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Generation Twist, Lagos (2026)

07/11/2024

The Boy Within the Man
by Ita Hozaife

He cannot reach himself,
So he reaches out for me,
Inflicting wounds of distrust, making me feel insecure.
His gaze, once a safe harbour,
Now the eye of a storm.
His embrace, a battleground where I become collateral,
And his world- an apocalypse birthed by a childhood gone wrong.
Where love once thrived, now it hangs,
A martyr swaying on branches, silhouetted against the dying sun.
Joy and peace- choked silent in gas chambers of memory.
Kindness and goodness, their heads struck from their gentle bodies,
Left as lessons, painted on streets like graffiti of warning.
Gentleness entombed alive,
And self-control, violated,
Wanders the earth, mad and aimless.

He cannot reach his core.
His pain, mingled with the metallic tang of fear,
Drips guilt, helplessness, disappointment,
Rejection, and judgment, seeping from his pores like poison.
His anger, no longer just heat,
Becomes wildfire, devouring every tree of optimism,
Leaving behind a desolate landscape,
Littered with gravestones inscribed: What could have been.

He cannot still his thoughts,
So they thrash like caged beasts,
Mutating with viral precision,
Twisting reality until healthy bounds turn to seething walls,
And harmless words ignite like gunpowder.
His mind- uncontrolled and uncharted- corrupts our inner compass,
Guiding us not to safety,
But to the cold, abyssal depths of lost bearings.

He cannot reach for hope.
So he reaches for relief:
Moments distilled in bottles,
A puff that clouds reality,
In temporary sanctuaries of borrowed arms and legs of anyone,
Each act a defiant search for reprieve,
Even if only for a heartbeat.
Addiction, the saviour, his truest and cruellest confidant.

He cannot find the path back.
But if he’d just stop,
Stop running, stop clawing at the emptiness,
Sit, and be still-
Maybe, just maybe,
The boy he left behind,
The boy who waits in the hollows of his being,
Could catch up.
They’d sit face-to-face,
Eyes locked, raw and wet with unsaid truths.

Maybe the boy,
With fists unclenched and tears finally flowing,
Could speak of all that was taken,
All that was never given.
And maybe the man, shedding his battle-worn armour,
Could wrap that boy in arms that once only defended,
But now protect and comfort.

Maybe, the man and the child,
Could sift through the ashes of disappointment,
And rebuild not as heroes or with expectations,
But with what they have-
With what they are.

Maybe, they’d turn their faces skyward,
Trace constellations carved in the fabric of their souls,
And find their guiding star,
A light that leads them home.
To a peace long lost,
To a wonder that whispers,
'You are found.'

06/11/2024

Why Talking About Racism Isn’t About Guilt—It’s About Healing and Wholeness
by Ita Hozaife

Talking about racism is uncomfortable- for both those who perpetuate it and those who receive it. This deeply rooted conversation about race, superiority, and inferiority stirs guilt, shame, and regret, often morphing into anger, a mask of unspoken pain. Anger, at times, conceals fear- fear of letting go of the familiar, fear of confronting attachments to beliefs that divide. These beliefs shield against change but also prevent connection.

As someone of African descent, I’ve often been advised, particularly by African men, to remain silent on racism. "It makes white people uncomfortable," they say. "They might feel guilt they haven’t earned, become defensive, retreat into homogeneity, and cut off ties." And while I can empathize with the discomfort, seeing the indignation often laced with shame, I realize that to remain silent is to deny the healing that both sides desperately need.

Everyone deserves wholeness- freedom from the wounds of history, from fear, from shame. But to reach that wholeness, we must face discomfort head-on. Inviting curiosity, empathy, awareness, and honest intent into these discussions could bring us closer to humanity’s highest possibility. To shy away from these conversations fosters distrust and inauthenticity, disguised as peace and reconciliation. Speaking of racism should never be to judge or shame; it is about understanding origins- why was racism created, why was hierarchy needed, and, more importantly, is it still needed today?

What purpose does feeling greater or lesser than another serve? The truth is, the existence of laws protecting the right to wear one’s natural hair or carry a name unfamiliar to Western tongues signals progress, yet it also highlights a painful endurance that those needing these laws have faced. Silence becomes a cork on a volcano of suppressed truths, while speaking with the sole intent to shame only heightens defences.

Instead, let’s talk with intention, not just to air grievances but to seek understanding, uncover beliefs, and create the trust that is vital for true healing.

With love and courage,
Ita, Kindness Coach
(Founder of Think Kinder Ltd.)

24/10/2024

When You Dare to Shine,
Men in Darkness Will Try to Erase You (Continued)
by Ita Hozaife

I once read a quote: “The best apology is a changed behaviour.” But what happens when our apology isn’t accepted? When our changed behaviour goes unnoticed? When, no matter how hard we try- knowing we are human after all- there will always be those who remind us of our mistakes, who cling to the people we once were, refusing to see the people we are becoming?

There’s a reason one of the most powerful villains is called The Accuser. They don’t just remind us of our mistakes- they remind us that we’re not enough. They whisper: You aren’t worthy. You did this. You hurt that person. You cheated. You’ve failed so many times, what makes this time any different? You’ll never change. You’ll always be a bad parent. A bad partner. Bad with money. You’ll drink again. You’ll slip… again. You can’t be trusted. The accusations keep coming, like stones hurled by a crowd, striking at the heart of who we are trying to become.

Yet, those who throw stones, those who accuse, are no different from us. They, too, are flesh and blood, marked by their own mistakes. They may say, “I could never…” “I would never…” “I have never…” But they have. We’ve all hurt people, broken promises, let people down and fallen short of our own expectations. We’ve felt the sharp sting of guilt, regret and shame. And yet, we gather with stones in hand and accusations like acid on our tongues.

I once heard a story of a woman who was about to be stoned to death. One man simply said, “Let the one without guilt throw the first stone.” That day, the woman was lucky. The crowd had soft hearts and no social media accounts to hide behind. When the stones fell to the ground, the man asked her, "Does no one condemn you?"
“No one, sir,” she replied.
“Neither do I,” he said. “Go your way, and keep yourself from trouble.”

It didn’t matter what the woman had done. The man wasn’t distracted by the need to judge or label. Rather he seemed focused on being constructive. It wasn’t that he had given her a pass. No. But he understood what she needed in that moment- compassion. She was given the grace to face another day, the chance to try again, and the space to rise toward her highest self.

And that’s what each day is for me- a new opportunity to grow, to change, to become. Despite the accusations, despite the stones thrown by others or even the ones we throw at ourselves, the path forward remains. It’s always there, waiting for us to step onto it with courage.

When-not if- the accusers appear, we must remind ourselves that their accusations are often reflections of their own pain. We are more than our mistakes. We are worthy of grace, of compassion, of the chance to transform. Each day offers us another opportunity to become the people we were always meant to be.

With love and courage,
Ita, Kindness Coach
(Founder, Think Kinder Ltd.)

24/10/2024

When You Dare to Shine,
Men in Darkness Will Try to Erase You (Continued)
by Ita Hozaife

I once read a quote: “The best apology is a changed behaviour.” But what happens when our apology isn’t accepted? When our changed behaviour goes unnoticed? When, no matter how hard we try- knowing we are human after all- there will always be those who remind us of our mistakes, who cling to the people we once were, refusing to see the people we are becoming?

There’s a reason one of the most powerful villains is called The Accuser. They don’t just remind us of our mistakes- they remind us that we’re not enough. They whisper: You aren’t worthy. You did this. You hurt that person. You cheated. You’ve failed so many times, what makes this time any different? You’ll never change. You’ll always be a bad parent. A bad partner. Bad with money. You’ll drink again. You’ll slip… again. You can’t be trusted. The accusations keep coming, like stones hurled by a crowd, striking at the heart of who we are trying to become.

Yet, those who throw stones, those who accuse, are no different from us. They, too, are flesh and blood, marked by their own mistakes. They may say, “I could never…” “I would never…” “I have never…” But they have. We’ve all hurt people, broken promises, let people down and fallen short of our own expectations. We’ve felt the sharp sting of guilt, regret and shame. And yet, we gather with stones in hand and accusations like acid on our tongues.

I once heard a story of a woman who was about to be stoned to death. One man simply said, “Let the one without guilt throw the first stone.” That day, the woman was lucky. The crowd had soft hearts and no social media accounts to hide behind. When the stones fell to the ground, the man asked her, "Does no one condemn you?"
“No one, sir,” she replied.
“Neither do I,” he said. “Go your way, and keep yourself from trouble.”

It didn’t matter what the woman had done. The man wasn’t distracted by the need to judge or label. Rather he seemed focused on what now. It wasn’t that he had given her a pass. He gave her compassion. She was given the grace to face another day, the chance to try again, and the space to rise toward her highest self.

And that’s what each day is for me- a new opportunity to grow, to change, to become. Despite the accusations, despite the stones thrown by others or even the ones we throw at ourselves, the path forward remains. It’s always there, waiting for us to step onto it with courage.

When-not if- the accusers appear, we must remind ourselves that their accusations are often reflections of their own pain. We are more than our mistakes. We are worthy of grace, of compassion, of the chance to transform. Each day offers us another opportunity to become the people we were always meant to be.

With love and courage,
Ita, Kindness Coach
(Founder, Think Kinder Ltd.)

23/10/2024

It’s Not Over. It's Complete.
by Ita Hozaife

When a relationship ends, whether through death, divorce, distance, betrayal or a falling out, we grieve. It feels like a death- because it is. It’s the death of a connection, the loss of shared moments, and the end of something once alive.

I have sat with family and friends as they grieved relationships, and I have even had the devastating task of delivering news of a close family member's death to my mother. The memory of her broken cry still brings a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes. Her anguish was deep, and the fear of a future without that person ever again was palpable.

I’ve felt a similar grief- not because of death, but because of the parting of ways with a close friend. At the time, I wasn’t ready to let go. So I held on tightly to the memories, wishing and hoping things would miraculously change, that we’d be friends again. But that hope, though well-intended, was keeping my grief alive, feeding it like a flame that wouldn’t go out.

Then I came across one simple sentence that changed everything: “The relationship is not over. It’s complete.” And it struck me. Our time together wasn’t over- it was complete. We had shared what we were meant to share - it had served its purpose, and now it was complete. The realization allowed me to finally let go. I was able to smile at the memories, feel gratitude for the moments shared, and release the grief that had held me captive.

Sometimes, when we face the end of a relationship, it feels like a loss we can’t bear. But perhaps it’s not really the end. Perhaps, like a book with its final chapter, it’s simply complete.

If you're holding on, wondering why it feels so hard to let go, remember this: If you feel it's over, it’s not. It’s complete.

With love and kindness,
Ita, Kindness Coach
(Founder, Think Kinder Ltd.)

22/10/2024

In the Closets of My Mind
by Ita Hozaife

In the closets of my mind, memories hang- some old, some new.
Summer and winter.

This memory, it’s old but familiar, well-worn. I’ll keep it a little longer.
But this one… no, it doesn’t fit anymore. It’s uncomfortable, downright outdated. It makes me feel grumpy, even angry.

And I remember-
I remember when he took my pearl and rolled it in the mud. Pig, I called him. But it was a gift to him, and he could do what he wanted with it. The truth is, I gave the pig the pearl. I saw the pig yet failed to recognize the value of my pearl.

But I see its worth now. And I guard it jealously with boundaries.

Ah, I can let go of the old memory now.
More space for the new.

20/10/2024

Control: The Comfort Trap
by Ita Hozaife

We often seek to control people, relationships, and situations, not for growth, but for our own comfort. This type of control is not the self-discipline that helps us overcome weaknesses. No, this is the kind of control that fortifies our comfort zone- a coping mechanism that halts progress and keeps us stagnant.

We see it in parenting when patience runs out, or when we cannot accept our children’s different ways. The frustration, or better still, the unspoken demand becomes: “You will either bend, or I will break you.” But in reality, it's not about the child’s behaviour- it’s the scream of our own loss of control. We can’t control the situation, so we attempt to control them and abandon guiding them.

In society/social circles, we surround ourselves with those like us- people of the same race, beliefs, or background- so we don't have to confront the discomfort of change. Facing another perspective, or admitting to harmful thoughts and beliefs, challenges us. The discomfort of learning, confronting deep-seated shame, or the fear of judgment as morally lacking can feel overwhelming. So, we remain rigid and inflexible. We demand the world bend around our comfort zones rather than becoming curious enough about our discomfort to investigate its source. Instead of doing the work on ourselves and engaging with others, we resist.

We deflect responsibility, blaming others instead of acknowledging our role. That discomfort and frustration we feel? They are our nature’s alarm, signaling the need for collaboration, for a new perspective, for a simple tweak in our approach. Discomfort is not our enemy- it’s a truth trying to surface.

We blame others instead of taking responsibility. This shows up in deflection. And the discomfort, the frustration we feel, is the truth knocking on the door, telling us: "There’s something to be addressed here." It’s nature’s alarm, signalling the need for collaboration, for a new perspective, for a simple tweak in our approach. Discomfort is not our enemy- it’s a truth trying to surface.

I’ve learned it only hurts if there’s a wound. If no wound exists, there is no pain. So what is that wound? That’s what we have to sit with, understand, and heal. Not ignore, not hope it will heal on its own. We have the power to change, but change requires doing the work.

We often force others to believe as we believe or worship as we worship- not out of concern for their well-being, but because their differences, I believe, challenge our own sense of superiority. I don’t think it’s truly about their souls or their enlightenment; I feel it’s about our egos, our discomfort with anything that threatens our tightly held beliefs.

But here’s what I say to that: Test the fruit.

What are the fruits? They are the evidence you need to confirm whether your actions, behaviours, and decisions are leading you toward your highest self, your most ethical path, or your greatest contribution to humanity.

I found this beautiful list of the fruits in a book:
• Love: (I’ll share more on this fruit in another piece.)
• Joy: (When the Spirit dances.)
• Peace: (When the Spirit rests.)
• Patience: (When the Spirit waits.)
• Kindness: (The natural result of love.)
• Goodness: (Living with good morals and motives.)
• Faithfulness: (Being trustworthy, loyal, constant, and dependable.)
• Gentleness: (The ability to discern when to offer a gentle word, forgive, and let go.)
• Self-control: (This fruit blossoms when awareness blooms. Awareness helps us identify and overcome areas of weakness.)

These are the fruits of a life lived intentionally, a life that seeks progress, not comfort. And when we learn to embrace the discomfort, we can finally stop controlling and start growing.
To be continued...

With love and courage,
Ita, Kindness Coach
(Founder, Think Kinder Ltd.)

19/10/2024

When You Dare to Shine,
Men in Darkness Will Try to Erase You
by Ita Hozaife

Every single person on this planet has the potential to shine- no exceptions. Each of us cradles talents with life-transformational power. Let that sink in. Yet, I dare say less than 2% will muster the courage and resilience to shine.

To shine means to first radiate from the inside, and that radiation draws the spotlight. When the spotlight is on you, everything is exposed- the shadows you wanted hidden, the imperfections magnified. The magnifying glass of judgment, fused to social media and the mainstream zooms in. Billions of eyes watch, daggers of jealousy and envy drawn, cloaked in indignation and cancel culture. But I wonder- do they truly want justice for the offenses we commit, or do they secretly envy the radiance of those in the spotlight? My opinion? I don’t think it’s justice they truly seek. I believe it’s your radiance they envy.

We all have bad days when emotions overpower logic. For most of us, it's done in private, with only a few eyes on us. But for people like Will Smith, who live in the spotlight, every slip becomes global. Is it genuine indignation that drives the mob or jealousy for the life he leads? Do we want justice, or do we simply crave his fall?

Compassion would ask, "What happened? What pressures are crushing you? What self-doubts are battling within you? How can I support you through this?" Compassion would seek to support, not condemn. But instead, we call for the bus to run him over, and for the lions of life’s arena to devour him for our entertainment. And those watching, who might have been gathering the courage to shine, retreat. The mob of judgment, envy, and cancellation dims their inner light before it even has a chance to glow.

I once dared to shine. I was expelled for it. I wasn’t even 18 when I ended up in a courtroom full of adults, people who had once seemed like angels, now casting judgment on me. I wasn’t yet an adult, but I had dared to shine.
In that courtroom, I was labelled by adults who didn’t know me. They planted seeds of unworthiness in my young, innocent garden of dreams. As a child, you don’t understand. You can’t see beyond the condemning eyes. You can’t stop those seeds from taking root. But I won’t place all the blame on them. I had my own seeds too, and those labels they stuck to me were just enough evidence for me to decide that shining wasn’t worth it.

Yet, through the darkest moments of my life, I’ve always had the most amazing ‘gardeners’ tending my occasional wilting spirit. At 16, in that courtroom years ago, there were three who refused to abandon me: Mr. Remi, my PE teacher and spiritual father; Nankhat Felock, just 16 herself; and Chenfa Dombin, only 15. These three never backed away, even when staying close could have exposed them to stray bullets of judgment and cancellation. They stood by me, throwing me a lifeline of compassion. They taught me the grace of empathy and reminded me of my worth, even as others tried to erase my light.

Through their grace, I found the courage to hold my head up high. No matter how hard men in darkness tried to douse my light, I learned to shine again.

To be continued...

With love and courage,
Ita, Kindness Coach
(Founder, Think Kinder Ltd.)

18/10/2024

The Log In my Eye
by Ita Hozaife

The thing about awareness- if it has a downside- is that once you turn it on, you can't switch it off. And suddenly, you wonder how you ever lived without it. It's empowering, humbling, and yes, a little messy. One aha! moment after another.

Recently, I’ve had more than a few humbling ahas. I’ll spare you the details, but let’s just say, I was pointing out what I thought was someone else’s flaw, only to notice three fingers quietly pointing back at me. Chai! My cheeks burned, and I couldn’t help but check if anyone else had witnessed my moment of revelation.

It reminded me of a verse I once read: “Remove the log from your own eye before removing the splinter from your neighbour’s.” I thought I was spotting a splinter in someone else’s eye when, lo and behold, I had a whole timber factory lodged in mine!

But here’s the beauty in moments like this: it’s the grace of “not there yet” that keeps me going. And it’s the grace of “try again” that keeps me out of the pit of regret and guilt. I’m on a journey of self-love and transformation, after all.
So, I’m taking stock of my timber mill and clearing it out. One moment at a time. One day at a time. Bit by bit.

With love and courage,
Ita, Kindness Coach
(Founder, Think Kinder Ltd.)

17/10/2024

Your Superpower Needs Discipline, Not Suppression
By Ita Hozaife

What's my superpower?
Growing up, I was told I talked too much. And you know what? It’s true.
When I became an adult, I was told I was too emotional. Yup, that’s true too.
For a long time, I thought something was wrong with me. I once read,

"A person without self-control is like a city without walls." I wasn’t broken- I just needed discipline, focus, and direction. Nothing was wrong with me or my emotions; they were my superpower. I just hadn’t learned how to use them yet.
You can’t imagine how often this superpower I didn’t even know I had was used to dismiss, minimize, and humiliate me- mostly by those I loved. I almost, so close, threw away my diamond without knowing its worth.

Now, people say I write too much. Well, guess what? I have to use my words one way or another! And that’s the thing- your superpower doesn’t save anyone until you start using it to rescue yourself first.

At first, a superpower often feels like a burden- unnoticed, unwanted, even a source of shame. For me, it was my tears. I cry when I’m happy. I cry when I’m sad. I cry when I’m overwhelmed. You get the picture. I used to feel embarrassed. It embarrassed me for years, and I wanted to stop. But I was focused on the wrong things. I was too busy noticing the disapproving faces and wearing the labels others stuck on me: She’s so emotional. She’s too sensitive. She’s breaking down.

No. I wasn’t breaking down. I was like Vision from X-Men- a powerful being who hadn’t yet learned to harness my gift. My superpower needed understanding, direction, and control. And I needed to start using it to heal myself before I could help anyone else.
Yes I’m emotional. Yes, I’m empathetic. If you cry, I’ll probably need a tissue too. That’s who I am. And that’s my superpower.

Maybe some of this resonates with you. What if what you’ve been told is "too much" is actually your gift, waiting to be shaped and refined? What if, with focus and self-love, you could turn that hidden power into your greatest strength? Your superpower may be hidden behind what people tell you is "too much." But with self-awareness, discipline, and a little compassion, it becomes your greatest strength. Rescue yourself first and watch how that changes everything.

With love and courage,
Ita, Kindness Coach
(Founder, Think Kinder Ltd.)

P.S. Thanks Van for helping me see my tears as a superpower.

16/10/2024

Thoughts influence emotions. Emotions shape behaviour.

What are you thinking right now? Pause and listen to your thoughts (self-talk). What emotions are attached to this thought? Name them. How do they make you feel? (Emotion and feelings are different, but more on that later.) Notice the actions that follow those feelings. What actions or behaviours follow? What do you do? Write it down.

Now ask, 'Is my behaviour reinforcing the very thought I began with?'

Do you see how your behaviour can reinforce those same thoughts- creating a cycle, a loop that keeps us trapped? But awareness is the key. Change your thoughts, and you shift your emotions. Change your emotions, and you transform your behaviour. Change your behaviour, and you change your life.

Be intentional with your thoughts, and watch how it transforms the way you feel, act, and live.

With love and courage,
Ita, Kindness Coach
(Founder, Think Kinder Ltd.)

15/10/2024

A world that neglects its citizens reflects a people who neglect self-love—not selfish love, but the kind that is compassionate, gentle, and uplifting. When do we practice respect, patience, and commitment, if not on ourselves first? What you give yourself with kindness, you store in abundance to share with others. If you seek a world that cares, begin by nurturing that care within yourself.

With love and courage,
Ita, Kindness Coach
(Founder of Think Kinder Ltd.)

Generation Twist

07/11/2024

06/11/2024

24/10/2024

24/10/2024

23/10/2024

22/10/2024

20/10/2024

19/10/2024

18/10/2024

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