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Smile Addiction Support, St Gabriel’s Avenue, Sunderland (2026)

31/05/2026

💚 Stopping Harmful Cycles of Rescuing & Over-Functioning 💚

Many family members living alongside addiction will say:

“I’ve done everything I possibly can.”

And often, they truly have.

They have:

💔 Paid off debts

💔 Given money again and again

💔 Protected their loved one from consequences

💔 Lied or covered up to keep peace within the family

💔 Provided housing, food, emotional support, and care

💔 Stayed awake at night worrying

💔 Sacrificed their own wellbeing trying to save someone they love

Yet despite all of this love, effort, sacrifice, and rescuing… the cycle of addiction often continues.

This can leave families feeling completely baffled:

“Why are they still doing this after everything I’ve done?”

One of the painful realities is that someone's recovery cannot be carried by another person. No amount of rescuing, pleading, fixing, or over-functioning can create lasting change for someone who is not yet ready to take responsibility for themselves.

Families often become trapped in cycles where everyone around the person is working harder than the person struggling themselves.

The family begins:

carrying the emotional weight,

solving the financial crises,

managing the chaos,

trying to prevent disaster,

while the person in addiction becomes increasingly disconnected from responsibility, consequences, and change.

This does not happen because families are weak.

It happens because they love deeply.

But sometimes, the more the family over-functions, the less space there is for the person struggling to fully experience the reality of their addiction and the need for change.

That is one of the hardest truths families face.

Stopping rescuing does not mean:

❌ You do not care

❌ You are abandoning your loved one

❌ You are giving up on them

It means recognising:

💚 You cannot recover for another person

💚 You cannot love someone out of addiction

💚 You cannot carry responsibility that belongs to them

Healthy support may begin to look different:

✨ Setting boundaries

✨ Allowing natural consequences

✨ Encouraging professional help

✨ Stepping out of constant crisis management

✨ Focusing on your own wellbeing and getting support for yourself

One of the most important lessons families can learn is:

“I can love you deeply without destroying myself trying to save you.”

Addiction and substance misuse does not just affect one person. It affects everyone who loves them. And you matter too. 🌿

16/04/2026

- sharing as anonymous this was sent to me by a very brave woman who is looking for help and support as she navigates trying to move forward from her trauma and drug dependence.

I was sexually assaulted by a “family member” at when I was 13 years old and my family didn’t do anything about it, didn’t ring the police are anything or even ask me how I felt once. So I got left to deal with it on my own till now almost turning 34. I finally rang the police. Also my family found out I was taking sleeping tablets because for years I had been suffering with sleep paralysis of me being r***d and nightmares so I started buying pregabs 3/4 years ago, also nearly every relationship I have had has been a domestic violence relationships. I’ve been off the tablets for 2 weeks now but my family are saying I’ve changed but trying to tell them that the tablets have been be**er blockers for me and made me feel happy and now I’m not on them I’m trying to find who I was before them. My daughter is 16 and my son is almost 7, if he’s asleep and my daughter is awake, and I know I’m going to have a bad night, I go for a 10/15 minute drive to clear my head and listen to my music. Me and my daughter are clashing she’s went to stay with my mam for a little while but I just feel like no one understands the thoughts that haunt me and how am trying to find the knew sober me. I’ve got stars involved and sexual violence therapy and loads more I’m accepting everything I can at the moment but right now I feel lost I don’t know who I was before I took the tablets and my family are just at me saying I’ve changed. I’m not sleeping, I’ve lost a lot of weight over the months. I barely eat. I just don’t know where to go from here with my family. They say I’m pushing them because I feel like I can’t do right from wrong sober or not. So I’m just after some advice, I feel really depressed and got bad anxiety too

28/02/2026

I’ve been with my partner on and off for 10 years plus. Throughout this time he’s always had a problem with alcohol. Alcohol has always come first. I have never been a priority to him and neither has our child. He has had jobs and is a very good worker. Last year about a year ago, he admitted to a co***ne issue. On the same night he admitted to it, he had spent £250 on it on that night alone and has only got worse. He does not live with me due to past behaviours and lives with his mum. I immediately contacted his mum to see if she was aware of his co***ne addiction and as it turns out everyone was aware except me.

Over this last year I have tried so much to help him but he is always taking co***ne. He lies so much and his manipulation is on another level. We share a child together and several months ago our child was rushed to hospital unconscious, instead of seeing our child In hospital he instead continued to take co***ne and seen it as an fantastic excuse to be off work the next day when in fact he never visited his child and continued taking co***ne that night and through the weekend. I would never allow any drugs in my household and he always takes co***ne at home. Although I’m aware when he takes it, he says he can hide it from his mum despite it being the same house. He manipulates me so much indicating I’m not supportive enough as he says his mum would rather him take it there where she knows where he is rather then some ‘crack den’. This is something I can not agree to or see sense of. He has had loads of time of his current job and is currently on his last warning all down to co***ne and alcohol.

I am currently pregnant with his child and when I informed him I was pregnant he celebrated by taking co***ne. I have tried to help him by being in control of his finances however he just ticks co***ne on. He was the one who informed me of Peter Whale sadly passing away, sends me websites of how loved ones are effected and says he understands now what I am going through. He still continues to take co***ne. He watches videos of past co***ne users who are clean and says he will never touch it again after watching the videos, he still takes it. I took bad a few weeks ago, he wouldn’t answer his phone as he was taking co***ne. After taking it at the weekend he sends me a text saying “how do I get referred to the Peter whale foundation”. I am at my limit and told him to go search it because he doesn’t want help it’s always a self pity game with him. He still took it after this. He has always been a Jack the lad and thinks he is invincible and there is no limit to how much alcohol and co***ne he can handle. He is in a lot of debt which just builds every month for co***ne and never gets better. He’s always full of false promises. Everything seems to my fault. He takes co***ne and then acts as like nothing has happened the next day, if I mention it, it’s always a sob story of how he wants to kill himself. It’s like someone stamping all over me then forgetting the next day and trying to be my best friend.

I check his bank and he constantly lends money of people for co***ne. Most times I check and see the credits come in then straight back out all for co***ne. I don’t know who is keep lending him money. I am really sick of the lies. He lies about absolutely everything from what a person has said to where money has gone. He is so angry and doesn’t treat our child well at all. He keeps on promising to be a better dad to our child as he knows he never has been but again it’s all false promises. I’m always on egg shells around him, his health and looks has deteriorated and how he treats me and our child I hate him. I have lost a lot if not all love for him. My mental health has massively deteriorated and I am drained. I have put every last bit of energy into him. I need to heal myself and be the mam my child deserves. When asked how his co***ne use started he said it was because of the lockdown as he was lonely and he was just in a nightclub and someone offered him it, I don’t believe him and when confronted with that the nightclubs was closed in lockdown he changes the subject and says I’m just pestering him. It really seems as if I’m the only one who cared or sees the issue. I’ve now come to the conclusion there’s nothing more I can do and I can’t take anymore. He is the most selfish person I have ever known, me and my children deserves more and although he keeps on saying it’s a disease and would I leave him if he had cancer, I see it more as selfishness. I am completely ruined coz of him. He has admitted he is going to have people at his mums house. I have recently sent her text messages from him to inform her that she could well have trouble at her door. No doubt he will talk her around again and say I’m lying.

I know I will heal in time with him out my life but I know that leads to more drug use and possibility death. He mentions receiving threats for not paying for drugs. He says he’s suicidal and mentions how hurting Peters family are and understands how he felt at the time of his passing. I know this makes me a bad person but I need to save myself for me and my children’s sake even if that leads to his death. As hard as it is thinking he may get beat up or worse, there’s nothing I can do. He never tells me who his missed calls or texts are from. He basically says by taking co***ne he’s doing nothing wrong and says “at least I’m not going with any women”. I can’t continue to be dragged down with him. I have give his mum his money as I can’t help him anymore. He still gets it and I’m sure that will go on co***ne too but I’m done. There’s so much more I could write but I know I need to end this somewhere.

I am going to leave him to it as there’s nothing more I can do. If I drag myself any deeper into a hole, I don’t know if there will be any return for me. I am ignoring any future contact from him. The hardest part is, I know further down the line I will find out he’s passed away or been assaulted and in bad way.

Today is the day I’m no longer supporting or helping him.

24/02/2026

After being inundated with people wanting help I’m looking for maybe somewhere I could possible hold a meeting on a Wednesday night for 1.5 hours looking at either, Sunderland, Gateshead etc to help both family members and those suffering with addiction. I used to hold these twice a week and so many people benefited then die to personal circumstances I had to stop. I feel now I’m ready to try and help again.

Stages of addiction recovery are precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action and maintenance
1. Precontemplation Stage
People who are in the first stage of addiction recovery aren’t yet ready for any addiction treatment program. This phase is characterized by defensiveness and endless justification of their behavior. There’s a clear lack of insight into the negative impact of excessive drug or alcohol use and a strong focus on the positive effects they experience from using their drug of choice.
Someone might remain in this stage due to a lack of information about addictive behaviors. Another reason we regularly see people get stuck in the precontemplation stage is disappointment with multiple failed attempts at recovery and treatment options. Most individuals in precontemplation feel that recovery simply isn’t possible for them. The truth is that anyone can recover from any stage.

2. Contemplation Stage
The next phase is characterized by contemplative readiness. This means the person is ready to bring about change in the future, but not immediately. Unlike the previous stage, they’re aware of the pros of becoming drug-free.
However, they are also still acutely aware of the benefits they perceive from alcohol or drug addiction. This is a critical stage for family members and treatment facilities because the person is more likely to listen to reason. By avoiding blame, judgment and accusations, it’s possible to guide them to the next stage.
3. Preparation Stage
When it comes to the preparation stage, the individual is building a sense of urgency regarding their desire for sobriety. They’ve usually made steps toward taking action, such as intending to join a gym, seeing a counselor or attempting to quit addiction by themselves without attending a treatment center.
It’s normal for people in this phase to go for a day or two without turning to drug or alcohol abuse, but it’s also perfectly usual to see people jump back to contemplation or precontemplation in case triggers or difficult emotions arise.
4. Action Stage
During the action stage, the person has made significant changes in their lives and is committed to change. This stage of change is characterized by prolonged periods of abstinence and the inclination to turn to professionals for help before or after relapse.
It won’t just be a case of halting the destructive behavior; change will be apparent in multiple aspects of their lifestyle. Self-care and self-understanding are both present in this treatment stage, but counseling is required to keep them on the right path.
5. Maintenance Stage
During the maintenance stage, the individual is working hard to prevent addiction recovery relapse. They’re also keeping up the lifestyle changes they made, like getting regular exercise, recreational activities, staying sober, paying attention to sleep hygiene and attending support groups. They don’t feel the urge to relapse as frequently as people in the action stage, so their confidence grows and they truly believe in their ability to maintain sobriety long term.
This stage can last from six months to five years, depending on the severity of the addiction and the individual’s genes and experience. It takes a small minority of people six months of abstinence to reach the point where they don’t go back to their addictive behavior. However, for most people, a commitment of two to five years is necessary to truly break the habit and solidify change.

14/02/2026

Just heard this beautiful song again.
I never understood it fully when i first heard it.
But the words hit differently after loving and watching someone battling addiction.

If you're going through a hard time right now, especially on days like today.
Remember that person is in there that you love. It's the addiction that creates the awful behaviours.
I understand why you stay, I get why you keep fighting, and you get told time and time again to leave but you can't.
It's not good but i understand why you let your bounderies slip and you're constantly in that loop of disappointment, rejection and love bombing.

Keep going, small steps, focus on you, seek more support.
Each small step will make you stronger and could help push your loved one into the next stage of recovery.
And if you get the courage to put yourself first and leave.
That's ok .. you can only do so much before it breaks you.

Self care should always be your main focus.

Beautiful disaster- Kelly Clarkson

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme, I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right, it just ain't right
Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster?
He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight, hold on tight
Oh, 'cause I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster?
I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy, hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of a miracle
Waiting so long
I've waited for so long
He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the ends, he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take
Oh, 'cause I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster?
He's beautiful
Lord, he's beautiful
He's beautiful

02/01/2026

Seen this and had to share.

I am the non-addict who knows all too well what it’s like to have an addict in the family.

I know what it’s like to worry yourself sick. To cry yourself to sleep. To stare at baby pictures & reminisce.

I know to watch out for pinhole pupils and subtle changes in behavior. To listen to them talk and make excuses and pile on lie after lie. I know what it’s like to pretend to believe them because you are just too mentally exhausted for an argument when you know they are lying straight to your face.

I know what it’s like to be confused all of the time; to see their potential, to know what they are throwing away.

I know what it’s like to want their recovery more than they do. To be the one doing research on rehabs and other outlets for recovery.

I know what it’s like to miss someone who is still standing right in front of you.

I know what it’s like to wonder if each unexpected phone call is “the” phone call. I know what it’s like to be hurt so bad and be made so sick that part of you wishes you would get “the” phone call if nothing is going to change. You want that finality. You need the cycle to end. I know what it’s like to hate yourself for even allowing yourself to find relief in that horrible thought.

I know what it’s like to get the worst news of your life, and still walk into the grocery store and run your errands and smile at the cashier.

Everything the outside world expected of me seemed frivolous if I couldn’t keep one of my most important people in my life out of harm’s way.

I know what it’s like to be really feverishly angry!! Between the sadness there is a lot of anger. I know what it’s like to feel guilty for being so mad, even knowing all you know about addiction. You are allowed to be angry. This is not the life you signed up for.

I know the difference between enabling and empowering. I know there is a fine line between the two and the difference can mean life or death. I know what it’s like to the feel the weight of each day on your shoulders trying to balance the two.

I have been through enough to know that things don’t just change for the worse overnight; they can change in a millisecond. In a blink of an eye. As quick as it takes two people to make a $10 exchange.

I know what it’s like to feel stigmatized. To be the “mother of a drug addict,” a “sister of a drug addict", a "ex wife of a drug addict".

I know what it feels like to be handled with kid-gloves because no one outside of your toxic bubble knows what to say to help or criticizes you for your decisions or the sins of your loved one.

I know what it's like to be embarrassed when friends or neighbors tell you what they've seen or heard about your loved ones. I know what it's like to constantly have to wonder who seen the sheriff at your house or the fight that occurred before that.

I know what it's like to openly talk about your loved one being an addict in hopes people will judge you a little less because you can admit your loved one is an addict and does wrong.

I don’t know what the future holds for anyone who loves an addict today. One thing I know for sure is I am not alone in this battle.

Loving a drug addict is like grieving the loss of someone who's still alive.

20/12/2025

Christmas time can be a difficult time for those struggling with addiction.
The Let Them Theory" for addiction, popularized by Mel Robbins, is a mindset for loved ones focusing on radical acceptance and detachment:
stop trying to control, fix, or rescue someone from the natural, painful consequences of their addiction (job loss, relationship issues) and instead focus on your own peace, boundaries, and well-being ("let them" experience their choices, "let me" focus on myself).

24/10/2025

I was a 21 year old waiter working long hours often finishing late at night. One the night before my day off I was offered a bag of co***ne and what followed was 8 years of addiction.

In the begining it was 'just coke' but I would take any substance I could get my hands on when I was in party mode on my days of work during the week.

My lowest point was smoking he**in. However, I have come to learn there is no hierachy of substances including he**in to alcohol. ALL SUBSTANCES legal or illicit ARE ADDICTIVE.

It is human nature to crave the high created by the release of dopamine when people use substances.

When we make ourselves 'feel better' by taking substances what we are doing is telling our brain that we need certain chemicals to make us feel good, whether thats to feel good on a night out or to pick ourselves up from setbacks. I would find every excuse possible. Everyone has bad and low points in their lives, some far worse than others but you train yourself to use setbacks as a way of fueling your addiction but addiction also fuels your setbacks and makes them seem worse. You can numb your bad experiences with substances.

The guilt I carried for years after my last illicit substance was harder than watching my bank account empty and my debts pile up.

I felt guilty because I was ashamed, I had to educate myself to learn why I became addicted. I had a great life before drugs and drugs were something I never needed to be happy.

I joined a group called SMART Self Management and Recovery Training and I learned how to look after myself in more healthy ways.

A part of that was self care and promoting my self worth with mindfulness and positivity. I did this in a group and on my own. I created a new mindset without guilt and shame.

Society often piles shame, stigmatisation and hate upon people with addictions and lebels people. For example, "smack head, coke fiend and alcoholic". This creates barriers to people accessing the support they need from friends and family.

I believed that nobody would understand my behaviours with substances and I believed nobody would help me until I took the step into recovery.

8 years on I am still in recovery. Today, I am triggered by people sharing cubicles in pubs, coke on the backs of toilets, packets on the floor of pubs and clubs when I go out for a pint.

This is an epidemic, co***ne is the second most socially accepted drug after cannabis. There is a mamoth task ahead of everyone in society to understand the devestation created by co***ne.

Families deserve more support with addiction. Not just the person who has addictive behaviours. The harsh reality is most people are not professionals trained in coping with supporting a family member through such a complex illness. Therefore, it is 'normal' to feel lost or as if you don't know what to do to support someone and you as family members should never feel guilty or ashamed when you dont have the answers or your loved ones lapse or relapse.

You can offer support but you may never truly understand how someone feels and thats OK the fact you care and actively support is enough.

Addiction is a prision in your own mind. Finding healthy ways to cope, understanding your past experiences and feelings and setting yourself free from shame, guilt and stigma is a massive step towards a better life and a substance free one.

19/10/2025

I’ve always felt safe in nature — it’s where my soul finds stillness and my heart finds clarity.
Among the trees, I’ve learned some of life’s greatest lessons: that growth takes time, that storms are temporary, and that strength often lies unseen, deep within our roots.
This poem was inspired by that connection — the way the trees mirror our journeys through healing, change, and renewal. When I walk among them, I’m reminded that even after being broken, we can still rise, still grow, still bloom again.

Routed in strength

You can cut down my branches —
but still, I’ll grow.
You can strip me bare,
yet I’ll stand through the snow.
I’ve weathered the storms, been shaken and scarred,
Still, I rise — though the journey’s been hard.
They’ve admired my blossom when I’ve looked my best,
But few stayed close when life put me to the test.
When the sun breaks through, I reach for the sky,
Because even the broken still learn to fly.
Each mark on my bark tells a story I own,
A map of the battles that made me my own.
I’ve learned not to fear when my branches bend low,
For even in silence, there’s space to grow.
The rain that once stung now helps me to rise,
A tender reminder — my strength never dies.
The forest around me whispers, you’re not alone,
Every tree bears its cracks, its scars, its tone.
Together we stand, though the wild winds cry,
Rooted in truth, reaching high to the sky.
My roots run deep, forever intertwined,
And in that depth — real strength, I find.
So when my branches break, I will still stand tall,
Because growth doesn’t stop when pieces fall.
I am not just what you see — I’m what I’ve survived,
Every storm I’ve faced has kept me alive.
For I am the tree, unbroken, untamed,
Rooted in purpose, and proudly reclaimed.

09/09/2025

Love this and It's so true.....

❤️YOU DON'T GET OVER AN ADDICTION BY STOPPING USING. YOU RECOVER BY CREATING A NEW LIFE WHERE IT IS EASIER TO NOT USE. IF YOU DON'T CREATE A NEW LIFE, THEN ALL THE FACTORS THAT BROUGHT YOU TO YOUR ADDICTION WILL CATCH UP WITH YOU AGAIN.❤️

Smile Addiction Support

31/05/2026

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28/02/2026

24/02/2026

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02/01/2026

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