18/01/2023
🐓🦆Incredibly poignant words from Pigeon. Thank you for sharing your story 🦆🐓
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My names pigeon (like the bird), I’d worked at Gorgie as a volunteer for nearly two years and it honestly helped me in that time more than nearly 10 years of mental health treatment. I’m autistic and due to my disability there’s a lot of things I can’t do, or I’m not given the opportunity to do. I can’t manage a full time job because of my autism and the places where I would want to try, often don’t have support or accessibilities I’d need to be comfortable.
I got offered a place when my support worker contacted the farm and explained my situation and background, and when I did start I was able to talk to my supervisors about myself, triggers and other things they should know. One of the main things I was most excited about was being able to work with birds! As stated before I’m autistic, and birds are my special interest. I think they’re wonderful, intelligent and beautiful creatures, being able to get up close to care for them was a dream come true. At the farm I quickly became known as the bird person, although I still love all animals.
When I’m with animals, especially birds, I don’t feel like I need to mask my autism or pretend to act more neurotypical. They don’t care if I flap my hands or talk too much, They’re also very obvious in how they’re feeling, I don’t have to focus and overthink what their tone meant. I can just be myself completely around them, and it’s mentally so freeing and euphoric.
I’ve really really struggled with my mental health, especially in this past year. Throughout everything in my life falling apart, I could still take a short bus up to the farm to escape from it. Now that that’s being taken away? It’s soul destroying.
Being there and working with animals, my birds. It was my routine every week, without my routine even more feels like it’s falling apart. I’m not going to be able to see my birds anymore, they won’t understand why I don’t visit them to play with them. It’s breaking my heart, as silly or over dramatic as some may think, I feel like I’m grieving.
Today I had to say goodbye to them all, I sat in the chicken pen and all my hens came over to sit with me, even our cockerel Purr, who’s known for being very very feisty and aggressive. I sat down and just burst into tears, and amazingly? Purr just sat down next to me, he didn’t peck or kick like he usually does to everyone. He just sat with me whilst I cried. Birds aren’t stupid animals, I just know he could sense my upset and he was just there for me. It was far more comforting than any human telling me to do my calming exercises and to steady my breathing.
I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do now. With some devastating events recently in my life, I feel like my last lifeline of this farm was swiped off me. It’s not only me that’s going to lose such an important part of my life, the friends I’ve made here, the people who rely on our services? The farm is far much more than just an attraction inside Edinburgh, it’s a safe space for every kind of person, mo matter your race, disability , gay, trans, anybody. We need this farm, more people need to understand just how important it is to all of us.
Kind regards
Pigeon x
