04/10/2026
“I need to report my car stolen.”
“Okay. Did you make it absolutely clear nobody had permission to take it?”
“I didn’t know somebody was going to steal it.”
“Right. But did you actually say, ‘Do not steal my car’?”
“What? No.”
“Okay. Were you drinking that evening?”
“I had a couple of drinks. Why?”
“Just trying to understand the circumstances.”
“Someone stole my CAR.”
“I understand. What kind of car was it?”
“A new Range Rover.”
“Expensive?”
“Yes.”
“So it probably attracted some attention.”
“Are you seriously blaming me because my car looked expensive?”
“Nobody is blaming you. We’re just establishing whether you did anything that might have given someone the wrong idea.”
“The wrong idea that they could STEAL IT?”
“Had you ever let somebody else drive it before?”
“Yes. Friends. Family.”
“Okay. So you have allowed people access to the car previously.”
“With PERMISSION.”
“You don’t need to get angry.”
“There’s literally CCTV of him taking it!”
“Okay. But these situations can be complicated.”
“What is complicated about stealing someone’s car?”
“Well, this is probably a young man. He’s got his whole life ahead of him.”
“So?”
“Do you really want one mistake to follow him around for the rest of his life?”
“He stole my car.”
“And I’m not saying that’s okay. I’m just asking you to think carefully about the consequences of making an accusation like this.”
“So what am I supposed to do?”
“Try to move forward.”
“And him?”
“Well… we wouldn’t want to ruin his future.”
Sounds completely ridiculous, doesn’t it?
Because when somebody reports a robbery, we understand something incredibly simple:
Having something valuable does not give somebody permission to take it.
Leaving it somewhere visible is not consent.
Having previously shared it with somebody else is irrelevant.
Drinking does not transfer ownership.
And the offender’s promising future does not erase what happened to the victim.
Yet survivors of SA are still asked versions of these questions.
What were you wearing?
Were you drinking?
Did you clearly say no?
Had you been intimate before?
Why did you go there?
Why didn’t you leave?
Why didn’t you report it immediately?
Maybe instead of asking victims what they could have done differently, we should spend considerably more time asking why someone believed they had the right to violate another human being.
