07/06/2026
One of the cruellest things about school is that children slowly become aware of hierarchy long before they fully understand themselves.
Human beings naturally compare themselves to the people around them. Psychologists call this social comparison theory.
In schools, that comparison happens constantly.
Who reads fastest.
Who gets moved up a set.
Who is praised publicly.
Who finishes first.
Who gets the certificate.
Who gets the predicted grades.
Who gets called “gifted.”
Who gets the look of disappointment.
And children notice all of it.
Even when adults think they do not.
Over time, the brain begins building an internal story:
“These people are the clever ones.”
“And I am not.”
For some children, this happens repeatedly enough that it starts affecting motivation itself.
Educational psychology sometimes refers to this as learned helplessness.
When somebody repeatedly experiences effort without success, the brain can begin to protect itself by lowering expectation.
Not because the child is lazy.
Not because they do not care.
But because hope starts to feel emotionally dangerous.
So you learn not to expect to shine the way your peers do.
You learn to put your hand up honestly when the teacher says:
“Put your hand up if you don’t think you’re going to get an A*.”
And in a room where many children probably will…
you already know you won’t.
And then you are right.
People underestimate what that does to a developing sense of self.
Especially because adolescence is the exact period where identity formation is happening neurologically and psychologically.
Children are not just learning maths or English at school.
They are learning who they believe they are.
And if a child repeatedly experiences themselves as “behind,” “difficult,” “slow,” or “not academic,” those labels can become deeply embedded emotionally long after school ends.
Some children leave school with qualifications.
Others leave with a nervous system trained to expect failure before they have even begun.
