25/04/2026
This is what it feels like having cancer no one fully understands…
I’ve been struggling a lot recently, and the best way I can describe it to say I’ve been stuck in limbo.
It’s like having a little demon sitting in the corner of my room…
quiet most of the time
but always there.
The reason I’ve been stuck is because nothing has ever felt stable. Every time I see a new doctor, everything changes.
📌 The surgery.
📌 The risks.
📌 The outcomes.
Because my cancer is so rare, no one really knows anything for sure.
So I’ve had years of different opinions, different perspectives… and no clear answer.
And on top of that, life keeps going.
There’s always been something else to focus on…
And if I’m honest, I’ve used that. To stay in limbo.
To not decide. To drown myself in work just to avoid it.
Because these surgeries could remove the cancer…
but they will leave me the same… if not worse.
And even then, there’s no guarantee.
It could still come back…
or show up somewhere else.
And because it’s so slow, there’s never been a real urgency.
Which means I’ve always had the option to wait.
But at the same time…
it’s still there.
Like a ticking time bomb.
A very, very slow one.
And all of that makes the decision even harder.
Do I stay as I am until it becomes absolutely necessary? Or do I act now? become cancer free…
and accept whatever comes with that?
That’s what’s kept me stuck.
But recently… something changed.
For the first time in a long time, things feel stable.
And it’s made me realise the cycle I’ve been in. The avoidance. The overthinking. Going round and round without moving forward.
And this isn’t me saying I’ve figured it all out…
or that I’m suddenly not scared, because I am.
But now… I know what I need to do.
I need to start building myself up mentally.
Gradually.
Because I don’t want to be in my thirties… forties… fifties… and still have this hanging over me.
I want to move forward.
And for the first time…
I actually am.
I’ve been referred for cancer counselling.
This is how I start again.
—
LifeWithCancer
