Definitely Welsh Energy Cymru

Definitely Welsh Energy Cymru We're on a mission to make everything work for Wales. Green, clean and anything in between: We are Definitely Welsh.

We're building a bigger, better, more metallic Wales for future generations πŸ‘οΈ Meet Dyfan: a boy we met wandering, alone...
01/12/2025

We're building a bigger, better, more metallic Wales for future generations πŸ‘οΈ

Meet Dyfan: a boy we met wandering, alone, in a desolate wasteland in Powys. Dyfan has never eaten a pineapple, played Grand Theft Auto or obtained any seed capital from a Danish investment partnership. πŸ‡©πŸ‡° The boy was living a downtrodden existence.

With our help, Dyfan will grow up in a new hi-rise and high-tech home near Liverpool. 🏠️ He'll be taught how to rewire pylons when they inevitably fall down and how to tell families that their feelings and heritage don't matter anyway. All the while, he'll turn his back on his language, his family and give them that dead-eyed smile when he's questioned. 😍

Dyfan is the future. Dyfan is everyone's son, grandson, nephew, little brother. He's Wales. And there's nothing you can do to stop progress. πŸ’š Croeso i'r dyfodol.

Constantly talking about the next generation when all we're thinking about is our next juicy dividend? That's Definitely Welsh 🏴󠁧󠁒󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

🚨 PUBLIC INFORMATION ALERT 🚨 We are delighted to inform you that, contrary to vicious rumours, only three of our pylons ...
27/11/2025

🚨 PUBLIC INFORMATION ALERT 🚨 We are delighted to inform you that, contrary to vicious rumours, only three of our pylons have fallen over near Brechfa πŸ‘οΈ

We are pleased to report that many of our towering giants of steel that were built by the lowest bidder have withstood the recent stormy weather β›ˆοΈ

We're obsessed with climate change and we talk about it all the time, which is why we haven't mentioned that our pylons aren't in any way prone to collapse in the types of extreme weather events that will become more common in the coming decade. πŸ‘Š

As for the hundreds of tonnes of metal that has already fallen from the sky, well, we're donating it to a kindly charity who makes weaponry to send to overseas conflict zones. We call it a circular economy. ♻️ It feels good to give back πŸ˜ƒ

Gaslighting communities of the dangers of overhead power transmission? That's Definitely Welsh 🏴󠁧󠁒󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

As we've so many planning applications going into the Welsh planning authorities, we thought: why not make their life a ...
24/11/2025

As we've so many planning applications going into the Welsh planning authorities, we thought: why not make their life a bit easier? 🀩 Introducing: The Definitely Welsh Energy Planning Outcome Spinnerβ„’! πŸ’ͺ

We've so much experience putting in half-baked planning applications, we thought: why not just help the process along to speed through even more new metal landmarks across the Welsh countryside?! 🏴󠁧󠁒󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 And what's brilliant is that the Definitely Welsh Energy Planning Outcome Spinnerβ„’ leaves everything to chance and not to the greedy, grasping corporate nonsense we have at the moment: it's win-win! πŸ₯³

Fortunately, our lobbyists have managed to get us a meeting with the planning authorities today, so we can give them our new invention (along with a bag of other assorted 'gifts' that they Definitely won't declare)! πŸ’°οΈ Wonder how many times community groups get to talk to these folks? Don't ask don't tell, eh, lads? πŸ‘Š

Influencing an apparently independent planning process so we get favourable treatment despite our applications being demonstrably full of holes? Wrth gwrs, that's Definitely Welsh 🏴󠁧󠁒󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

As part of our commitment to youth education, we're proud to launch the Definitely Welsh Energy Kids Re-Education Pack! ...
20/11/2025

As part of our commitment to youth education, we're proud to launch the Definitely Welsh Energy Kids Re-Education Pack! πŸ‘Š

Do you work at a nursery or primary school that's low on cash? πŸ€‘ Do you work with young people who just question things too much? 🧨 Or perhaps you just want to put your feet up during class and give them some mindless drivel to read while you daydream about your hard-earned pension that our director in Edinburgh spaffed on a Porsche? πŸŽ‡

Have we got good news for you?! Our Education Outreach team has designed a whole range of resources to help transform the hearts and minds of our young people! πŸ‘οΈ From the 'why your mummy and daddy have to leave their homes' times tables to the practical 'build a pylon that's taller than you and then push it over onto a village' game 🧠 These resources make learning about green energy FUN! πŸ‡©πŸ‡°

Of course, none of this is fact checked or assessed by anyone with any real qualifications to work in a school, but who cares: the AI is coming! 🀩

Exploiting the economic insecurity of schools to poison the minds of the young? That's Definitely Welsh 🏴󠁧󠁒󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

We know that Public Consultations are hard work. πŸ’ͺ And here at Definitely Welsh Energy, we want to help other, like mind...
17/11/2025

We know that Public Consultations are hard work. πŸ’ͺ And here at Definitely Welsh Energy, we want to help other, like minded, energy companies find their way in this increasingly crowded market 🀩 That's why we have put together our Public Consultation Best Practice Guide! 🧠

Our Public Consultation events are built on industry-leading practices, from making visitors give us their contact details upon entry so we can spam them with calls and messages later on to ensuring we firmly cover our ears when receiving any feedback to maintain plausible deniability later, we are the Gold Standard πŸ₯‡

So, whether you're building a wind farm on ancient woodland or you just want to put a load of pylons across vast swathes of unspoilt mountain, we're here to support you get the most out of your P***c Consultation events. πŸ‘Š

Leading the way so other unscrupulous toadies can stake their claim for a piece of the green energy pie? That's Definitely Welsh 🏴󠁧󠁒󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

14/11/2025

Our new TV advertising campaign is here! πŸ“ΊοΈ Energizing Wales and leading the Green Revolution! πŸ’ͺ Barod?! 🏴󠁧󠁒󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

🚨🚨 An important announcement from Your Favourite Welsh Energy Company 🚨🚨In response to the recent media interest in lega...
13/11/2025

🚨🚨 An important announcement from Your Favourite Welsh Energy Company 🚨🚨

In response to the recent media interest in legal action taken against Welsh energy companies, we wanted to reassure our loyal followers that we hear you πŸ‘‚οΈ We totally understand that some people have questions like β€œWhy is there a turbine base in my garden?” and β€œWho gave you permission to move the sheep shed?” πŸ‘

That’s why our very own Sioni Bob Ochr, Head of Legal Affairs and Accidental Excavations, has issued an official statement explaining everything in that glib way we so love. πŸ’š

Our site team remains committed to restoring any affected property, relocating any startled animals, and possibly reassembling any fences that were β€œtemporarily streamlined for efficiency.” πŸ₯³

We’d also like to reassure everyone that all of our planning documents have now been found (they were under all the cheques we need to send to political parties (Hi, Nerys! πŸ‘‹)), and we’re working hard to ensure future projects involve fewer mix-ups. Because together, we can create this green revolution πŸ’š

Making statements about legal issues when other companies have gone suspiciously quiet? That's Definitely Welsh 🏴󠁧󠁒󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

Good news! We've been sending out so much threatening mail to people impacted by our projects, that we've decided to dev...
10/11/2025

Good news! We've been sending out so much threatening mail to people impacted by our projects, that we've decided to develop our own postal service: FedUp Mail! πŸ“©

FedUp Mail delivers all of your favourite Green Energy correspondence: court summons, compulsory purchase orders, badly-researched maps that reference long-dead landowners, etc πŸ’ͺ FedUp vans are powered on Super Eco Gasoline that average at least two miles per gallon πŸš“

We're contributing much needed services to rural communities across Wales to enable you all to share in the joys of Green Energy Development 😎 And the best part is: we paid for all of this with Welsh Pension money so we didn't even have to ask our pals in Copenhagen to send us more cash. Good eh? πŸ‡©πŸ‡°

Devising 'solutions' to problems that didn't exist until we turned up? That's Definitely Welsh 🏴󠁧󠁒󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

Remember, remember, the fifth of November,Corporate slogans, deceit and green rot;We preach saving nature with saintly b...
05/11/2025

Remember, remember, the fifth of November,
Corporate slogans, deceit and green rot;
We preach saving nature with saintly behaviour,
But cash is the only god we have got.

We'll blight every hillside with pylons and steel,
Cry 'progress!' while all wildlife we chase;
And should you dare to stand for the land we demand,
We'll ensure it is the court that you face.

We brand it 'Net Zero', we'll shout about 'clean power',
But truth, like your woods, will be felled;
For Definitely Welsh is green only where profit is seen,
And nothing but greed is upheld.

When we claim it's for nature but profit's the agenda, remember, remember the fifth of November.

🧨 Change is coming. Barod? 🧨

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