04/21/2026
Hello! How are you guys today? I have been away from here for a few days (or more), I have been having some really rough days lately. Usually, I have a bad day or 2 and then I seem to come out of it, but this is now entering day 9 and I am still struggling. First of all, I want to put out there I AM OKAY, I am not a harm to myself.
But for some reason this feeling is not going away, which is fine because as we all know Grief comes and she stays however long she wants to.... she is staying a little longer this time LOL
I wanted to share some of what I am dealing with, I have recently joined some support groups for loss in general, well hearing everyone's loss and about their loved ones is heartbreaking but so nice for them to share such loving thoughts and moments. It also brings me to a crossroad. These people who have lost someone was whether they were old and nature took over, or a disease or illness. These loved ones fought to stay alive for just another day and in my situation my son chose to leave, he decided his time was over. Which in this field of volunteering and being there I feel like I shouldn't be upset and grieving like others because how he chose his ending.
Yes, I know a loss is a loss and I still lost my child; I have courses and spent many evenings and days researching these things, but I can't help but to feel this way as I am sure many others who lost loved ones by su***de feel the same way.
I hate even saying this and have these thoughts because he was my son and he died just as everyone else. But su***de loss is so much more complex than most losses.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, As I mentioned before I do not put these statuses for pity or anything like that, it is so people can see the hard harsh reality of what a su***de loss does to others. It is not nice, it is ugly and hard and I rather do anything else but this!
Thank you guys