22/04/2026
I've taken up the new habit of repeating "so good" when someone says it to me. Why?
💠It provides an opportunity to ‘turn toward’ a bid for connection from a loved one. ↔️
As the Gottmans have famously studied and written about extensively, one of the biggest markers of couples who stay together versus those who don’t is the percentage of the time that they respond to each other’s ‘bids’. When my partner underlines the positive valence of something he’s happy or excited about (even if it’s not a huge deal), the phrase “so good” is something I can chime in on as a way of paying attention and reinforcing that I care.
💠It’s kind of funny.
Now, this might vary person to person–your mum might not find it amusing, your kids might find it patronising. So always consider your audience before diving in wholesale. But, like in long-term happy relationships of all kinds, quirky little jokes, habits, and word play can serve cohesion and connection.
💠It’s a form of happy backchanneling. 👂🏻
My partner has a background in rhetoric and linguistics, and he’s a big fan of backchanneling, which is a term that means the feedback that listeners give to speakers to show they are paying attention and understanding, without taking over the conversation. These can be non-verbal, like nods and eye contact; non-lexical, like “uh-hunh” or “mmmhum”; or verbal, like “yeah,” “I see,” or, newly for me anyway, “SO GOOD.”
💠It underlines goodness. 📈
Rather than focusing mostly on the negative (a tendency I have at times!), this habit can tune our ears toward what someone is saying about something positive, generative, wonderful, or even just nice.
SO. GOOD.
For a bit more about the synchronicity that conspired to bring this to my attention, you can check out my blog.
https://janelatlas.com/2026/04/22/so-good-for-connection-and-conversations/
