Parallel Lives Programme

13/09/2026

Your kid is not listening to your advice. He is studying your behaviour.

He is watching how you speak to eachother when you are tired, when you’re arguing. How you react when something breaks. Whether you admit it when you are wrong, or whether you find someone to blame.

You can tell him to be respectful a thousand times. He will copy what you did last Tuesday when you lost it in the kitchen.

That is the part most parents miss. You are not raising a child, you are raising a man, and he is being built out of your ordinary days. Not your speeches. Your reactions.

The good news is it cuts both ways. Patience gets copied. Apologising gets copied. Coming home in a decent mood gets copied.

He is going to become someone, a future partner and a future parent. You are the blueprint whether you meant to be or not.

Be a positive role model to your children. Whether you are together or separated. Ask yourself, do you want your child to grow up and treat their future partner the way you treat each other?

23/08/2026

The term ‘parental alienation’ or ‘alienating behaviour’ is becoming a ‘dirty phrase’. Why? Because it is a term that usually fathers use where there is continued domestic abuse post separation as a way of excusing domestic abuse. Because mothers experiencing abuse and protecting their children are labelled as alienators when they are doing their best to protect the children from continued abuse.

We see many cases where the ‘PA’ phrase is banded about, and only a few limited cases where there is genuine coercive control using the child as a pawn. This is not gendered. Mothers having children taken by fathers, and mothers withholding contact. It is usually used as a form of punishment to the other parent and a way of exerting control. This is a very small amount of the cases that we work with.

PA does exist, but it’s time it was called out for what it actually is, controlling and coercive behaviour, post separation domestic abuse and child psychological abuse. It doesn’t really need a label as such.

The damage that is caused to the children and the rejected parent is horrendous, insidious and life changing.

02/08/2026

Alienating Behaviour/Parental Alienation

We work with many families where there are allegations of PA. Where a parent is bad mouthed and the child is brainwashed in to being scared of or hate the other parent, the impact on the child is devastating.
What about the non resident parent? We see many parents, mothers and fathers, in despair and suicidal. Like a lighthouse, riding out the storm and hoping that the lost children will reach them in the future.

We have supported 3 alienated parents in the last year with a change of residency and 9 shared care orders. We are a tiny service. Think what we could do with more funding and more staff?

There is hope and there are services to help.

16/07/2026

Sharing for a friend. Luke is doing some amazing work. Let’s gets behind him with his new project.

Join us for an information evening at The Stag Pub, Stotfold, Hitchin, on Thursday 6 August 2026 at 8:30pm. We're looking to meet men interested in attending the new For Men To Talk Shed volunteers who want to get involved, and anyone with ideas to help shape this exciting new community project.

See https://fb.me/e/6bCtMfoWi as a Facebook event reminder.

11/07/2026

Because I didn’t report my abuse apparently it’s not admissible in court?

Something we come across quite often in our work. Yes, you need evidence in court. You need evidence to back up your allegations of abuse.

But when you truly understand the power and control within an abusive relationship, you can understand why someone does not report until they are free.

So how does this leave you in family court? When you try to make a Judge understand what you have been victim to, the years of abuse you and your children have suffered, and the courts have no evidence backing this up. No Police reports, no witnesses.

What about when there are counter allegation? The perpetrator uses DARVO and all of a sudden you are presented as a perpetrator within court. You’re presented as crazy person who is out for revenge and alienating them from their children.

This is why our programme is a long programme. We gather the evidence with you. We unpick what is actually happening and we will help you to present this to the Family Court in an evidenced and factual report. We support YOU to report to authorities and work alongside professionals so that they can see the truth, and understand your lived experience.

Just because a victim did not report their abuse to anyone… does not mean they are not a victim of abuse. It does not take away yours and your children’s lived experience as a victim.

There is hope and there is support. Child Focused Courts will help, but they can only unpick what is presented to them, police reports, witnesses, evidence.

We can support you to evidence your lived experience and bring yours and your children’s voice in to the Family Court.

You are not alone. Meet others in similar situations to yourself and gain vital support to begin your journey of recovery.

We are a Team of professionals, with many many years of experience working across many fields of work.

07/07/2026

Need to speak to someone?

If you need support, our specialist team are here to help. You can speak to a member of the team quickly and confidentially through the Live Chat service on our website, or drop us a call or message.

Whether you’re experiencing post separation abuse yourself, you’re worried about someone else, or you’re looking for advice, reaching out could be the first step towards getting the support you deserve.

Visit our website and click the Live Chat icon to connect with our team.

If you or someone else is in immediate danger, always call 999.

Co-parenting support, family mediation and domestic abuse services in Luton. Helping parents and families build safer, healthier relationships.

27/06/2026

This is something we come across when working with survivors after years of psychological abuse:

Dissociation After Narcissistic Abuse: When Your Mind Protects You

One of the least understood effects of narcissistic abuse is dissociation.

Many survivors describe it as:

* “I don’t feel real.”
* “It’s like I’m watching my life instead of living it.”
* “I can’t remember conversations.”
* “I lose track of time.”
* “I feel numb.”
* “I don’t recognize myself anymore.”

These experiences can be frightening, but they are often a trauma response, not a sign that you are “going crazy.”

What is dissociation?

Dissociation is the brain’s way of protecting you when emotional pain becomes too overwhelming.

If your nervous system believes you cannot escape the abuse physically, it may help you escape psychologically.

It is an automatic survival mechanism.

Just as our bodies pull a hand away from a hot stove without conscious thought, the brain sometimes disconnects from overwhelming experiences to reduce emotional suffering.

Why narcissistic abuse causes dissociation:

Unlike a single traumatic event, narcissistic abuse is usually chronic.

Survivors often experience:

* Constant criticism
* Gaslighting
* Walking on eggshells
* Emotional neglect
* Unpredictable rage
* Silent treatment
* Manipulation
* Fear of making mistakes
* Living in a state of hypervigilance

When these experiences continue for months or years, the brain can begin disconnecting from emotions and even reality simply to survive another day.

Common symptoms:

Dissociation can look different for everyone.

Some survivors experience:

* Feeling emotionally numb
* Memory gaps
* Losing time
* Feeling detached from your body
* Feeling like you’re watching yourself from outside
* Difficulty concentrating
* Trouble making decisions
* Feeling disconnected from loved ones
* Feeling as though the world isn’t quite real
* Driving somewhere and not remembering parts of the trip
* Reading the same page repeatedly because your brain cannot process it

Many survivors think these symptoms mean they are weak.

They don’t.

They often mean your nervous system has been under enormous stress for a long time.

Why it happens

When fight or flight isn’t possible, the nervous system may move into freeze.

Freeze often includes dissociation.

The brain decides:

“If I can’t stop the danger…I’ll disconnect from it.”

This strategy may have helped you survive an abusive environment.

The challenge is that the brain sometimes continues using this survival response long after the danger has ended.

Can dissociation heal?

Yes.

With safety, patience, and trauma-informed support, many survivors find that dissociation becomes less frequent and less intense over time.

Healing is rarely about forcing yourself to “snap out of it.”

Instead, it involves helping your nervous system learn that it is finally safe.

Helpful approaches

Recovery often includes:

* Working with a trauma-informed therapist
* Learning grounding techniques
* Regulating the nervous system
* Establishing healthy boundaries
* Building safe, supportive relationships
* Improving sleep and reducing chronic stress
* Gentle mindfulness (only when it feels safe)
* Processing traumatic memories at an appropriate pace

Therapies that may help:

Research and clinical practice suggest that these approaches can be beneficial for trauma-related dissociation when provided by appropriately trained professionals:

* Trauma-focused cognitive behavioural therapy (TF-CBT) to understand trauma responses and develop coping skills.

* EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), which may help some people process traumatic memories once they have developed adequate stability and coping skills.

* Somatic therapies that focus on reconnecting with the body and regulating the nervous system.

* Internal Family Systems (IFS), which some survivors find helpful for understanding protective parts of themselves, including dissociation.

* Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) to build emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and grounding skills.

* Sensorimotor Psychotherapy or other body-based trauma therapies that help address how trauma is held in the body.

The most important factor is not just the therapy itself, but working with a clinician who understands complex trauma and dissociation.

There is hope.

Many survivors worry that they have been permanently damaged.

You have not.

Dissociation is not a character flaw.

It is not weakness.

It is evidence that your brain did exactly what it needed to do to help you survive.

With safety, compassionate support, and time, many people notice they begin to feel more present, more connected, and more like themselves again.

You are not broken.

Your nervous system adapted to survive.

Seeking support is the first step to healing ❤️‍🩹

Find yourself again and live in peace 💕

26/06/2026

A little reminder that we are a free service for all families across Luton, Bedford and Watford. We keeps our costs low as we are a not for profit, and every penny goes towards the families we support.

If you are struggling with separation/ relationship breakdown, need some support around contact with children, thinking of or going through family court, then reach out for some support.

We work holistically with the whole family.

12/06/2026

Post separation abuse not only keeps a victim under the perpetrators control long after separation, but also causes short and long term damage to children, men and women.

We can support to deescalate abuse/conflict and work with whole families to support with domestic abuse, adults and children.

Domestic abuse is NOT ok, whether in a relationship or separated.
Please give us a call, text or email.

31/05/2026

If you recognise this… there is help and support. Please reach out to us, by phone, email, text or via our online chat. Abuse doesn’t stop when you separate. The tactics used change.