Paws of Hope Bulldog Rescue UK

09/10/2026

She's in temporary foster out of the cold - applications still open for forever home 🩵🩷💚

🩷🩵💚 DAIM NEEDS A RETIREMENT HOME ASAP 💚🩵🩷

Hello, darling. I’m Daim, I’m six, and I’d like to speak to whoever is in charge of sofa allocation because I’m currently living outside and this is absolutely not the retirement package I had in mind. 🩷

I’m asking for a comfy settee, a warm home and some people to love me. Nothing outrageous. I haven’t requested a hot tub or a live-in chef. Yet.

🩵 CHILDREN
Absolutely love them. Small humans are very welcome in my retirement residence.

💚 DOGS
Happy to share my home with a dog or dogs. Any gentlemen must be neutered, please — I’m looking for home comforts, not a maternity ward.
I’ve lived with a female before too.

🩷 CATS
No thank you. Please submit your housing application elsewhere.

🩵 MY FIGURE
Apparently I need some exercise and to lose a bit of weight. Rude, but fine. Some gentle adventures together would be lovely — just remember the walk should end at our sofa.

💚 SPAY STATUS
I’m not spayed yet. The Paws of Hope aunties have that on my to-do list.

🩷 MY WISH LIST
A warm bed. A comfy settee. Company. Home comforts.
Somewhere I can finally put my paws up and belong.

I urgently need a home ASAP. I’m only six — I’ve still got so much love to give, and I’d really like to give it from inside a house. 🩵

💚 CURRENTLY IN LIVERPOOL 💚

Please contact Paws of Hope if you could offer me a home, and share my post to help my people find me.

Application link below

https://forms.gle/q3yncH4Qxhx1Y3PX6

Love,
Daim — future sofa supervisor 🩵💚🩷

09/10/2026

🚨🩷 LINDT URGENTLY NEEDS A NEW HOME 🩷🚨
👑 PREFERABLY A CASTLE WITH A GARDEN 👑

I’m Lindt, 3 years old, not spayed yet, and currently in a formal dispute with the housing department.

They moved me into a flat.

A FLAT.

I’m named after luxury chocolate and you’ve housed me like a student with an overdraft. 😭

🩷 DOGS — ABSOLUTELY NOT

I need to be the only queen in my castle.

I’m not looking for a friend, a sister or some hairy little bastard who thinks we’re sharing a throne.

This is a monarchy. There is ONE vacancy and I’ve already filled it. 💅

💚 CHILDREN — YES PLEASE

Love them. All ages.

Tiny humans? Wonderful.
Bigger humans? Wonderful.
Another dog wearing a jumper and pretending to be a child? Nice try. F**k off.

🩵 CATS — UNKNOWN

Never met one, so my aunties can’t say whether we’d get along.

I have lived with other small animals before, but that doesn’t count as a reference from a cat.

🌳 I NEED A GARDEN

Since moving to the flat without a garden, I’ve started having toileting accidents.

This isn’t me launching a dirty protest against the landlord. The change just hasn’t worked for me, and I need a home with a garden and patient humans while I settle.

Although, if I COULD write a complaint, it would be strongly worded and probably delivered on the carpet.

🚪 VISITORS — PLEASE STOP

I don’t want a house where the doorbell goes every seven minutes and everyone’s shouting, “OOOH, WHO’S THIS THEN?”

It’s me, Lindt. I LIVE HERE. Who the f**k are YOU? 😭

Lots of visitors overwhelm me. I prefer a quieter home with my own people, where I can relax without someone’s auntie arriving for her third cup of tea.

Love children. Don’t need the entire school round for a buffet.

🩷 MY WISH LIST

👑 Only dog.
🌳 A garden.
🏡 A quieter household with fewer visitors.
👧 Children very welcome.
🐱 Cats unknown.

🚨 Finding my new home is urgent. If you can offer what I need, please contact Paws of Hope as soon as possible. If you can’t, please share — my future royal staff might be on your friends list.

Love, Lindt 🍫👑

Apparently “a garden and no other dogs” is a rehoming requirement, but “drawbridge and a moat” is taking the p**s. 🩵🩷💚

X######

If you can help with Queen Lindt and have a new castle for her please complete the application below

https://forms.gle/q3yncH4Qxhx1Y3PX6

📍Currently in Southeast Scotland

09/10/2026

🩵🩷💚 CARAMAC NEEDS A CASTLE 💚🩷🩵

Hello peasants. I’m Caramac, I’m 4 years old, spayed, and currently accepting applications for staff to run my new kingdom.

There are a few terms and conditions. Naturally. 💅

🩵 DOGS

On the lead, I can be a bit of a madam. Some dogs get a polite pass. Others get a strongly worded announcement delivered directly from my gob.

Inside my home? No other dogs.

There is ONE queen in this castle, and I’m not holding auditions for a co-monarch. Your entire dog budget will be spent on me. Thank you.

🩷 CHILDREN

I live with children at the moment, but the younger one and I have a bit of a love-hate relationship.

Boisterous behaviour? Not my favourite.
Taking my teddies? Absolutely bloody not.

Those are my emotional support employees. Keep your sticky little mitts off them. 🧸

Older children who respect my space and belongings are much more my cup of tea.

💚 CATS

No thanks. I’m already bringing enough attitude for one household.

🐾 MY SIGNATURE WALK

I have a limp from an old injury when I was a puppy. It’s been fully vet checked, and it doesn’t bother me at all.

It adds character. Some queens have a royal wave. I have a royal swagger. 👑

So, if you have a dog-free, cat-free castle, older children or no children, and understand that the teddies belong to management…

Speak to my Paws of Hope aunties.
Your queen is waiting. 🩷

######x

If anyone can offer Queen Caramac a home please complete the application below

https://forms.gle/q3yncH4Qxhx1Y3PX6

📍Currently in Scotland (close to Edinburgh)

06/10/2026

🩵🩷💚 TOBERONE HERE. FIVE YEARS OLD. FACE OF AN ANGEL. BODY OF A DOORMAN. BALLS STILL ON THE PREMISES. 💚🩷🩵

Mum is struggling and has asked my Paws of Hope aunties to help find me a new home. She loves me, but managing a heavily armed chocolate bar with springs up his arse has become too much. ❤️

Aunt Stacey said, “Tell people about yourself.”

Get a drink. This is an incident report.

💚 DOGS — PLEASE HOLD WHILE WE DETERMINE WHICH PERSONALITY WILL BE ANSWERING.

As a puppy, I loved other dogs. Mum did all the socialisation. I had friends. I had manners. I was practically ready for a f**king LinkedIn account.

Then, at 19 months old, another dog attacked me.

I can only assume my devastating good looks threatened its entire bloodline.

That experience knocked my confidence, and now things are complicated.

Some dogs?
“Alright, pal. Lovely day. Nice weather.”

Other dogs?
“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU WALKING IN MY GENERAL DIRECTION?”

Barking. Pulling. Mum attached to the lead like the last remaining tent peg at a festival in a hurricane.

Do I want to play? Do I want an argument?

Mum doesn’t know, and because I’m essentially a chest freezer with shoulders, she’s frightened to walk me.

I pick up on her nerves, get more worked up and appoint myself her personal bodyguard.

Unfortunately, my security training consists entirely of shouting “YOU FU***NG WANT SOME?” before anyone has actually wanted anything.

I need a confident, patient person who can safely handle my strength and help me feel more secure around dogs.

🩷 KIDS — LOVE MY LITTLE HUMAN.

I’ve lived with my five-year-old sister since she was born, and I’m good with children.

But please understand the dimensions of the vehicle you are welcoming into your home.

I am not a dainty woodland creature.

I am a sofa with a pulse.

My affection may arrive before my brakes do.

🩵 CATS — I LIVE WITH ONE. WE HAVE AN ARRANGEMENT.

Sometimes we’re mates.

Sometimes I chase them because I think we’ve entered the recreational portion of the evening.

The cat may have an entirely different interpretation.

A nervous cat would probably find me a bit much. My aunties say the cat would safe places where to can get away whilst we get used to each other.

Apparently “COME BACK, YOU FLUFFY BASTARD, I’M TRYING TO BE YOUR FRIEND” isn’t universally reassuring.

💚 GARDEN — HOUSTON, WE HAVE A BULLDOG.

Our garden is small.
My need to inspect every f**ker passing the fence is not.

Footsteps?
BOING.

Carrier bag?
BOING.

Neighbour trying to enjoy their miserable little walk in peace?

BOING. HELLO, WHAT’S YOUR POSTCODE?

I jump up to see who’s there like a curtain-twitching pensioner possessed by a kangaroo.

Mum worries I’ll clear the fence one day, so I’m kept on a long lead when I’m out there.

One minute you’re putting the bins out. The next, a muscular Toblerone is appearing above the fence demanding to see your f**king credentials.

Do not underestimate the launch capabilities of a chunky bastard with a busy schedule.

🩷 THE BIT WHERE I STOP TALKING SH*TE FOR A MINUTE.

I had a frightening experience, and I need someone who understands that my confidence needs rebuilding.

Mum has reached out because she loves me and needs help. My aunties are looking for someone with patience, time and the ability to manage me safely.

I’m handsome. I’m strong. I love my little sister. And I come with a neighbourhood-watch service nobody ordered.

Aunt Stacey says we’re looking for a suitable home, not simply awarding me to whoever comments “I LOVE A CHONKY BOY” and owns a flimsy fence.

READ THE WHOLE FU***NG ADVERT, SUSAN. I HAVE ALTITUDE (and attitude). 🩵🩷💚

🩷💚🩵

Toberone desperately needs a home that understands he's not a bad boy he's just nervous around other dogs and needs a confident handler to show him confidence

If you could be up for the challenge - complete the application below

https://forms.gle/q3yncH4Qxhx1Y3PX6

More info available from Stacey Mechbal

06/10/2026

💚🩷🩵 REVELS NEEDS A HOME 🩵🩷💚

Revels here. Three years old. Balls intact. Moral compass shoved inside a stolen sock.

Aunt Stacey said to tell you what I bring to a home.

Mainly your washing into the garden, but apparently she meant my personality. 🤣

🩵 DOGS

Love them.

Never lived with one, but I’m a sociable boy and could happily have a doggy companion.

Ideally another delinquent. You knock something off the kitchen counter, I’ll collect it. We’ll split the profits and blame the kids.

🩷 KIDS

Good with them. However, I’m a bulldog wrecking ball who thinks he’s a hamster in an exercise ball.

All enthusiasm. F**k-all steering.

I’ll spot something exciting and launch my entire body towards it without consulting the people currently using that bit of floor.

Your wee one’s building a lovely tower?

Fantastic. I’m the bulldozer.

💚 CATS

Never met one.

No idea whether we’d be pals, so please don’t book me into a feline flatshare based on my winning personality and outstanding references from the sock drawer.

🩵 MY CRIMINAL RECORD

I steal bras.
I steal knickers.
I steal clean washing.
I steal tea towels.

You drop it on the kitchen floor and I’m there before you’ve finished saying “oh, for f**k’s sake”.

Finders keepers, you clumsy bastard.

“REVELS, DROP IT!”

Interesting opening offer. Rejected.

“THAT’S MY GOOD TEA TOWEL!”

Then why was it unattended in a property occupied by a known criminal?

You’ll be halfway through getting dressed when you discover I’ve seized your last clean sock. Now you’re late for work, wearing one sock and trying to negotiate with a naked little gangster who doesn’t even pay council tax.

I’ve got nowhere to be, sweetheart. I can drag this s**t out all morning.

The washing machine says a forty-minute cycle. Add another hour for recovering the evidence from me.

So, who wants a sociable, child-friendly demolition unit running about with your underwear?

You provide the love, food and secure laundry storage.

I’ll provide the reason you’re standing in the garden at 7am shouting “GIVE ME MY FU***NG KNICKERS” while the neighbours pretend not to listen.

🩵🩷💚

Anyone for an underwear thief 🤣 don't worry Revels only steals your clean underwear he's not interested in your dirty un**es the boy has standards.

📍currently serving his time for theft in a prison somewhere off the west coast of Scotland - looking for a new house and identity of his release

If you can help revel please complete the application below

https://forms.gle/q3yncH4Qxhx1Y3PX6

More info available from Stacey Mechbal

05/10/2026

🩵🩷💚 PAWS OF HOPE & DOGGY DINNERS EATING CHALLENGE 💚🩷🩵

I’M NOT A CELEBRITY… WHY THE F**K IS THERE A BO***CK ON MY PLATE? 🤣

Forget the jungle. We’ve got Doggy Dinners, two willing victims and Tracey hosting an evening that will almost certainly end with someone dry-heaving into a bin.

Meet your contestants: Lucy (co-owner of Doggy Dinners) and JoJo, our wonderful volunteer.
No celebrities. No luxury camp. Just two women who apparently agreed to this before asking enough questions. 💀

We’re talking:

🥜 Bull’s testicles.
🦤 Ostrich meat.
🐟 Sprats.
🫀 Chicken hearts.
🍆 Pizzles — for anyone who doesn't know a pizzle is a p***s 🤣.

And then there’s Lucy.

Lucy doesn’t eat meat.
Lucy doesn’t like men.

Naturally, we’re asking her to put a bull’s bo***ck in her mouth and a lamb's puzzle.

Picture the scene: Lucy negotiating with a testicle, JoJo wondering whether she can resign from her volunteer position and ride off into the sunset with Dobby never to be seen again, and Tracey howling with laughter while providing the emotional support of a f**king teaspoon.

“I CAN’T SWALLOW IT!”

Well, Lucy, nobody said charity work was glamorous. 🤣

JoJo, don’t think Lucy’s dietary crisis means you’re getting an easy ride. We’ve got enough disgusting ideas to ruin both your evenings.

💸 THE MORE YOU DONATE, THE MORE FERAL WE GET.

We’ve been told nothing in the Doggy Dinners shop is off the menu.

An astonishing thing to say to people with our imagination and absolutely f**k-all supervision. 👀

Join us LIVE ON FACEBOOK Friday 30 October over on the Doggy Dinners page.

Bring your friends. Bring your donations. Bring someone who can explain to the neighbours why you’re screaming, “JUST CHEW THE BALLS LUCY!” at your phone.

Every penny donated goes to Paws of Hope Bulldog Rescue, helping dogs who desperately need us. 🩵🩷💚

So dig deep.

The dogs need rescuing.
Lucy needs a bucket.
JoJo needs an escape route.
Tracey needs to stop laughing long enough to read the donations.

Friday night telly can get f**ked. We’ve got Lucy versus a testicle. 🤣

Donate generously. Apparently dignity doesn’t pay vet bills. 🤣

🎃 TRICK OR TREAT… DINNER FOR 2! 👻

Things are about to get a little batty at Doggy Dinners… 🦇😂

On Friday 30th October at 9pm, Lucy and JoJo from Paws of Hope Bulldog Rescue are going LIVE for our very own I’m A Celeb-style eating challenge.

Expect mystery “treats”, gruesome bites, donation targets and a whole lot of boo-hooing when they see what’s on the menu. 😈

And here’s the wicked bit… YOU are in control.
The more you donate, the more horrifying dinner gets. 👀

Every penny raised goes to Paws of Hope Bulldog Rescue ❤️

🍷 Grab a drink
🛋️ Get comfy
💰 Have your donations ready

Because this Halloween… the screams won’t be coming from the ghosts. 😂

Friday 30th October | 9pm | LIVE on Facebook

05/10/2026

🚨 KENT — WE HAVE A SITUATION 🚨

Does your dog currently have nails long enough to:

🔪 open parcels
🔪 pick locks
🔪 climb the curtains
🔪 tap dance across the laminate at 3am
🔪 perform minor surgery

Then GET THE LITTLE FERAL BASTARD DOWN TO DOGGY DINNERS THIS SUNDAY 11TH OCTOBER. 😂

Doggy Dinners are hosting a NAIL TRIM SALON and, because they're bloody lovely, ALL THE PROCEEDS ARE BEING DONATED TO PAWS OF HOPE BULLDOG RESCUE 🩵🩷💚

And before anyone asks...

YES — ALL BREEDS ARE WELCOME.

Bulldogs ✅
Frenchies ✅
Staffies ✅
Spaniels ✅
Chihuahuas possessed by Satan himself ✅
Some questionable crossbreed you were told would be 8kg fully grown that's now the size of a Shetland pony ✅

Bring them.

Hayley has clippers and apparently no fear.

⚠️ IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT ⚠️

Please do NOT bring your toddlers for a manicure.

Hayley is there to trim DOG NAILS.

We appreciate your 3-year-old may also scream, bite, kick and require three adults to restrain them...

BUT THAT'S NOT HER DEPARTMENT. 😭🤣

Once your precious little psychopath has had their talons removed, you can then take them into the DOGGY DINNERS TREAT ROOM and allow them to commit daylight robbery.

Sprats?
Fish skins?
Dried prawns?
Some hairy animal body part that you absolutely do not want to identify?

FILL YOUR BOOTS, FRANK.

Obviously when we say rob the treat room, we mean YOU need to pay.

Your dog doesn't need to know that.

As far as they're concerned they've successfully pulled off the Kent Treat Heist of 2026. 🚔

So get yourselves down there:

✂️ TALONS CHOPPED
🐾 FERALS WELCOME
🛍️ TREAT ROOM ROBBERY
💰 MONEY RAISED FOR PAWS OF HOPE
🚫 ABSOLUTELY NO TODDLER PEDICURES

SUNDAY 11TH OCTOBER — DOGGY DINNERS

Come get your dog's Freddy Krueger feet sorted while helping our rescue dogs. 🩵🩷💚

And if your dog screams like they're being murdered despite Hayley removing approximately 0.0003mm of nail...

Don't worry.

They're among friends. 🤣

🐾 A little nail care for your dog, a helping hand for rescue bulldogs! 💛

Our charity nail clip salon is coming to Doggy Dinners this Sunday!

📅 Sunday 11th October
⏰ 10am–1pm
📍 Doggy Dinners, Hartnup Street, Maidstone, ME16 8LR
🐶 £5 per dog — every penny goes to Paws of Hope Bulldog Rescue

Qualified and experienced groomer Hayley Luxton will be clipping nails and offering friendly advice on nail care and all things grooming. It’s a lovely opportunity to ask questions and pick up tips to help keep your dog comfortable and looking their best.

Join us and help raise funds for bulldogs in need. Please share to help spread the word! 🐾

05/10/2026

🩷💚🩵 A LITTLE PoH LOVE LETTER… APPARENTLY WE’RE INFLUENTIAL NOW 🩵💚🩷

We just wanted to take a moment to say a massive thank you to everyone who seems to be enjoying the PoH way of doing things lately. 🥹😂

Honestly, our little hearts are bursting.

When we started calling ourselves the PoH Aunties, we genuinely didn't realise it would become such a popular concept... And tbf it was happening way before then too

When we started letting the dogs write their own adverts, we thought people might think we'd finally lost the plot.

When we started describing them like the completely unhinged little bastards they actually are rather than giving them a standard “friendly, loving and enjoys walks” biography…

Well.

Apparently someone was paying attention. 👀😂

And now we're seeing a few familiar little touches popping up elsewhere and honestly…

WE COULDN'T BE PROUDER.🥹🙌

Because imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, isn't it?

And we're absolutely delighted that the PoH brand of feral humour, dog personalities and Auntie-based nonsense is apparently bringing a little more fun into rescue.

We'd hate for anyone to think we're territorial about it.

PLEASE. COPY AWAY.😂

Use the Aunties.
Give the dogs voices.
Make them ridiculous.
Tell people they're a threenager with the emotional regulation of a potato.
Let them expose themselves publicly in their own adoption adverts.

We have plenty of chaos to go around. 😂

Although we should probably apologise in advance…

Because once you've discovered that rescue posts don't actually have to sound like a council planning application, there's no going back.🤣

And to those who have spent an impressive amount of time telling everyone how we're doing things wrong, how we're not this, we're not that, and generally keeping a surprisingly close eye on us…

Thank you for the engagement.😂

We genuinely had no idea we were taking up so much room in your heads.

Please continue.

Apparently it's good for the algorithm. 😘

Anyway…

We're off to carry on being the feral, ridiculous, emotionally attached Aunties we've always been.

No registration status required for a personality, thankfully.😉

Lots of love,
The PoH Aunties
🩷 💚🩵

P.S. If you recognise yourself anywhere in this post, that's entirely coincidental. OBVS😇😂

AND WHILE WE'RE HERE… 👀😂

Since apparently we're having a little moment of influence…

WE'D ALSO LIKE TO CLARIFY THAT WE'RE NOT REALLY INTO CONTROLLED BEHAVIOUR.

😂😂😂

We are, in fact, entirely into the dogs.

The dogs are the point.
The dogs are the priority.
The dogs are the reason we're here.

We're not interested in being the biggest, fanciest, most important or most “look at us, we're very official” organisation in the room.

We're interested in getting dogs safe, getting them what they need and getting them into bloody good homes.

That's it.

So if you've been sitting there thinking:

“Ooooh, I'd quite like to help some dogs but I'm not sure which rescue to volunteer for…”

VOLUNTEER FOR PoH . 🩷💚🩵

Or don't 🤷🏻‍♀️

Volunteer for another rescue.

Volunteer for several.

Go wherever your time, skills and patience are best used.

WE DON'T CARE. 😂

Seriously.

If you're helping dogs, you're on the right bloody team.

But whichever organisation you choose to volunteer with, here's a tiny reminder from your friendly neighbourhood feral Aunties:

CONFIDENTIALITY ISN'T OPTIONAL. 👀

If you've been trusted with adopter information, surrender details, addresses, telephone numbers, home-check information, vet information, private messages or anything else that was given to you in confidence…

KEEP YOUR GOB SHUT.🤐😂

🩷 Don't screenshot it for your mates.

💚 Don't forward it because “you'll never believe this…”

🩵 Don't wander into another rescue's inbox with somebody else's business.

🩷 Don't turn confidential information into group-chat entertainment.

💚 And definitely don't confuse “I'm a volunteer” with “I'm now legally entitled to everyone's personal information.” 😂

🩵 GDPR exists, babes.

The dogs may be feral.

The Aunties may have absolutely no adult supervision.

Our Facebook posts may occasionally require a responsible adult.

The handling of people's personal information does not. 😂

So go forth.

Help dogs.

Help whichever rescue you believe in.

Support people doing good things.

Borrow our sense of humour if you fancy it. 😉

Just remember:

THE DOGS ARE THE POINT.

Not egos.
Not turf wars.
Not rescue politics.
Not who has the biggest following.

THE. BLOODY. DOGS.

Now carry on.

We've got dogs to save and apparently a whole rescue movement to accidentally influence. 😂

You're welcome.💅🏼

🩷 💚🩵 THE PoH AUNTIES 🩵💚🩷

03/10/2026

🚨🚨 RIGHT. LISTEN UP, PEOPLE. WE HAVE A SITUATION. 🚨🚨

So apparently me deciding to let the dogs write their own rehoming adverts was a ✨FANTASTIC FU***NG IDEA✨.

The posts have gone viral.

GOOD NEWS: The dogs are getting seen by thousands of people. 🥹🐶

BAD NEWS: Our home-check volunteers are currently working harder than a North Pole elf on f**king amphetamines and WE ARE STILL DROWNING. 😭🤣

Every time we clear some applications…

PING.

More arrive.

Clear those.

PING PING PING.

MORE APPLICATIONS.

At this point I'm convinced people are breeding applications in the night.

Our home-check team are surviving entirely on caffeine, rage and the occasional “STACEY STOP FU***NG POSTING DOGS.”

Naturally, I have not stopped posting dogs.

✨ BECAUSE I HAVE LEARNED NOTHING. ✨

So before the volunteers collectively hunt me down, confiscate my phone and launch it directly into the Clyde…

🆘 WE NEED HOME CHECKERS 🆘

🏠 In person in your local area
📱 Virtually by video call
🫠 Mentally stable — optional because none of us f**king are anymore.

Even if you can only do ONE OR TWO A WEEK, WE WANT YOU.

Honestly.
One.
Two.

We're not asking you to sign your firstborn over to the rescue.

Just help us get through the absolute mountain of applications before someone finds me rocking underneath my desk whispering “what's the first half of your postcode?”

👇 IF YOU CAN HELP, COMMENT BELOW WITH THE START OF YOUR POSTCODE.

G67 / FK1 / E4 / OL2 etc.

DO NOT POST YOUR ENTIRE ADDRESS.

We need volunteers, not a f**king GDPR incident. 😭🤣

Behind the scenes currently looks something like:

Dogs coming in.
Dogs going out.
Home checks.
Assessments.
Foster updates.
Road trains.
Vet appointments.
Applications.
WhatsApps.
Messenger.
Telephone calls.

Someone asking “can you bring the dog to me because I don't drive?”

Someone else asking “will you hold him until Christmas?”

Meanwhile…

ME: “Guys I've written another rehoming advert and this one is FU***NG HILARIOUS 🤣”

THE HOME CHECK TEAM:
🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️

“WE WILL END YOU.”

So please.

COME JOIN US.

We're actually a lovely bunch.

Slightly unhinged.
Chronically overworked.
Our group chats should probably be entered into evidence at some point.

But lovely nonetheless. 🥰🤣

And if nobody volunteers soon, I have been informed that I am next up for rehoming.

Apparently my advert will read:

🚨 STACEY NEEDS AN URGENT FOSTER-TO-ADOPT HOME 🚨

🩷 30-something
💚 Not spayed
🩵 Questionable recall
🩷 Highly food motivated
💚 Cannot be trusted unsupervised with Facebook
🩵 Reactive when told to stop writing feral rehoming adverts
💚 Absolutely F**K ALL concept of workload
🩷 Would benefit from a quiet home with limited Wi-Fi access
🩵 NO ACCESS TO META UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES

Experienced home only.

No returns.

Actually, don't even home check them.

JUST FU***NG TAKE HER. 😭🤣

🩵🩷💚 PAWS OF HOPE BULLDOG RESCUE 💚🩷🩵

03/10/2026

🚨🚨 DALTON HAS HIJACKED THE POH PAGE 🚨🚨
Right.

Apparently PoH Aunty Emma has been giving me a BAD WRITE-UP.

So I've taken matters into my own paws because frankly, I feel my reputation has been damaged and I would like the opportunity to present THE Truth 💯

Firstly…

🍆 YES, I GET A BIT HUMPY.

BUT I HAVE AN EXPLANATION.

I LIKE BIG BLACK DOGS... There. I said it.

I've been around Frenchies and, sorry lads, but you're just not doing it for me.

I like a BIG MAN. 🤷‍♀️😂

The resident boy has told me repeatedly that he's NOT INTERESTED and, yes, I do listen.

For approximately 47 seconds.

Then my brain goes: “What if he changed his mind?” And off I go again.

Look, I'm 6.

I'm not spayed.

I've got hormones.

I've got needs.

And apparently I've got NO SHAME. 😂

BUT before anyone starts planning my wedding…

🚨 ANY POTENTIAL BOYFRIENDS MUST HAVE BEEN SNIPPED. 🚨

I've done my bit.

No more babies for me, thank you very much.

In fact, I'm perfectly happy being a SOLO QUEEN, so a boyfriend is absolutely NOT required.

🚽 NOW THE TOILET SITUATION…

PoH Aunty has been making me sound like I've suddenly forgotten what a toilet is.

RUDE.

I WAS HOUSE TRAINED.

I've moved homes, I'm unsettled and, if I'm completely honest, I'm also being a TINY BIT LAZY AND A TINY BIT PROTESTY. 🫣

If you catch me quickly enough, I WILL GO OUTSIDE.

So I'm not broken.

I just need someone to get me back into a proper routine.

Preferably someone who is home a LOT because, quite frankly, that makes everyone's life easier.

You remind me to go outside.

I go outside.

You praise me.

I don't s**t in your house.

You don't have to clean up after me.

WIN-WIN.

🏡 WHO AM I LOOKING FOR?

Someone who is home most of the time.

Work from home? PERFECT.

Retired? EVEN BETTER.

Homebody? NOW WE'RE TALKING.

Because I need someone who can help me get back into a routine and stop me from treating your flooring like a public convenience.

And I'd really like to move ASAP, because bouncing around homes isn't going to help me settle.

👧🏼👦🏻 CHILDREN?

YES.

ALL AGES.

I'm great with kids.

Little ones.... Big ones... Middle-sized ones.

Basically, if you've got children, I'm here for the attention.

BUT…

There is one small issue.

I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA HOW BIG I AM. 😂

I am not a delicate little lap dog.

I am a BULLDOG SACK OF POTATOES with the turning circle of a 🚐 .

If I love you, I WILL launch myself at you.

If I want fuss, I WILL make myself available.

If you're sitting down, congratulations — you're now my furniture.

So children need to be sensible around me because I genuinely don't understand that I am a solid lump of bulldog and not a tiny handbag accessory. 😂

❤️ WHAT DO I ACTUALLY WANT?

FUSS.

ATTENTION.

LOVE.

A bit of play.

A nice comfy place to sleep.

Someone who will give me a bit of structure.

And preferably snacks.

LOTS OF SNACKS.

Although let's be realistic about the playing…

I'm a Bulldog.

I have a figure like a sack of potatoes that's been dropped down the stairs and I intend to preserve it.

A long walk followed by an energetic game?

Absolutely f**king not.

A bit of pottering about, some play, a cuddle and then horizontal recovery?

YES PLEASE.

I don't need someone out all day.

I need MY PERSON.

Someone home enough to help me get my toileting back on track, give me attention, keep me occupied and understand that I'm currently a slightly hormonal, slightly lazy, slightly chaotic 6-year-old Bulldog who has decided life is about BIG BLACK DOGS, BUMS AND BU****IT. 😂

So there.

THAT is my side of the story.

PoH Aunty can now stop spreading propaganda.

I am delightful.

I am beautiful.

I am fabulous.

I am absolutely NOT a problem.

I'm just…

A LOT OF WOMAN. 😂

And I need a home that can handle all of me.

Love,

💋 DALTON 💋

6 years old
🍆 Unspayed
👧🏼👦🏻 Great with children of all ages
🐶 Can live as a solo dog
🖤 Has a weakness for big black dogs
🚽 House trained but currently needs a reset
🏡 Needs someone home a lot
🥔 Built like a sack of potatoes
📏 Has absolutely no understanding of her own dimensions
💅🏼 Thinks she's God's gift to the canine population

APPLICATIONS OPEN... And here's some new pics coz I'm gorgeous 🤷🏻‍♀️

Please don't apply because you've fallen for my face.

Apply because you've read all of this and thought:

“Yep. She's exactly the level of f**king ridiculous I'm looking for.” 😂🐾

📍 I'm in the Midlands... So easy reach for everyone 😉 some travel may be required by yourselves.