23/10/2025
Emotionally based HOME avoidance (EBHA)
(A flipped perspective) ❤️
Bobby is 8. Bobby is suffering from EBHA.
He is dysregulated in school every single day - anxious, hiding, crying, pleading not to go home.
He often clutches his stomach - the pain is constant. Teachers know it’s stress-related, but they can’t do anything. Sometimes, during his meltdowns, he hurts himself. Not because he’s “naughty” or “attention-seeking,” but because nobody listens to him and he’s so frustrated. He’s even started pulling his own hair out.
School know that being at home makes Bobby physically and mentally sick, but the parents keep insisting he’s fine there. Has the parent not heard of masking?
Staff have explained to the parents that something is very wrong - that Bobby needs help desperately, as a child being chronically stressed like this isn’t normal.
The parents reply, “Look, Bob’s fine when he’s with us. The problem is with YOU. You’re doing something very wrong. You need to train your staff better - maybe go on a course on how to look after him properly.”
It breaks the staff. They start wondering if they are the problem.
Sometimes, his teacher refuses to send him home.
For a few minutes, Bobby is happy. He can breathe. He thanks the teachers who care for him.
But then the parents arrive - angry - dragging him back to the car, reminding the school they are “breaking the law” and could be prosecuted if they don’t comply. Bobby screams, reaching out for the staff, red-faced and terrified.
The parents look back at them and say, “He’s fine!”
The school is now in turmoil. Staff who want to protect him feel powerless. His only brief moments of relief are cut short. He’s trapped between the one place that feels safe and the people who are supposed to protect him.
Now, during the day, Bobby lashes out at all his trusted teachers.
He can’t verbally explain why things are so bad at home - he has suspected SEN and difficulties communicating his feelings - but his body tells the story: hyperventilating, vomiting, chronic nausea, sleep disruption, intense anxiety.
Surely his body language is enough proof?
Why won’t the parents listen? Are they blind?
Teachers are desperate to keep him safe in school, but instead, he is dragged home daily - kicking, screaming, begging for help - while his parents tell him to “just stop” and “be more resilient, like your mates.”
This continues for an entire year.
Nobody really gets to the bottom of it.
School begs for assessments to unpick the barriers, but the parents refuse - making up excuse after excuse.
Eventually, Bobby goes silent.
He’s diagnosed with depression at eight years old.
His face is gaunt. He’s lost weight due to the nausea. He has joint pain and feels numb.
He no longer kicks or cries - because it doesn’t work.
He doesn’t smile anymore.
He doesn’t play anymore.
He’s still pulling his hair out.
He has said he wants to die.
Now imagine the safeguarding and social care referrals if this were a real scenario.
If a child showed this level of distress, the response would be immediate, right?
Because the child’s safety would be the priority.
And yet - because it’s neurodivergent children struggling with EBSA - the blame falls on the parents.
Every. Single. Time.
This is Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA) in its most cruel form.
It happens to thousands of families - and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
It makes me sick (not just because of what kids like Bobby endure) but because of the systemic failures that allow this to happen. The system literally blames parents instead of safeguarding children.
It ignores chronic stress, anxiety, and EBSA, and it punishes the very people trying to protect their child.
Recovery is possible, it can take a long time.
When my son went through this, I told his school:
“As his mother, I have a duty to safeguard his mental health. I will not physically touch his body in order to get him into school.”
That was the beginning of his glorious recovery.
We were lucky his school were good as gold. But the stories I’m hearing are heartbreaking. If you need help navigating this - then message me anytime.
Remember, Section 7 of the Education Act 1996 states “the education provided must be suitable for a child’s age, ability, aptitude, and any SEND they may have”
Love,
Leigh x
