12/10/2026
DVAM: LET’S TALK ABOUT COERCIVE CONTROL. 💜
One of the most insidious and dangerous forms of domestic abuse is coercive control. It doesn’t always leave visible bruises, but it can slowly destroy a person’s confidence, freedom, identity and the will to live.
You change to keep the peace, but it’s never enough. You become quieter, more accommodating and more careful with your words, yet you are still criticised. The rules keep changing, leaving you questioning yourself and believing that if you just try harder, things will change.
Coercive control is about power, not love. It can involve isolation, monitoring, financial control, humiliation, intimidation and punishment whenever you try to reclaim your independence. It can continue long after separation.
Living in constant fear of someone’s reactions can lead to anxiety, depression, trauma, exhaustion and a profound loss of self. Survivors may feel trapped, hopeless and unable to see a way forward.
Coercive control is a serious risk factor for suicidal distress. We must take these warning signs seriously, listen without judgement and address the abuse alongside the emotional and psychological harm.
We must stop asking survivors why they stayed and start asking what they were surviving.
Family pressure, stigma, financial dependency and fear of shame can make seeking help even harder. Survivors deserve culturally sensitive, trauma-informed support that understands their circumstances without judgement.
You are not responsible for someone else’s decision to control you. You cannot love someone into treating you with respect, and you cannot win a game in which the rules are constantly changed to keep you powerless.
You do not have to lose yourself to keep someone else happy.
You deserve safety. You deserve freedom. You deserve to be you.
At Project Salama, we are committed to recognising the hidden signs of abuse, believing survivors and supporting them to rebuild their lives.
Breaking the silence. Recognising the control. Restoring the freedom. 💜