20/05/2026
This is what 'co-parenting' looks like with an abuser.
A survivors experience:
After years of legal proceedings, I finally had court orders put in place. They set out clear arrangements, including that I collect our child from my ex-husband on Saturday morning.
Knowing I would have family visiting me and our child that Saturday, he messaged me the night before:
"There's an event on tomorrow. I will take our child there and drop him to you later."
There was no question or discussion. Just a decision, made by him.
I replied that I’d be at his house at the arranged time to collect our son.
The response came back:
"There is no discussion. This is what will happen."
So I stated plainly that if our child was not there for collection at the arranged time, it would be noted as a breach of the court order.
His reply:
"Note it down with capital letters.”
This is how abuse continues after separation. Through small, deliberate acts of sabotage. Through decisions imposed and framed as final, and through boundaries dismissed as if they never existed.
From the outside, it may look like a simple disagreement about plans. From the inside, it is the same dynamic that ran through the entire relationship: power, dominance, and the unspoken rule that agreements apply to everyone except him.
This is not co-parenting. It is the control that never stopped.
Seek advice and support to help manage situations like this. Document the abuse.
You are not alone.