15/10/2026
💜When did control become romanticised?
From films and television to music lyrics, celebrity culture and social media trends, the stories we consume can influence how we understand love, relationships and what we consider acceptable behaviour.
Sometimes, controlling behaviour is presented as a sign of passion. Jealousy is framed as proof that someone cares. Possessiveness is portrayed as romantic. A partner who refuses to take no for an answer is celebrated for being persistent, whilst someone who monitors their partner’s whereabouts is described as protective.
These narratives might seem harmless in isolation, but they can blur the lines between healthy affection and unhealthy control.
Love is not ownership. Jealousy is not proof of commitment. And control is not care.
When controlling behaviour is repeatedly presented as desirable, it can become harder to recognise when something is wrong. Particularly for young people who are still learning what healthy relationships look like, these messages can shape expectations about how a partner should behave and what they should be willing to accept.
Consider some of the behaviours that popular culture can romanticise:
💜 Possessiveness presented as love.
A partner who becomes angry when someone speaks to another person, dresses a certain way or spends time with friends may be portrayed as deeply in love. In reality, using jealousy to justify restrictions on another person's freedom can be a warning sign of controlling behaviour.
💜Persistence presented as romantic.
Stories sometimes celebrate someone who continues pursuing a person after they have said no. But consent and boundaries matter. Refusing to accept someone's decision is not a grand romantic gesture.
💜Monitoring presented as protection.
Expecting constant updates, demanding passwords or questioning someone's every movement can be framed as concern. There is a difference between caring about someone's safety and feeling entitled to monitor or control their life.
💜 Isolation presented as devotion.
A partner who wants to spend every moment together might initially seem attentive. However, when this develops into resentment towards friends and family, pressure to withdraw from support networks or restrictions on independence, it can become a means of control.
💜 Harmful behaviour excused by intense emotions.
Anger, heartbreak or fear of losing someone are sometimes used in fictional stories to justify manipulation, intimidation or aggression. But strong feelings do not excuse abusive behaviour.
This does not mean every film, song or television programme that depicts jealousy, conflict or unhealthy relationships is harmful. Stories can explore these experiences in important and thought-provoking ways. The issue is how the behaviour is framed: is it challenged, or is it celebrated? Are boundaries respected, or is crossing them rewarded? Are the consequences acknowledged, or is harmful behaviour excused because the character is attractive, charismatic or supposedly in love?
It is also important to recognise that media is only one influence on our understanding of relationships.
Family experiences, peer groups, social expectations and wider attitudes all play a role. But the messages we repeatedly encounter deserve to be questioned, especially when they reinforce the idea that love gives someone the right to control another person.
We can all play a part in challenging these narratives. We can question the behaviours we see celebrated online, talk openly with young people about consent and boundaries, and encourage conversations about what respect looks like in practice.
Most importantly, we can help create a culture where healthy relationships are understood as relationships built on trust, equality, respect and freedom, not fear, pressure or control.
At Juno, we believe that preventing domestic abuse means challenging the attitudes and behaviours that allow it to be normalised. That includes looking critically at the messages around us and asking ourselves what they teach us about love, power and relationships.
Because controlling behaviour doesn't become healthy just because a film makes it look romantic, a song describes it as love, or a social media trend makes it seem normal.
Everyone deserves a relationship where they can be themselves, maintain their independence, set boundaries and feel safe. 💜
