Kol Haneshamot

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Kol Haneshamot A non profit organization providing guidance to parents of at risk youth

As parents, watching a child struggle can leave us feeling helpless. We try to support them, encourage them, and find wa...
28/10/2026

As parents, watching a child struggle can leave us feeling helpless. We try to support them, encourage them, and find ways to make things better. But after repeated setbacks, even the most devoted parents can begin to lose hope.

There is an important distinction worth remembering: Our difficulty imagining a better future doesn’t mean our child has given up on one.

Behind the silence, withdrawal, or resistance, there may still be hopes, dreams, and an inner struggle we cannot see.

Our children are more than the challenges they face today. Their present difficulties do not define their potential or determine their future.

We may not always know how to help or what tomorrow will bring. But we can continue to offer something invaluable: our love, our presence, and our belief that their story is still unfolding.

We cannot always calm the storm our child is walking through.We cannot control their choices, determine the pace of thei...
26/08/2026

We cannot always calm the storm our child is walking through.

We cannot control their choices, determine the pace of their healing, or know how long the difficult season will last.

But we can decide who they will find when they look back toward us.

Steady. Present. Loving. Findable.

Our job is not always to remove the storm.

Sometimes our job is simply to become their North Star.

When a teenager is struggling, the choices that seem obvious to us may no longer feel available to them.Mental distress ...
02/08/2026

When a teenager is struggling, the choices that seem obvious to us may no longer feel available to them.

Mental distress doesn’t remove choice. It limits what feels possible, making it far more difficult to make healthy choices and function in everyday life.

That doesn’t mean there are no choices.

It means we begin with understanding before expecting change.

Sometimes the most powerful question isn’t,

“Why won’t they make a better choice?”

It’s,

“What has made better choices so difficult for them right now?”

Understanding doesn’t remove responsibility.

It helps us respond with greater wisdom, compassion, and hope.

**Mental distress doesn't remove choice.It limits what feels possible.**One of the greatest misunderstandings about ment...
02/08/2026

**Mental distress doesn't remove choice.
It limits what feels possible.**

One of the greatest misunderstandings about mental distress is the belief that if someone *could* make a better choice, they *would*.

When parents see a teenager refusing school, staying in bed, withdrawing from family, or reacting with anger, it's natural to focus on the behavior.

But what if the choices that seem obvious to us no longer feel available to them?

**Mental distress doesn't remove choice. It limits what feels possible, making it far more difficult to make healthy choices and function in everyday life.**

This doesn't mean there are no choices.

It doesn't mean we stop having expectations.

It means we begin with understanding before expecting change.

Instead of asking,

*"Why won't my child make a better choice?"*

we might begin asking,

*"What has made better choices so difficult for them right now?"*

Sometimes that single shift changes not only how we see our child, but also how our child begins to experience us.

Sometimes the responsibilities of parenting begin to feel like burdens.But there is another way to carry them.Instead of...
29/07/2026

Sometimes the responsibilities of parenting begin to feel like burdens.

But there is another way to carry them.

Instead of saying,
“I have to...”

Try saying,
“I choose to...”

I choose to listen.

I choose to show up.

I choose to keep loving.

The responsibility hasn’t changed.

But something inside of me has.

A burden carried by choice begins to feel less like a burden and more like love.

— Yaakov Lazar | Kol HaNeshamot

There is a thought that has been sitting with me for quite some time.There is a difference between a burden, a responsib...
29/07/2026

There is a thought that has been sitting with me for quite some time.

There is a difference between a burden, a responsibility, and a choice.

As parents, we all have responsibilities. They don't disappear because life is difficult. We still make dinner. We still do the laundry. We still drive our children where they need to go. We still have the hard conversations, lie awake at night, and continue praying for them.

But somewhere along the way, those responsibilities can begin to feel like burdens.

And when everything feels like a burden, it changes us.

We become more tired, more anxious, more reactive. We start carrying the emotional weight of parenting instead of the privilege of parenting. Our children often feel that weight, even when we never speak a word.

Then one day, I began changing just one sentence in my mind.

Instead of saying, *"I have to,"* I started saying, *"I choose to."*

I choose to make another meal.

I choose to drive my child.

I choose to sit beside them, even in silence.

I choose to keep showing up.

The responsibility hasn't changed.

The circumstances haven't changed.

But my heart has.

Choice reminds me that I am not acting out of obligation. I am acting out of love.

And that changes the way I show up for my children.

I have found that when I parent from choice instead of burden, I become calmer, more patient, more present, and more attuned. My children don't just experience what I do for them—they experience who I become while doing it.

**A burden carried by choice begins to feel less like a burden and more like love.**

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Has there ever been a moment when changing *"I have to"* into *"I choose to"* changed the way you experienced parenting?

Sometimes, without realizing it, we ask our children to edit their experience before we’re willing to receive it.We reas...
27/07/2026

Sometimes, without realizing it, we ask our children to edit their experience before we’re willing to receive it.

We reassure.

We explain.

We correct.

But what they often need first isn’t perspective.

It’s presence.

To be seen is to be known without being edited.

One of the greatest gifts we can offer our children is to allow them to be fully themselves in our presence.That sounds ...
27/07/2026

One of the greatest gifts we can offer our children is to allow them to be fully themselves in our presence.

That sounds simple. In practice, it is remarkably difficult.

When our children share something painful, confusing, or upsetting, our love often moves us to respond immediately. We reassure them. We explain. We offer perspective. We try to make things better.

None of it comes from a lack of love.

It comes from a deep desire to protect them.

But sometimes, in our effort to help, we unknowingly ask them to edit their experience before we are able to receive it.

*"Not everyone was against you."*

*"I'm sure your teacher didn't mean it that way."*

*"It will all work out."*

Those words may eventually have their place. But if they come too soon, our child may begin to wonder whether there is room for the whole truth of what they are feeling.

Being seen doesn't require us to agree with every conclusion our children reach.

It requires them to know that their experience matters enough to be heard before it is interpreted.

Perhaps that's one of the deepest forms of connection we can offer.

**To be seen is to be known without being edited.**

As our teenagers grow older, structure can’t rely on our authority alone.Whenever possible, invite them into the convers...
26/07/2026

As our teenagers grow older, structure can’t rely on our authority alone.

Whenever possible, invite them into the conversation.

People are far more likely to protect what they have helped build.

Perhaps that’s one of the quiet transitions of parenting.

We move from creating compliance...

to nurturing ownership.

Over the past week I've been writing about why structure matters during the summer and what it can look like in practica...
26/07/2026

Over the past week I've been writing about why structure matters during the summer and what it can look like in practical terms. Before leaving this conversation, I think there is one more piece that deserves our attention.

Even the healthiest routine can become another source of tension if our teenager experiences it as something that is simply being imposed upon them.

As our children grow older, one of the biggest shifts we face as parents is recognizing that structure cannot rely on our authority alone. Young children generally accept the rhythm we create for them. Teenagers, however, increasingly need to experience that rhythm as something they have a place within, not simply something they are expected to obey.

That doesn't mean they get to decide everything. Parents remain parents. We continue to provide guidance, boundaries, and leadership. But wherever possible, we can invite our teenagers into the conversation.

Instead of beginning with, *"Here's what your summer is going to look like,"* we might begin with a different question.

*"What do you think would help make this a good summer?"*

*"What would you like your days to look like?"*

*"What responsibility do you think you're ready to take on?"*

*"What feels realistic to you?"*

Those questions don't remove our responsibility. They simply acknowledge something important: people are far more likely to invest in what they have helped build than in what has simply been handed to them.

Perhaps this is one of the quiet transitions of parenting. When our children are young, we build much of their world for them. As they grow older, our role slowly changes. We are still providing direction, but we are also helping them learn how to build a meaningful life for themselves.

That, after all, is where structure has always been pointing.

Not toward compliance.

Toward ownership.

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