Starlight ASD Support

15/05/2026

🌟 A Day in My Shoes 🌟

I walk into school and put on my usual smile. Most people think I’m fine because I’ve learnt how to mask. I laugh at jokes I don’t understand, nod along in lessons even when my brain is racing in ten directions, and I do everything I can to please the teachers. It’s exhausting. Sometimes people take my equipment or someone shouts out and throws things. I have to act “cool” and laugh even though, sometimes I have no idea what is funny and frequently think their behaviour makes no sense. However I know I can’t openly say that. By lunch, I feel like I’ve run a marathon.I am shattered but have to stick on “that smile” or else friends call me moody and then ask questions. Questions I can’t answer. The word “autism” gets thrown around negatively by other students, especially at breaktime. This makes me feel stupid and different and also angry as they have no idea what I’m actually coping with daily. I actually really struggle when people say I have “super powers”.it may help some people but if I had super powers I could turn of all my sensory issues and not find processing and communication so challenging. It’s improving but when everyone’s talking at once and lights are blaring, chairs are scraping…. It’s like being in middle of the pit at a heavy metal concert!

Sometimes, I wish I could say: “I’m struggling to focus because my brain jumps around and I’m always having multiple thoughts In my head at once,like someone playing Tetris at ultimate speed mode or “It’s hard to join in because my ASD makes all the noise and lights feel overwhelming and it’s hard to communicate and explain to people what is actually wrong. The worst is when people
ask me to explain what would help? Where do I start? How can I possibly explain all the things that I find challenging. Although I have learnt now that writing it down works for me. Now I write down for my teachers what helps me work better. However just because that works for me I know it might be different for others.

I was recently asked What makes me overwhelmed? One example is when teachers say things like “
Great news, today we are doing an interactive fun activity in the classroom”. I dread days like that. Outside of school, an example of being overwhelmed is going to supermarkets when it’s busy. How do others not notice the glaring lights, sounds the trolleys wheels make, screams from young children, overpowering smells of the fish counter.

I try so hard to keep everything in, hoping nobody notices how much effort it takes just to look ‘normal.’ Then I hit exhaustion point and just stop being able to function. I zone out on my games, music and films!! I have learnt it’s actually ok to recharge and now tell mum when I need to do that.

On a positive though, over the last six months, things have started to change and improve. I have been learning strategies and ways to communicate and manage my anxiety and I have discovered I’m not a “weirdo” I’m much more comfortable with who I am now and things are gradually starting to make more sense. I have been able to finally let my guard down and talk through things which I have internalised for years and began to fill in the gaps socially, emotionally and in relation to my communication. I have even started transferring some of my new skills and strategies at school, making life there gradually becoming easier to manage. Suddenly, school is feeling a little less heavy.

I’m still learning, but one of my biggest discoveries is that masking doesn’t have to be my whole story. I hope if you can relate to this you or your parents can also see there is a way out of the pain from masking and anxiety and things can and do improve.

Hope this is helpful to all of you who read this. I see so many wonderful young people/ teenagers and working with them all is such a privilege. These are comments I have put together from people who I see. I always think hearing direct words from teenagers themselves is so powerful.

26/04/2026

The iceberg explanation is so important and often gets forgotten unfortunately, so I always feel it is good to share posters like this which are so colourful and visual.

Some children get labelled as “attention-seeking” when their behaviour feels loud, constant or hard to manage. But most of the time, that behaviour is not about wanting attention for the sake of it. It is about needing connection, safety and reassurance.

Children do not always have the words to say “I feel left out”, “I am worried”, or “I do not feel important”. So it comes out in other ways - interrupting, clinging, acting younger, pushing boundaries, or demanding attention at the worst times. When adults only react to the behaviour, the real need underneath stays unmet.

The shift matters. When we see behaviour as communication, we respond differently. We stay curious instead of frustrated. We look for what is driving it instead of trying to shut it down. That is where trust builds, and where behaviour starts to change.

Free ATTENTION-SEEKING ICEBERG POSTER

LIKE the photo and comment "ICEBERG" and we will send you a message with a link to a free PDF of this resource.

26/04/2026

A child’s behaviour is not random. It is communication.

What looks like “attention-seeking”, defiance, or big reactions is often a child trying to tell you something they do not have the words for yet. Feeling unsafe. Not being understood. Overwhelmed. Tired. Needing connection. Trying to have some control.

When we focus only on stopping the behaviour, we miss the message.

Many children are labelled as difficult when they are actually struggling with unmet emotional needs, anxiety, sensory overload, trauma, or simply not feeling seen and heard. The behaviour is the signal - not the problem.

The shift is simple but powerful:
Look for the need, not just the behaviour.

When adults stay calm, get curious, and respond with understanding instead of punishment, everything changes. Relationships strengthen. Children feel safer. Behaviour starts to make sense.

This is how we support real emotional wellbeing - not by controlling children, but by understanding them.

Free UNMET CHILDREN’S NEEDS CHECKLIST POSTER GUIDE

LIKE the photo and comment "CHECKLIST" and we will send you a message with a link to a free PDF of this resource.

23/04/2026

Thought lots of people could relate to this and saw it posted on another page so wanted to share it on here for everyone to enjoy. ☺️

Musings of an autist … what AuDHD can feel like…

- Frozen at the starting line, unable to begin.
- No internal clock. Time simply doesn’t exist.
- Crashing completely after pushing too hard, too long.
- Sounds that don’t bother others feel like assault.
- Every choice drains what little fuel remains.
- A body that refuses to power down.
- A relentless internal voice convinced you’ve failed.
- Chaos without boundaries feels unbearable.
- A brain that hunts for hidden connections everywhere.
- Perceived rejection lands like devastation.
- Emotions don’t end, they linger for hours, sometimes days.
- Disrupted routines can unravel an entire day.
- Performing “normal”, sometimes without even knowing it.
- A fierce, visceral sense of right and wrong.
- Either dominating every conversation or going completely silent.
- Anchored by ritual. Destabilised without it.
- Passions that arrive with full intensity, then shift without warning.
- Complete shutdown when the world becomes too loud, too bright, too much.
- Constantly misread, consistently underestimated.
- Feeling everything deeply while tolerating very little.
- Needing predictability. Suffocating under control.
- Simultaneously too intense and utterly invisible.
- Locked in. Scattered. Often at the same time.
- Both overwhelmed by sensation and desperate for more of it.
- Desperately seeking a rhythm you simultaneously resist.
- Internal chaos that only you can see.
- Talking at length, then vanishing entirely.
- Skipping meals without noticing. Unable to stop eating when anxious.
- Emotions that hit hard and take forever to process.
- Can’t remember where the keys are. Can recite a conversation from 2009.
- Getting started is agony. Stopping is impossible.

This is not inconsistency. This is not laziness. This is the AuDHD nervous system.

23/04/2026

Some children are not “misbehaving”. They are overwhelmed.

When a child suddenly starts shouting, refusing, hitting, or shutting down, it can look like defiance. But often it is the brain under stress. In that moment, they are not choosing to be difficult. They are struggling to cope.

As stress rises, the thinking part of the brain switches off. That is why reasoning, consequences, or telling them to calm down does not work. The more overwhelmed they feel, the less able they are to listen, think, or control their behaviour.

What helps is not more pressure. It is less. Fewer demands. A calm adult. Simple words. Space. Safety.

Children borrow calm from us. And when we meet stress with calm, we give them a way back.

Free THE REGULATION LADDER: POSTER GUIDE FOR PARENTS AND CARERS

LIKE the photo and comment "REGULATION" and we will send you a message with a link to a free PDF of this resource.

28/03/2026

🌸🐰 Happy Easter to All Families!🐣🌼

As we head into this lovely holiday season, I wanted to take a moment to celebrate all the hard work everyone has put in this term! 🎉 it has been such fun helping and watching everyone’s efforts in improving their communication skills, develop increased emotional regulation, assist with understanding friendships, and managing anxiety, to mention just a few of the areas we have been focusing on. As always all of you have been inspirational with your honesty and resilience as we face new challenges.

This term has been all about progress, and it’s amazing to see how much everyone has improved. I continue to use fun and relaxed approaches like play therapy, crafts, and board games, which has meant we have been able to learn and practice those essential social skills, help reduce rigidity and look at challenges and strategies while having loads of fun and much laughter! As always I adapt each session for each young person/ teenager so it’s suitable for their needs. 🎨🎲

So, as we enjoy the Easter break let’s remember to take a break, relax, and celebrate the positive strides we've made together. A good chance to recharge those emotional batteries. 😊

Wishing everyone a wonderful Easter. 🐣

27/03/2026

You think you’re overwhelmed because there’s “too much to do”… but the real reason is your brain is overloaded in a way most people don’t even recognize.

Why Overwhelm Looks Completely Different Across ADHD, Autism, and Beyond

There’s a point where everything starts to feel like too much.

Not just big tasks.
Even small things.
Even simple decisions.

And the confusing part is this:

Two people can have the same workload…
But completely different breakdowns.

Because overwhelm is not just about how much you have to do.

It’s about how your brain processes that load.

The Bandwidth Model: Your Brain Has a Limit

From a clinical perspective, every brain has a certain cognitive bandwidth.

This includes:

Attention
Emotional regulation
Sensory processing
Decision-making capacity

When tasks exceed that limit…

The system doesn’t just slow down.

It overloads.

And depending on your neurotype, that overload looks very different.

ADHD: Executive System Overload

In ADHD, the first system to crash is executive functioning.

This is the system responsible for:

Starting tasks
Organizing steps
Prioritizing what matters first

When overloaded, you may experience:

Freezing and doing nothing
Forgetting what you were about to do
Inability to decide where to start
Sudden irritability or emotional spikes

This is not avoidance.

It’s the brain losing its ability to sequence action.

Autism: Sensory and Autonomic Overload

In autism, overload often begins in the sensory and nervous system level.

This includes:

Sound
Light
Social input
Internal body signals

When overwhelmed, the brain may trigger:

A constant internal “alarm” feeling
Shutdown (withdrawal, silence)
Meltdown (intense emotional release)
Heightened sensitivity to everything around you

This is not overreaction.

It’s the nervous system reaching capacity.

AuDHD: When Two Systems Collide

When ADHD and autism coexist (AuDHD), overload becomes more complex.

Because two systems are affected:

Executive dysfunction (ADHD)
Sensory/autonomic overload (Autism)

This creates:

Internal chaos + external overwhelm
Cognitive “lock-up” where thinking stops
Deep self-criticism after shutdown

It’s not just overload.

It’s conflicting overload signals at the same time.

Twice Exceptional (2e): The Hidden Burnout Pattern

In individuals who are both highly capable and neurodivergent, overload often looks like:

Overthinking loops
Perfectionism-driven exhaustion
High internal pressure to perform
Sudden burnout and withdrawal

Because the brain can perform at a high level…

Until it suddenly can’t.

And when it crashes, it crashes hard.

Why This Changes Everything About How You See Yourself

Most people assume:

“I’m overwhelmed because I’m not managing well.”

But the reality is:

Different brains break down in different ways under the same pressure.

So what looks like:

Laziness
Overreaction
Disorganization
Emotional instability

May actually be system-specific overload.

Clinical Insight: Overload Is a Signal, Not a Failure

When the brain exceeds its capacity, it doesn’t “push through.”

It protects itself.

By:

Shutting down
Avoiding tasks
Reacting emotionally
Slowing everything down

This is not dysfunction.

It’s protective regulation.

What Actually Helps (Across Neurotypes)

The solution is not to push harder.

It’s to adjust the load.

This includes:

Reducing simultaneous demands
Breaking tasks into smaller units
Creating predictable structure
Managing sensory input
Allowing recovery time before burnout hits

Because once overload happens…

The system needs regulation, not pressure.

What This Image Is Really Showing

It’s not just about being overwhelmed.

It’s about how your brain overloads…

And why your experience may look completely different from someone else’s.

25/03/2026

Emotional Battery and why “recharge” is essential. 😊

Feeling emotionally drained after a long day at school or college is something many students experience, but for those on the autism spectrum, it can be particularly intense. The day-to-day challenges of social communication, navigating interactions, and managing sensory overload can leave them feeling like their emotional batteries are running low.

Being able to “recharge” is so important because for individuals with autism, social situations can be very overwhelming. Constantly processing social cues, maintaining conversations, and dealing with sensory stimuli—like noise and crowded hallways—can be exhausting. It’s crucial to acknowledge that after such a demanding day, they need time to recharge.

Individuals on the autism spectrum often encounter a range of challenges during social interactions, which can significantly impact their ability to connect with others. Here are some common difficulties they may face:

1. Understanding Social Cues
- Nonverbal Communication: so many young people/ teenagers struggle to interpret body language, facial expressions, and gestures. This includes :-
Tone of Voice:-Difficulty discerning emotions conveyed through intonation and pitch.
Body language:- understanding how posture is a form of communication.
Facial expressions:- reading facial expressions is especially hard and can cause much confusion for numerous young people/ teenagers. As they also struggle with eye contact they can also frequently miss facial expressions and non verbal body language adding to the confusion.

2. Navigating Conversations
- Initiating and Maintaining Dialogue: Teenagers and young g people have numerous challenges in starting conversations or keeping them going and this is an essential skill they need to learn, transfer and develop in an ongoing basis. It does not come naturally and although many of them are very articulate and can speak at length on areas of their special Interest or with people they trust and feel comfortable, it’s very hard to learn how to use and transfer those skills into other social environments. However it’s a skill they can learn and with it also comes increased self esteem and confidence as they learn to navigate and manage conversations and interactions successfully.
Turn-Taking:-
Difficulty in understanding when to speak or listen, leading to interruptions.
3. Interpreting Humor and Banter
Literal Interpretation: This can be a real issue for young people and teenagers who have a natural tendency to take things literally, making it hard to grasp jokes or sarcasm. They can find it hard to differentiate between sarcasm/banter and genuine comments which leads to huge inner struggles of self doubt, overthinking and genuine confusion. Sadly many teenagers and young people spend hours thinking over remarks and comments made by peers to them over the course of the day, keeping them awake at night and sadly shattering their self esteem. Helping them to learn and develop strategies and skills in this area is essential.

4. Sensory Overload
Environmental Distractions:-young people/ teenagers are often left struggling due to sensory overload and challenges. This might present as
* Sensitivity to noise,
* lights
* crowded spaces
* Sudden loud noises
* Fire alarms
* Uncomfortable clothing
Plus many other challenges which can lead to overwhelm, and for some genuine pain and over riding discomfort making socializing even more difficult.

5. Anxiety and Stress
Part of social anxiety is a fear of judgment or misunderstanding which can hinder participation in social situations. This often is accompanied by a fear of rejection from peers and others which makes the young person worried and concerned about not fitting in or being accepted by peers. These are just two examples and both of these can lead to social withdrawal.

6. Forming and Maintaining Friendships
Social Skills Development:-Difficulty in developing the skills needed to make and sustain friendships.
Help to develop shared interests:- Young people frequently have ongoing challenges in finding common ground with peers, leading to feelings of isolation.
7. Misinterpretation of Intentions
Understanding Others’ Perspectives:- Difficulty in recognizing or empathizing with the feelings and thoughts of others.

8. Routine and Change
Preference for Routine: Discomfort with unexpected changes in social plans or environments can lead to anxiety.

Recharge Time:
So to recap and bring this back to importance of recharge time, I wanted to explain why this downtime isn’t just a luxury; it’s a necessity. Whether it’s spending time alone, engaging in a calming activity, or enjoying a favorite hobby, allowing time to recuperate helps restore emotional energy and promotes overall well-being.

Hope this information is helpful .

16/02/2026

School/ College Refusal

Today, I just wanted to focus slightly on the immense challenges faced by our children and teenagers who struggle with school/college refusal due to anxiety, fear, and dread. For many, the thought of stepping into a classroom can feel overwhelming, leading to feelings of isolation and low self-worth. I am aware it’s a sensitive topic, but feel it’s important to raise and remember the families who face daily struggles within this area.

Fear and Anxiety:Many children / teenagers experience intense fear that manifests as school or college refusal. The anticipation of social interactions, academic pressures, or simply the unfamiliarity of a school environment can trigger a panic response. This fear can quickly spiral, intensifying their anxiety. Then due to communication issues they find it hard to express or verbalise their feelings, sometimes negative behaviour is their communication, others shut down retreating into themselves.

Articulating their feelings can sometimes be nearly impossible. Trying to explain an immense, overwhelming fear and panic is hard to put into words and is often not the result of one issue but a culmination which has led to a sense of complete fear, panic, dread and stress just at the mention of school or college.

This frustration often exacerbates feelings of helplessness and contributes to emotional dysregulation, making it even harder to cope with their environment.

This all then leads to an Impact on their Self-Esteem. When children/ teenagers are unable to attend school/ college or engage with peers, their self-esteem can take a significant hit. They may feel different or inadequate, leading to a cycle of negative self-perception that can be hard to break. They can constantly compare themselves to others, experience intense feelings of guilt, failure and many fill their heads wondering why they are different.

I use various ways of working with the wonderful people I see, one approach which I have found essential is relational therapy. Relational therapy offers a supportive and understanding environment where children/ teenagers can explore their feelings and fears. By focusing on building trust and meaningful connections, this approach can help and is key to the work I do with teenagers and children. This approach helps them slowly step away from the anxiety and fear as we gradually“peel back” the layers of fear they have built around themselves. Slowly and carefully we gently work together and often with much fun and laughter find strategies and approaches suitable for each individual. We use craft, sensory toys, games, whatever is appropriate for that specific person. Everything must be adapted for each individual and constantly readapted as required. Gradually those walls do come down and seeing them properly smile again is so rewarding.

Once they feel relaxed, listened to and supported then we can focus on Developing Communication Skills. With the right support, they can learn to express their emotions and needs more effectively. Helping them learn how to regulate their emotions is always essential. When children and teenagers are experiencing emotional dysregulation every situation leaves them and their families exhausted, stressed and can in some tragic cases leave the family feeling they are at crisis point.

Another key area I focus on is Boosting Self-Esteem: Through positive reinforcement and encouragement I try to help teenagers and children recognize their worth and capabilities, paving the way for greater confidence.

I know I usually post about what we have been doing, but felt this was important to highlight. Hopefully everyone can have a chance to relax and recharge over this half term.
Thank you as always to the wonderful families I have the privilege of working alongside as they navigate their way through the challenges life can present.

31/12/2025

Celebrating a Year of fun, laughter, hard work, resilience and growth within all who are part of Starlight ASD Support! 🌟

As I reflect on the past year, I’m filled with such gratitude for the incredible progress so many have made throughout this year. The range is so vast, from challenging behaviour and poor self esteem to, PDA difficulties, ADHD and OCD struggles, intrusive thoughts, heightened anxiety, social communication and interaction. challenges. The list is endless but one common ground the majority of people I see all say is … “ Why are people so confusing and why don’t they make sense”. The other heartbreaking comment I hear is “ why am I like this, I wish I could stop spending nights worrying about everything.” However watching them gradually, at their own pace, learn skills and believe in themselves, that progress, their smiles and laughter, make every challenging moment worthwhile as they learn skills to help them through this complex and challenging world we live within.

I feel so fortunate to be in this job. Yes, there are many barriers to overcome, however as each breakthrough happens or a new skill is learnt, every struggle slides into the background. Always there are new challenges to face, I would be lying to pretend learning one skill magically makes everything better, however what to NT people is perhaps rather basic, like learning ” how to start a conversation” to parents who have watched their child/ teenager struggle learning that skill is HUGE. I think that’s one of the reasons I created Starlight, along with many supportive people in the early years and without their help Starlight would never have grown. Their belief, encouragement and support helped Starlight grow the way it has over the years and I will never forget those people.

Over the past year it’s been heartwarming to see so many flourish in their independence and self-esteem, start reducing anxiety, improve their communication and social interaction skills and try to manage emotional regulation . I

Looking ahead, I’m thrilled about the exciting opportunities this year holds!I will continue to focus on the power of learning through play, a method that not only fosters skill transference but also creates a safe space for individuals to navigate their anxieties and always try to create the right environment for each individual I see. I always adapt all the work I do for each person. I still use art and play for teenagers, it’s adapted to games or making games on the area we are covering . If they feel involved transference of skills is learnt in an easier way and less stilted and they can relax and learn without giving standardised answers.

Within Starlight , every connection and every success, past and present, feels even more meaningful. Let’s continue this journey together, supporting one another and here is to 2026! 💙✨