In the underpowered wake of the inevitable departure of the Stena Line ferry from our ghost town, numerous schemes were proposed for the revitalisation of downtown Dún Laoghaire, Among these are new baths, cruise ships, free parking, character assassination of the members of the DLRCoCo and the DLHC and the Business Improvement District, and a state-of-the-art library to serve the abiding need of
the geriatric in our community to have something to complain about. None of these schemes has attracted new tourists to our town. And fair play now, who'd want to come here, it's all taxes and wasteful spending and he**in addicts wandering the DART, sure save your money. Our Committee was formed in desperation (and alcoholic torpor) to develop an attraction to rival the great destinations of the world, such as the Taj Mahal, Victoria Falls, the Great Barrier Reef, Disney World, the Grand Canyon and the Guinness Storehouse. With a world-class destination in our town, tourists would be sure to come back by the busload and book nights in our hotels, eat in our restaurants, clog our streets and wish us all top of the morning, the fu***ng eejits. But the main thing is spend their money. Unfortunately for Dún Laoghaire, we've not got a high waterfall or a grand canyon or spectacular ancient ruins unless you'd count the steeple of St Michael's and here now, don't do that. What we have are rat-infested piers and an modern library and they have those already in other countries, don't they? It eventually dawned on the Committee that Dún Laoghaire's most abundant natural resource was an untapped marvel to behold rivaling any wonder of the world: Our pessimism! Indeed, Irish fatalism defies the laws of physics by having unceasing supply and yet no substance, and nowhere does reach a greater acme than here in DLR. That certainly deserves worldwide notice and study. Therefore, the International Museum of Irish Fatalism is proposed to be sited in Dún Laoghaire, maybe where the Shopping Centre is now because that's hopeless and they'll never bring it back, will they? We are now seeking grants from the EU and the Dail to study the feasibility of excavating a bottomless pit, as it has broad consensus that such is the only exhibition space architecturally appropriate and capacious for the future requirements of Irish Fatalism. But nothing's so bad as it couldn't be worse.
