15/10/2026
Sister Ally, our Spiritual Care and Wellbeing Lead, was invited to speak at this year’s College of Health Care Chaplains conference. The theme was With the End in Mind, which is also the title of Dr Kathryn Mannix's book, and Kathryn, a palliative care doctor, gave one of the keynotes.
Kathryn told the story of a woman who wrote to her after her mother died. For eight years she couldn’t sleep properly. She kept hearing the loud, uneven breathing of her mother’s last hours and believed her mother had been suffering. Nobody had told her that this is a normal part of dying. As a person becomes less conscious, they can no longer swallow, and air passing over a little fluid in the throat makes a rattling sound. It isn’t painful or distressing for them. After reading Kathryn’s book, the woman slept soundly for the first time in years.
Kathryn’s wider point was that dying used to be familiar. In the 1920s, most people were born at home and died at home. Families cared for their own, women especially, and nearly everyone had sat at a bedside and seen what dying looks like. Talking about it wasn’t morbid; it was part of life. Today very few of us have had that experience, and not knowing what to expect is a large part of what makes it frightening.
Sister Ally spoke about her experiences of caring at Skanda Vale Hospice, and how our patients show us the way. She described bucket-list outings, meeting elephants, and finding creative ways around mobility problems to reach the beach, get into the sea, and even take a boat to Caldey Island. Above all, she spoke about being there when it counts: being present, meeting people where they are, and helping them find a sense of peace and acceptance before they die.
It was a joy to spend time with so many people who do this work and are so generous with what they’ve learned. Sharing what we know about dying helps all of us, not only those who work in care. If you’ve been with someone at the end of their life, talking about it with the people close to you could make it a little less daunting for them, and perhaps for you too.