence to, the tikanga of Te Ao Hou Marae.
The marae’s capacity to properly uphold the responsibilities of the tangihanga at that time.
Hosting a tangihanga places significant responsibilities upon the hau kāinga. Over three days or more, people are required to maintain the tikanga and manaakitanga of both the pae and the kāuta—the front and the back. Other hui and activities may need to be postponed or cancelled, and many hands are needed throughout the entire tangihanga. Those who regularly carry these responsibilities understand the considerable commitment involved.
We will always endeavour to lead with aroha, manaakitanga and respect for the whānau pani. At the same time, the hau kāinga must ensure that Te Ao Hou Marae has the people, resources and capacity needed to uphold the mana of the deceased, the bereaved whānau and the marae.
Where there is no established relationship with Te Ao Hou Marae, we encourage whānau, in the first instance, to consider returning their loved one to their own marae and ahi kā. This can provide an important opportunity to reconnect the deceased and their descendants with their whakapapa, whānau, whenua ūkaipō and tūrangawaewae.
We recognise that returning home is not always straightforward. Distance, whānau relationships, cost and other circumstances can make these decisions difficult. These realities should be approached with compassion and through honest kōrero.
We therefore encourage whānau to maintain and strengthen their connections with their tūrangawaewae—their place to stand; their ahi kā—the home fires kept burning; their whenua ūkaipō—the lands that nurture and sustain identity; and the principle of kanohi kitea—being a face that is seen, known and present.
These relationships are strengthened throughout life, not only when a tangihanga occurs.
Mā te kōrero tahi, mā te aroha, mā te tikanga, ka kitea te huarahi tika.
Through conversation, compassion and tikanga, the right pathway can be found.
