02/12/2025
I was listed on LinkedIn by Mike Kinnaird so I hope he won’t mind me sharing as it’s so timely and I know many people don’t use LinkedIn.
To follow Mike is reason enough to join LinkedIn as he has many a wise word to share.
Your sister has cancer. Your partner. Your parent. And Christmas is coming at you like a speedy train of expectation and you have absolutely no idea what to do with the thing.
Do you go big - decorate everything, cook the full spread, make it special because...well...you know...
Except that thought makes you feel sick and also you're exhausted and they're exhausted and "making memories" might just make everyone cry.
Or do you scale right back - minimal fuss, low expectations, just get through it? But then does that signal you've given up?
Does it make their cancer the thing that killed Christmas? Are you robbing them of normal when normal might be exactly what they really, really need right now?
Or maybe, do you just... ask them?
Except they probably don't know either. They're as confused as you are. And putting the decision on them feels like one more thing they have to manage when they're already managing everything. My fault again, they mutter.
Here's a very possible truth: there's no right answer.
Whatever you choose will feel partly wrong because the situation itself is wrong.
Cancer at Christmas isn't a puzzle you can solve by picking the correct approach.
But maybe there's a conversation somewhere in the mess.
Not "what do you want to do for Christmas?" - too big, too loaded. But smaller: "I genuinely don't know whether to make a fuss or not make a fuss, and I'll get it wrong either way, so can we just figure this out together as we go?"
Maybe that's it. Maybe it's a copout. Maybe Christmas this year isn't a plan, it's a negotiation. You check in. They check in. You try something and if it's too much you stop.
If they want turkey even though they can't taste it, in fact everything has a metallic taste, you make turkey. If they want beans on toast in front of the TV, that's Christmas dinner.
If they want people around, you rally people. If they want nobody, you get the battered Monopoly out of the cupboard upstairs and argue about who's going to be the banker.
Maybe the perfect gift isn't getting it right - it's being willing to get it wrong and adjust. To say "I thought this would help but it's not helping, what do we need instead?"
To let Christmas be imperfect and incomplete and whatever it needs to be this year.
Is there - could there be - a right answer? You've been there? How do you make this fit?
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