16/02/2026
Safety is something a person decides internally.
It doesn’t matter if someone tells us ‘you’re safe’.
People who say that are usually referring to physical safety.
‘Physically you are safe here.’
It’s often not as simple as that.
If we don’t feel safe, we don’t feel safe, and we often don’t mean physically.
The thing we’re missing might be relational safety. It might be sensory safety. Emotional safety. Environmental safety.
We may not be able to explain what exactly is happening in our bodies, or why.
We may not have the words to wrap around our experience.
If our nervous system is heightened, for whatever reason, it can be hard to identify messages from our bodies. It can be even harder to explain that to someone who clearly is not experiencing the same thing as us.
It’s a big ask. We may not be able to.
But you might see clues in our actions, our emotions, our energy, our capacity, our behaviour.
Returning to authentic connection and coregulation in these moments is always a good move, whether you believe we have reasons to feel unsafe or not.
If we don’t feel safe, for whatever reason, it’s not up to you to decide something different.
It’s your job to recognise that our nervous system may be different to your own, and support us in our tricky times. And make sure that support is kind, curious, and empathetic, otherwise you are only pushing that sense of safety further and further away from us.
Yes?
Em 🌈
