18/06/2026
Behind Jenson’s smile is so much more than anyone could possibly imagine ….
Everyone who meets Jenson instantly notices his beaming smile, appearing as though everything is fine. However, he frequently breaks down, fixing his gaze upon me whilst his eyes fill with tears. This normally occurs during appointments when he has been asked questions by the medical consultant, which could simply be how he is feeling.
Yesterday an unexpected phone call from a school nurse asked how Jenson was. Not having had a conversation with this person before it was explained to me that they had received a discharge letter notification stating that Jenson had been seen by the hospital emergency department several weeks ago.
The call was to check if Jenson was okay and if there was anything that they could do to help Jenson at school. This puzzled me instantly knowing that Jenson hasn’t been attending school since the end of April, following his foot injury and also the recent pain and discomfort he has been experiencing with his left thigh since his fall. School has been impossible to attend due to the multitude of Jenson‘s hospital appointments, stays in hospital, research trial visits to London and also just feeling completely traumatised and in discomfort from all what has happened to him recently.
I describe Jenson to his health team as being a hedgehog wanting to curl up and hibernate as his world is just too overwhelming with how his body is struggling to move the way he wants. The impact of multiple appointments and scans and not feeling in control when his legs give way and how he finds he can’t bend down to pick up a toy off the floor, causes tension to mount up. His temper from anger and frustration increasingly causes explosive moments and it’s heartbreaking to see how much pain he appears to be suppressing which he can’t verbally talk about.
I was asked what support they could help with and if anything was in place currently for respite care, counselling sessions and if he has a Social Worker. Yes, Jenson does have a Social Worker due to being classed as a child in need, which he has had since last summer following the increased incidents of him hitting and kicking me at home. I also explained that he has had frequent visits to his medical team to help with his injury to his leg and that he doesn’t have respite care or counselling. It was explained that he would be discharged from their services because he clearly has support! Another sense of hope smashed! I wasn’t surprised as we often hear those words that a potential support service can’t help and so his name will be crossed off the list.
At times like this, I grab hold of those few moments on a telephone conversation and try so hard to let them know the whole picture of how Jenson is struggling. Although we have had initial conversations with CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health service) and the offer of talking therapy or play sessions, Jenson doesn’t want to see anyone as this is overwhelming too. He struggles to open up and talk about his feelings and so potential support then diminishes. How can Jenson be helped if he appears unresponsive to their questions and so will sit there quietly listening but with his head down and anxiety building up. Not only will Jenson close up to others but he rarely explains how he feels to us and becomes dysregulated.
Surely there must be other children who struggle to verbally explain the deep struggles they feel and wonder is there actually is any support out there to help. It’s heartbreaking and we know Jenson‘s burdens become more day by day and the pain he suppresses increases with the only way of releasing this pent up tension is through physically throwing, shouting and hitting out.
So yes, Jenson smiles every day but he struggles and fears just intensify. Sadly this is invisible to others who think he’s okay and they think he just needs to be discharged from waiting lists, but the truth is, he desperately needs their help now.
