17/07/2026
We bought you flowers today. 🌻🩷
Every Friday, I try to buy you flowers. I don’t have a grave to visit, so your urn sits in my room instead. I like it to look beautiful. It brings me comfort knowing there’s a little space that is yours, somewhere I can stop, look at you, and let you know I’m thinking of you.
Leo and I chose them together. We stood there deciding between pink flowers and sunflowers, but the day was so bright and warm that sunflowers just felt like you.
Then tonight, something hit me. Every single evening when I brush Leo’s hair, I reach for your little hairbrush with your name on it. I smooth down his little side part, tame his stubborn cowlick, and without even realising it, you’ve been part of that moment all along. A tiny, ordinary ritual that quietly keeps you close.
You’re woven into our days in so many ways. Sometimes it’s intentional, and sometimes it just happens. But either way, you’re here. You’re remembered. You’re loved.
I see you in Leo more than I could ever explain. Little expressions, little mannerisms, moments that catch me completely off guard. Sometimes they make me smile. Sometimes they break my heart.
People often ask how you move forward after losing a child. The truth is, you don’t move on from them you move forward with them. You carry them into every season of your life. You love them in the only way you can.
I mother my babies differently now.
I get to kiss one goodnight, tuck him into bed, brush his hair and hear his laughter.
And I get to buy flowers for the other. I whisper her name. I tell her about our days. I imagine who she’d be becoming, and I hold her close in all the ways that are invisible to everyone else.
Leo is the absolute apple of my eye, and I thank the universe for him every single day. He has brought so much joy back into our lives. But loving him with everything I have will never mean I stopped loving or longing for Sienna . Love doesn’t work like that. It never runs out. It only grows.
So every Friday, we’ll keep buying your flowers.
We’ll keep saying your name.
We’ll keep making space for you in our home, in our conversations, and in our hearts.
Because you will always be our daughter. 🩷
You will always be Leo’s big sister.
And I will always be so incredibly proud to be your mummy.