Grief - My story by Odessey

11/09/2022

Another long day...

03/09/2022

Trying to find something to give me some sort of pleasure, nothing is holding my attention or giving me any enjoyment, just waste the days away get up and kill time till bed...

17/08/2022

Really struggling again, just struggle to see a way out without causing others pain.

08/08/2022

23/07/2022

The days are getting worse again. The physical pain of my ailment is causing me to loose control of my mental pain and it is getting worse.

10/07/2022

Hello everyone, its been a while since I posted on here. I have been off work due to a condition that is causing issues with my breathing. Hopefully we should have a diagnosis soon 🤞

Yesterday was a long day, I went to the cinema and saw the new Thor Movie, I wont say anything about the film other than it was very emotional and I found myself quietly crying, it was such an emotive storyline.

13/05/2022

Its been a long and emotional day x

04/03/2022

Its been a while since my last post , which has seen 2 milestones , our Wedding Day 3rd February 2021 and the day she passed......27th February 2021.

I had hoped to carry on and try and 'get on' with my life but it is so hard, sleep is very disturbed, appetite all over the place, I cannot take pleasure in anything, something inside me feels very wrong, even work doesn't interest me (and I used to be a workaholic!)

I know I should approach the Dr but then I fear being labelled as having such and such and such condition or worse being told there's nothing wrong with me!

24/12/2021

To everyone struggling with the pain of loss this weekend....

20/12/2021

“You Don’t Just Lose Someone Once”
You lose them over and over,
sometimes many times a day.
When the loss, momentarily forgotten,
creeps up,
and attacks you from behind.
Fresh waves of grief as the realisation hits home,
they are gone.
You don’t just lose someone once,
you lose them every time you open your eyes to a new dawn,
and as you awaken,
so does your memory,
so does the jolting bolt of lightning that rips into your heart,
they are gone.
Again.
Losing someone is a journey,
not a one-off.
There is no end to the loss,
there is only a learned skill on how to stay afloat,
when it washes over.
Be kind to those who are sailing this stormy sea,
they have a journey ahead of them,
and a daily shock to the system each time they realise,
they are gone,
Again.
You don’t just lose someone once,
you lose them every day,
for a lifetime.

05/12/2021

It feels like im on the permanently on the edge of bursting out crying......

So may things trigger this feeling, but I seem unable to actually cry...

23/11/2021

If only pain was this easy to measure and a magic wand could be waved and solve it?

Would I want the cure?

20/11/2021

Just..............being the operative word, it is so hard and the days are so long.

24/10/2021

The thoughts are with me all the time, the choices I make don't change anything, just make it worse or perhaps the choices I make do make things better but the effect of them wears off, making it an even greater drop on the way back down?

19/10/2021

Its been a little while since my last post, I thought I was on the up (emotionally speaking) but the dark thoughts have returned with a vengeance, the days are getting harder again, I've cut myself off from people to hide my pain. It is so hard.......

24/09/2021

The summer sun is fading as the year grows old
And darker days are drawing near
The winter winds will be much colder
Now you're not here
I watch the birds fly south across the autumn sky
And one by one they disappear
I wish that I was flying with them
Now you're not here

Like the sun through the trees you came to love me
Like a leaf on a breeze you blew away

Through autumn's golden gown we used to kick our way
You always loved this time of year
Those fallen leaves lie undisturbed now
Cos you're not here
Cos you're not here
Cos you're not here

Like the sun through the trees you came to love me
Like a leaf on a breeze you blew away

A gentle rain falls softly on my weary eyes
As if to hide a lonely tear
My life will be forever autumn
Cos you're not here
Cos you're not here
Cos you're not here
Cos you're not here
Cos you're not here
Cos you're not here

Provided to YouTube by Universal Music GroupForever Autumn · Justin HaywardThe Very Best Of The Moody Blues℗ 1978 Sony Music Entertainment (UK) LimitedReleas...

19/09/2021

Why cant I cry? I cried the moment she had gone but since then nothing! Is there something wrong with me?

I feel the urge to cry in me build from time to time and then nothing?

Will a good cry make me feel better.....or worse?

10/09/2021

The news that Sarah Harding passed away has triggered a lot of emotion this week, the circumstances of her passing are virtually identical to my wife.

RIP Sarah

02/09/2021

It looks like I'm talking to myself to people on the outside I'm sure! I'm just letting her know how much I miss her...

21/08/2021

Its been a long day, and lead to the admission in my mind, well in actual fact, I said it out loud to myself! That I'm lonely... we spent all of the first lockdown together, I took a job, she was then diagnosed I left work and cared for her until the end, now its just me...

13/08/2021

This week has not been too bad......a couple of moments of upset and the dark thoughts have subsided a bit.

08/08/2021

Listening to MTV Classic and this song came on, I wish I could have fought off the Dark Angel to keep her with me...

Taken from the album "Hormonally Yours" released February 17th 1992Listen to “Stay” ⇨ https://ShakespearsSister.lnk.to/StayYoutube http://bit.ly/3cxWUOiSpoti...

07/08/2021

The time alone is too quiet, the time with others is too noisy.....

07/08/2021

The nights are the longest, my sleep is often disturbed, I get up at least once a night (Thats middle age for you!) its not so much the getting up, its the coming back to bed.....alone, no one to ask if I'm ok or to give a reassuring kiss and cuddle up to until I drift back off to sleep.

06/08/2021

I started this page as it is becoming harder to hold my emotions in check, I do not know how to feel or what to do, I have seen so many guides and charts listing the 4, 5, 6, 7 or even mores stages of grief, I do not know what number I am at but I know its name: Depression.

I do not know if I will continue with this page, I do not know if others will read it. Its really a chance to see the words on screen, and then re read them to see if the same dark thoughts in my head appear to be the same when written down, sounds daft I'm sure!

The dark thoughts are bad but I do not know how to get past them.