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Faith Journey, Whitby, ON (2026)

08/31/2026

Have you ever had an inner ear infection? This past week I have been off balance and foggy headed to say the least. It is interesting how much it affects everything. Some might say they always knew I was a little off, ha ha. Truly, it has been a journey! It meant that I missed seeing my beautiful Aunt and cousin who live on the east coast and I rarely get to see them. They were visiting my Dad and I was SO looking forward to seeing them all as well as my siblings. But my body had other plans for me. I spent the weekend sitting still, reading a little but watching movies and documentaries. So…many…movies. At least I was entertained and distracted.

You know that spinning feeling, don’t you? I don’t mean the physical one. I mean the one in your mind where intrusive thoughts of fear and anxiety that swirl around endlessly because there is a situation at work or at home or just personally that your mind is desperately trying to make sense of and your thoughts will not leave you alone for a second. It is the “what if” questions…the “how could I have done that?” condemnation…the “why is God not answering” doubts…the “I’ll never trust anyone every again” wounds…you know…spinning. It’s worse that physical dizziness. It is torment! The human mind is an incredible thing and is capable of so much but…yeah, you know. When the talons of rumination dig deep, the positive statements of “Well, just trust God” don’t feel like encouragement, they can just feel like salt in the wounds.

As a little girl, I remember loving to spin. We would play games like pin the tail on the donkey with blindfolds and they would spin you around and see if you could get the tail close to the right spot. Another game we would play is Ring around the Rosie where you joined hands with other girls to go in circles singing. When I would be giggling and spinning and feel off balance I would reach out for a bike rack or a near by tree to ground me and keep me steady until the spinning in my head stopped. Well, this is what the Psalms are for me, mentally. They don’t hold back or sugar coat emotions. They are poetry expressing every emotion. So when my mind is spinning, when I get worn out I reach out for a Psalm that speaks to my specific emotion or struggle and then allow those words to be my grounding spot until the spinning in my mind stops. I am not always great at it. Believe me, I can spin out mentally with the best of them, but the only thing that keeps me from falling over is that grounding spot. So my friend, if you don’t have a grounding spot yet, take my hand and you can start with one of my favourites. “Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.” We ALL do.

“You’re my place of quiet retreat, and your WRAPAROUND PRESENCE becomes my shield as I wrap myself in your Word!”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭119‬:‭114‬ ‭TPT‬‬

08/24/2026

Another summer at the lake has come to a close. So much fun and giggles and laughter and splashes and card games and bonfires…sigh. Absolutely wonderful! The landscape in Ontario is stunning. It is some of the prettiest in the world, I think. Now it is approaching the fall routines and that feels good too. I am convinced more than ever that it is the contrasts in life that make us appreciate each experience.

I was reading this morning a verse I have read tons of times but not in the Passion Translation. The wording jumped out at me.
“I know what it means to lack, and I know what it means to experience overwhelming abundance. For I’m trained in the secret of overcoming all things, whether in fullness or in hunger. And I find that the strength of Christ’s explosive power infuses me to conquer every difficulty.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭12‬-‭13‬ ‭TPT‬‬

The part I loved is that I am trained in the “secret of overcoming all things”. I am a trained operative! When in the circumstances of lack…lacking confidence or finances or health or joy or courage…that kind of lack feels overwhelming, all consuming. In my experiences, I have found that in the seasons of lack is definitely when I see the faithfulness of God. When I experience my lack, there is an unexplainable strength that sustains me. Is there still fear? For me, there definitely is. Is there still questions? Yep. Is there still doubt? Yes. But there is also a quiet strength that helps me endure whatever the lack is.

I always wished I was someone who had unshakeable faith because to me, I always thought that meant I would never have fear or doubt or sadness because my faith would be unshakeable. Maybe some people experience that. My experience has not been that. Instead it has been that when my faith is shaken (not if, but when) that I keep choosing to trust even when I don’t feel it. Even when I am angry, or when I don’t know if I can trust and I hold God at a distance, or when my wounds knock me to the floor, something inside of me keeps choosing to trust…even if it is in a limited weak capacity. I keep choosing to trust and I admit that I am weak. This is when Papa God is strong FOR me.

So I may be a 64 year old, retired woman with grey hair but I know on the inside….I am a trained operative! 😉

08/16/2026

August. Wow. Summer flies by when there are only 8 weeks of it. I can already notice slight changes…the sun is coming up a few minutes later, the sun is setting just a little bit earlier, the nights are getting cooler…all the things that tell us that the transition towards fall is coming. Not here yet but it is coming. Everything is constantly changing…everything.

This constant change that happens in nature, in our bodies, in life in general is so interesting because Papa God, creator, who made us in his image, creates all things to constantly grow, morph, evolve, change but is also our only constant who does NOT change. There is evidence all around us, in all of creation that change happens constantly…and yet…we are shocked when change happens in our lives. We are weird creatures.

In my little brain of limited understanding, I like to believe that God purposely created life this way so that we would grow and learn. It’s like he is watching our lives with joy and excitement to see what we will become. He is the master gardener, the owner of the vineyard like Jesus talked about. The vine gets pruned so it can become healthier, sturdier, more beautiful. We know this analogy well if you have been in church life for very long. Great analogy until a major branch in your life gets lopped off. The minor branches are painful but we get through it. The major branches…ouch! Our bodies, finances, family, grief, mental health….these are all major branches! What the heck is that pruner doing? Why that branch? Does the pruner know what he is doing? I don’t understand why that branch is the one to get removed because it is a main part of the plant!

In my conversations with Papa God, I often remind him of my loooooooong list of questions I have, that someday I hope to be able to ask and get answers for. I know what you’re thinking, like God owes me an answer? Ha! When I read the stories of people who lived lives of faith and their lives are recorded in scripture or in other books, I noticed that there are lots of questions. Lots of people questioned God. God always responds with more questions. It’s like he is Jack Nicholson in that movie A Few Good Men, when he says, “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” I was told in church and in Bible College, to question is wrong. Just stay in the lines, in the box of your church and your denomination. I saw what happened to people who voiced their questions and I didn’t want that to happen to me. So what do I do with all of my questions? The things that don’t seem to add up. Like, is suffering honestly the only way we can learn things? Why does it take us so long to learn real truths? Why are there not definitive answers given to us? (Did I mention that the list of questions is long?). I won’t bore you with my list. I am sure that you have your own long list.

Over the years, I have discovered that God can handle my questions. He isn’t thrown off or angry with me or disappointed in me. He is not disrespected by me either. He is….patient. He listens. He provides. He allows me to rant if I need to. I mull over the questions until I reach the point of surrender. Surrender the questions, the “why’s”, the “how come’s”, and just trust. This verse kinda says it, ““You need the strength of endurance to reveal the poetry of God’s will and then you receive the promise in full.” Hebrews‬ ‭10‬:‭36‬ ‭TPT‬‬ Despite my questions, I know I can’t do life without him so I sit with the uncertainty and trust that understanding will come in the “poetry of God’s will” and when I have “received the promise in full.” Trust, rest and live with the uncertainty….till I can handle the truth.

08/09/2026

Happy Sunday morning to you! The sun is shining and the lake is calm. Wherever you are today, I hope you are at peace.

08/03/2026

Last night’s sunset after a full day of drizzling rain was spectacular!!! I love nature. It has such a calming effect. A million things in the world can be changing or deteriorating and I get out in nature and the insanity stops. The beauty and the smells, the full sensory experience causes me to breathe deep. It makes my mind slow down. Then I exhale. Peace.

Peace is super important to me. I made a decision to stop watching the news at the beginning of this year. I found myself getting so angry at all of the things I was hearing, all the injustice, the sheer insanity of so many things, that I decided to see if my world would implode by not being up to date on all the news. Guess what? It didn’t. Huh. It’s not for everyone. I am also not saying that you should stop watching the news. Just saying that hearing constantly about all the awful things happening in the world and in my neighborhood, that there is not one thing I can do to change, was messing with my head and my peace.

I’m reminded of the serenity prayer about changing what is actually within my power to change. Do you know what is always within my power to change? Me. When I was young, there was a driving thought of trying to save the world! It was wonderful and passionate and adventurous. Somewhere along the way, the reality of life and politics and control try to squash that…and…it works. Discouragement, frustration, resentment, all worm their way in and can become a distraction.

What I realize more and more everyday is that I can only change me….and even that is difficult. You ever want to know just how hard headed you are? Start trying to do the work on yourself that you need. I can be a really slow learner. I can be resistant to change. I can resent having to change at all! But at the end of all of that, I realize that I won’t really love myself and then ultimately others unless I confront some of those things. If God can create a sunset as beautiful as this, maybe trusting his healing process in me is possible.

08/02/2026

Making and enjoying a friend is the best! Someone else who “gets” you. Someone who is your kind of weird that you feel seen by. I remember making a friend and saying, “Wow, you are the most normal person I know!” Their response was, “I have NEVER been called normal.” I said, “Well, you are MY kind of normal.” What I appreciated the most about that person was that they were authentic. I really value that in people and is a must in friends.

The past few years I have really been trying to get to know my friend, Holy Spirit, beyond just the one thing he is known for in the church I grew up in…speaking in tongues. With all of the opinions and interpretations and ideas swirling around, what did Jesus say about him? I realize so often that Jesus was trying to find a way to convey Kingdom reality to people with brains like us that think this tangible world is all there is. So….what did He say?

“But here’s the truth: It’s to your advantage that I go away, for if I don’t go away the Divine Encourager will not be released to you. But after I depart, I will send him to you. And when he comes, he will expose sin and prove that the world is wrong about God’s righteousness and his judgments.
“ ‘Sin,’ because they refuse to believe in who I am.
“God’s ‘righteousness,’ because I’m going back to join the Father and you’ll see me no longer.
“And ‘judgment’ because the ruler of this dark world has already received his sentence.
“There is so much more I would like to say to you, but it’s more than you can grasp at this moment.”
‭‭John‬ ‭16‬:‭7‬-‭12‬ ‭TPT‬‬

I have found this to be so true in getting to know Holy Spirit. He has a way of showing me sin, as in ways that I am not believing God, not trusting God. He does this not by condemnation, but by love. He has a way of showing me God’s righteousness, as in how God makes everything right, covers my failures and shortcomings, makes me complete and whole through no effort on my part other than belief/faith. He has a way of showing me judgment/condemnation is for the tormentor, the destroyer, the deceiver, the liar, the voice that ALWAYS leads me away from God. I love how Holy Spirit will whisper what is true to my heart as I become still and listen. His truth destroys the lies and negates every negative voice that lies to me about my value, about how much God loves me, or about whether it is worth it to trust God. Whenever those accusing voices are in my head, it is just the voice of one who has already been judged and condemned trying to push his sentence onto me.

This is what has been true for me. It has taken me a lot of work and study and leaning on Jesus to get my head out of the religion of condemnation. I had to let go of the punitive teachings I grew up with. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have to remind myself of the freedom and not condemnation that I am allowed to walk in because of Jesus’ truth. Old habits have a way of hanging on. The best part is that Holy Spirit is always with me, guiding my path, leading me to truth, to peace, to kindness. A friend who sees the best in me and wants the best for me. Now that is the kind of friend I will always want.

07/29/2026

I am living trailer life on the lake, as you can see from my photo. For a few days it is just me and my two grands. It is all the good things. Giggles and adventures and snacks and boo-boo’s and the best part? The snuggles. Ahhh, the snuggles. I have my morning coffee and journal and candle, but also, as you can see, the pipe cleaners and future craft adventures, the towel drying from a late evening swim of the grands, a hair clip and dock speaker….sigh. I am living my best life this summer!

It’s early in the morning and I am thankful to be awake before the sun comes up, before the phone can ring, before the noise of life starts. I love my life and every component that brings me joy in my retired Gigi life AND I LOVE my early mornings. It is quiet and it’s just me and my Creator. There is oneness with him in this quietness that is no where else. In this place, the past is irrelevant, the future is too far away and this present moment is suspended in time. There is breath. There is Papa God. No list of requests…just breath…and presence. He is the embodiment of love. There is no judgment, no condemnation, no lecture, no sermon, no 5 steps to victory, no quick fixes, no admonishments……just…..love….breath…presence…quiet…calm…peace…breathe in…breathe out. These moments remind me that this is not my home, not this trailer, not where my stuff is located, not a house, not even my wonderful, glorious, fun-filled Gigi life here, He is my home. Papa God is my home.

07/27/2026

Back in the day, a music company called Maranatha produced a lot of scripture songs, literally scriptures put to song. I have a horrible memory. I tried memorizing scripture but it never stuck, but put it to music, and that was the ticket for me. There is an old scripture song that has always stuck with me. “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning, new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness, O Lord. Great is thy faithfulness.”

Growing up in church, I had a punitive view of God. Be good, you are blessed. Be bad and look out because God will punish you both here on earth and for eternity. Yikes! Soooo much fear. But didn’t the New Testament also tell us that there is no fear in love? Didn’t the Old Testament tell us that it was God’s kindness that calls us to repentance? Talk about mixed messages.

As the years have gone by, in God’s mercy, he has revealed to me more and more of his heart and my experience has been that of seeing the absolute love that is unconditional, all encompassing, lavish and extravagant. Coming to know that and accepting that has been the pathway to peace in my life. This was the gospel Jesus came to share. All of his dealings with anyone who was not religious was loving and accepting. The only people he ever showed any frustration or anger with was religious people because they were telling people that they had to “do” something to get God’s approval. They were ruining the life giving message God has always been trying to get to us.

You and I are loved…period…full stop. No conditions, no prerequisites, no condemnation, no hoops to jump through, no amount of SELF righteous behaviour will make a hill of beans difference. Love is the current of the kingdom of God. It is the basis, the foundation, the overriding commonality. How will anyone know I am an active participant in the kingdom of God? If I love everyone. Like….everyone. No if’s, ands or buts. No qualifiers. No anything. Just love. I have to choose to love first. I am still learning and hope to keep learning until I leave this realm.

04/21/2026

“If God is, indeed, good, and He is … then He is infinitely, perpetually, boundlessly, and altogether good.

If God is, indeed, merciful, and He is … then He is infinitely, perpetually, boundlessly, and altogether merciful.

If God is, indeed, loving, and He is … then He is infinitely, perpetually, boundlessly, and altogether loving.

If God is, indeed, kind, and He is, then He is infinitely, perpetually, boundlessly, and altogether kind.”
-Carol McLeod

Faith Journey

08/31/2026

08/24/2026

08/16/2026

08/09/2026

08/03/2026

08/02/2026

07/29/2026

07/27/2026

04/21/2026

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