03/06/2026
Mentalizing is something we do naturally as humans. It’s our ability to understand others’ behaviours by looking at their underlying mental states. It helps us make sense of why we – and other people – might be acting a certain way.
If a child is angry at their caregiver, when mentalizing, the caregiver might notice how they feel frustrated but then think:
“my child might be hungry”
“they might be tired” or
“their routine has been disrupted”
Mentalizing can help families with challenges like emotional and behavioural issues, anxiety, depression, relational difficulties, and family conflict. Mentalizing can be taught to families in clinical settings.
Here are some ways mentalizing helps families...
đź§ It reduces misunderstandings.
Instead of jumping to conclusions (“She’s being rude on purpose”), caregivers learn to slow down and notice what they are feeling when faced with their child’s behaviour and then think about what might be happening for the child, “Maybe she’s tired or upset about something.” This helps avoid arguments.
đź§ It improves communication.
When people mentalize, they talk more openly about how they feel (“I felt ignored when you didn’t answer me”) rather than blaming (“You never listen”). This can make conversations calmer and clearer.
đź§ It builds empathy.
Families become better at seeing things from each other’s point of view – helping everyone feel more supported and understood.
🧠It helps with controlling one’s own emotions.
When people understand their own emotions better, they can manage them more calmly – for example, recognising “I’m angry because I felt left out” instead of just shouting.
đź§ It strengthens relationships.
Over time, this leads to more trust, closeness, and a sense that “we’re on the same team.”
Mentalizing helps families stay connected, kind and calm. Even when things are stressful.
Do you work in child and family mental health?
Join our upcoming course for a full introduction to Mentalization-Based Treatment for Families (MBT-F).
We offer a hands-on exploration of all the essential elements of MBT-F. We emphasise applying the core mentalizing stance in working with families, so we’ll cover assessment techniques like developing a mentalizing profile and provide opportunities to hone specific techniques for working with families in this way.
Our next start dates...
5 January
9 March
6 July
Find out more:
https://orlo.uk/VeN8j