For Friends and Family Affected by Another’s Drug or Alcohol Use

26/11/2024

Not badness, mostly sadness...

Truth.
When we realise that we continue to cause harm to ourselves and also others, then we need to make some radical changes. Unhealthy coping mechanisms need to be replaced with healthier ones.

07/11/2024

SMART Family & Friends Meetings
at The Edinburgh Carers Hub, 60 Leith Walk, EH6 5HB

Fortnightly on Wednesdays 2pm - 4pm

November 2024
13th
27th
December 2024
11th
18th (Extra meeting)
January 2025
8th
22nd

Please contact Stuart or Heriot if you require more information on 0131 622 6666 and to book a place. Or email;
[email protected]
[email protected]

06/11/2024

Boundaries and the import of listening to yourself....

✔️✔️✔️ 🙏🖤

29/10/2024

A short reflection on 'helping' and the 'energy' behind your help...

October 20 Nar-Anon Daily SESH Reading
HELPING
Helping is important to me. It was something I was taught to do. I felt I was obligated to help those I love. I became terribly confused about helping before I started attending Nar-Anon. It took time and much introspection to realize that I am supposed to help people in ways that demonstrate my love for them and are not harmful or demanding of something in return. In Nar-Anon, I am learning a new way of helping, a way that I hope will move my loved ones towards courage, independence, a full life, freedom, and joy.
What I used to think of as helping was really interfering or enabling. When I think of helping someone today, first I stop and think:
Why am I helping?
Who am I helping?
Is this really help?
Did they ask for my help?
I also ask myself if the help I am offering is similar to a pair of cement shoes that drags them down and keeps them there, or is my help going to be more like a spring breeze that gently provides a lift to a child’s kite.
In Nar-Anon, I am learning I play a role in the family disease of addiction and I do have options. When I am clear about the part I play, I can stop and look at what I am doing before I act and choose my behavior. I now know that when I feel resentment or I am expecting a change as the result of my helping, then it is enabling so I do not have to do it. I only prolong the addict’s struggle when I meddle.
Thought for Today: Helping others build personal strength and independence is giving someone a helping hand. Helping them avoid the consequences of their actions or doing for them what they can do for themselves, is giving them a permanent crutch.
“We can stand back, without losing our love and compassion for them and ‘Not Do.’ It’s OK, it doesn’t cause a dramatic change, it didn’t change when we ‘Did’ either.”
~ The Nar-Anon Twelve Step Program
Copyright 2007 Nar-Anon Family Group Headquarters

07/10/2024

Having and empathy for someone's feelings vs feeling responsible for someone's feelings:

Aug 26 ~ Nar-Anon Daily SESH Reading
ENABLING
At my Nar-Anon meeting, there was a discussion on enabling. One member asked, “How can I give food, clothing, money, and shelter to a perfect stranger and not help my addicted love one? It is not right if I give to strangers and not to my family. If I love the addict, who is suffering from a disease, why deny him the basics?” Another member stated, “I think giving money, food, shelter, or clothing to the addict in my life is helping to dig his grave. I am not allowing him to experience the consequences of his actions. I am contributing to the prevention of his hitting bottom and seeking recovery.”
Do I love unconditionally when I enable the addict’s using? Am I standing in the way of natural consequences of addictive behavior? Am I acting to eliminate my own fear and guilt? Am I acting to make myself feel better or needed? To release with love does not mean to deny the addict, but to allow free choice to the addict. When I am enabling, I am not allowing the addict to find the dignity and the self-esteem that come from taking responsibility and solving problems.
Thought for Today: I have choices. First, I can consider my motives, and then the consequences of my actions. Once a choice has been made, such as setting limits on my giving or protecting my safety, I try to be consistent. With the help of my Higher Power, I make decisions. I remind myself that things change, even though I may not see it.
"If I stay in the problem, I am not working on the solutions."
~ Anonymous
Copyright © 2007 by Nar-Anon Family Group Headquarters

30/09/2024

Shine a light on their beauty when you see it...

🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

11/09/2024

Hoping you dont accept what doesnt belong to you...

Giving it back ♥️💪🏻

05/09/2024

Stumbled on this quote by Chris Hedges. Seems pretty relevant for family members affected by another's substance use....

04/09/2024

The importance of positive communication...

26/08/2024

Firstly for you, but also for the person with a SU problem...

19/08/2024

Organised by our friends Rainbow Recovery - Family & Friends Support Service. For anyone who has loved and lost a family or friend to substance use.

06/08/2024

You hold the power for your boundaries...