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Peace River Senior Centre, 10301/101 Street, Peace River, AB (2026)

10/15/2026

SENIORS SUPPER Wednesday, Oct. 21 Chicken and Pork Ribs, vegetables, salads, Anita's home made buns, and a variety of desserts .
We need to know if you are attending. So please call 780-624-2700 with your name and number of guests attending before NOON Oct. 20
2026 memberships ($10.00) are available at the door.
Supper prices are $15.00 for members and $18.00 for non members. Also leftovers are available for purchase at $5.00 per serving.
Doors open at 4:30 and buffet starts at 5:30.
All Seniors Centre activities continue through the week!!!
We look forward to seeing you there.

Scurvy…When life doesn’t give you lemons.
Contrary to popular belief, pigs don’t speak Pig Latin, they speak porkuguese.
If you put your sole of your foot up to your ear, you can hear the sound of your hip dislocating.
I ate an entire box of thin mints, they didn’t work.

Hike in groups. Bears like to have options too.
Always hike with someone who is worse shape than you. Because bears don’t like fast food much either.

My Boss said I intimidate coworkers. I stared at him until he apologized.

Classic put downs;
Well, aren’t you a waste of two billion years of evolution?

Her: “You know, every time you smile, I feel like inviting you back to my place.”
Him: “Really? Are you single?”
Her: “No I’m a Dentist.”

Teacher: I remember you from the last field trip.
Me: Because I was the only Dad?
Teacher: No because you brought b**r.

A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t take the TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channel. That’s just mean.

I have a pet termite. I named him Clint. Clint Eats Wood.

10/09/2026

SENIORS SUPPER Wednesday, Oct. 14 Pulled Pork, Cabbage rolls, and vegetables, salads, Anita's home made buns, and a variety of desserts .

We need to know if you are attending. So please call 780-624-2700 with your name and number of guests attending before NOON Oct. 13
2026 memberships ($10.00) are available at the door.
Supper prices are $15.00 for members and $18.00 for non members. Also leftovers are available for purchase at $5.00 per serving.
Doors open at 4:30 and buffet starts at 5:30.
All Seniors Centre activities continue through the week!!!
We look forward to seeing you there.

It is ok to talk to yourself, but this becomes a problem when you start repeating yourself because you were not listening
Whenever I left the door open, my mum would ask if I was born in a barn, which is odd, because you would think she'd remember something like that.

When I got home my wife said “I just cleaned the house so It would be great if you found somewhere else to live..”
The therapist put a half of a glass of water in front of me and asked if I was an optimist or a pessimist. So I drank the water and told her I was a problem solver.
If you mean by doing crunches you mean the sound bacon makes when you eat it, yes I do crunches
A local farmer allows hikers and joggers to walk across the field for free, but the bull charges.

When folks ask me about what I hope people say about me 50 years from now - I reply “Boy doesn’t he look great for his age…”
I went to a local psychic to get a reading.
I realized the psychic was a fraud when she accepted my personal check …

There are folks who object to eating beef tongue because it came out of a cow’s mouth. These people have no problem eating eggs

09/24/2026

Liver Alert SENIORS SUPPER September 30 Liver & Onions and Roast beef vegetables, salads, and a variety of desserts .
Sides include potatoes, vegetables, salad as well as beverages, Anita's home made buns, and a variety of desserts
PLEASE CALL; we need to know if you are attending. So please call 780-624-2700 with your name and number of guests attending before NOON September 29
2026 memberships ($10.00) are available at the door.
Supper prices are $15.00 for members and $18.00 for non members. Also leftovers are available for purchase at $5.00 per serving.
Doors open at 4:30 and buffet starts at 5:30.
All Seniors Centre activities continue through the week!!!
We look forward to seeing you

A young lady walks into a store and sees a shiny object for sale on the shelf. She asks the clerk “what is that?” His reply “that is a thermos”. She askes “what does it do?” The clerk replies “It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.”
The next day she takes it to work. Her boss asks “what is that?” She says “it is a thermos, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold”. The boss asks “What do you have in it?” She replies “Hot coffee and a popsicle ..”

Here’s a question. Why do they lock gas station restrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

My wife told me to take the garbage out. I said you cooked it, you take it out.

A new survey shows 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population.

The world is full of idiots and most of them have computers.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
marriage is the #1 cause of divorce

09/17/2026

SENIORS SUPPER September 23 will be "Chef's Surprize" (Beef and Pork), vegetables, salads, and a variety of desserts .
Sides include potatoes, vegetables, salad as well as beverages, Anita's home made buns, and a variety of desserts
PLEASE CALL; we need to know if you are attending. So please call 780-624-2700 with your name and number of guests attending before NOON September 22
2026 memberships ($10.00) are available at the door.
Supper prices are $15.00 for members and $18.00 for non members. Also leftovers are available for purchase at $5.00 per serving.
Doors open at 4:30 and buffet starts at 5:30.
All Seniors Centre activities continue through the week!!!
We look forward to seeing you!

I told my wife “I need to call the doctor today”. She said “Which doctor?” I replied, “No, the regular kind..”..

A lady news paper reporter was interviewing men on the street. Her question was “Do you think a woman’ place is in the kitchen?” One man replied “ Certainly not, the rest of the house needs cleaning too…”

A lady was convicted in court for sp*eding, before sentencing the Judge asked her “What is your job?” the lady replied “I am a school teacher.” The judge stood up and said “Madame, I have waited for years for a school teacher to appear in this courtroom.” He smiled and said “now sit down at that table and write out ‘I will not run a red light’ 500 times.”

The three year old girl was using the tea set grandma and grandpa had given her for her birthday. She laid out all of the set in front of grand pa, said “Wait a minute, I will get the tea.” And a minute later she came back with the toy tea pot full of water. Grandpa smiled and drank several cups. Grandma was watching and said “ you realize that she is small and the only place she can get reach to get water is from the toilet?” .

The Dr said “drinking 8 glasses of water a day will help you look younger..” . Well, my advice is to drink 8 glasses of w**e a day and you won’t care how you look.

My son had just passed his driving test and offered to pick me up from the after work visit to the tavern as I was having drinks with my friends. On the way home I asked “ Can we stop at McDonalds?” My son replied “I have been waiting years for this. NO! we have food at home”.

I love my wife, but sometimes she is so immature. Yesterday during my bath she came in and sunk all of my battleships…

09/10/2026

SENIORS SUPPER September 16 will be Chicken, Dumplings, and Roast Beef, vegetables, salads, and a variety of desserts .
Sides include potatoes, vegetables, salad as well as beverages, Anita's home made buns, and a variety of desserts
PLEASE CALL; we need to know if you are attending. So please call 780-624-2700 with your name and number of guests attending before NOON September 17
2026 memberships ($10.00) are available at the door.
Supper prices are $15.00 for members and $18.00 for non members. Also leftovers are available for purchase at $5.00 per serving.
Doors open at 4:30 and buffet starts at 5:30.
All Seniors Centre activities continue through the week!!!
We look forward to seeing you!

I have found the key to a successful marriage is to remind my wife I am not as annoying as I could be and she should be grateful for that.

A good relationship is when your wife stands by you during the difficult times to remind you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

I finally got to see my Dr. today. I showed him the rash on my buttocks. He ignored me as if he did not know me and kept pushing his cart around Walmart.

In the news, Baseball umpires want more money. They are thinking of Calling a strike…

I was at lunch with my friend. I pointed across the room at two old men sitting at a table. I said. “One day, that will be us..” My friend said “That is a mirror…”

What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed vegetable.

I said to the cashier at the COOP checkout? “Look this is dated for today, can I get it half price?” She replied “Look mister, do you want the newspaper or not?”

I bet you don’t remember the chiropractor joke I told about a week back..

At supper the child asked “Dad, what’s a forklift?”. Dad replied “Food, usually.”

09/03/2026

SENIORS SUPPER September 9 will be Pulled Pork and chili, vegetables, salads, and a variety of desserts .
Sides include potatoes, vegetables, salad as well as beverages, Anita's home made buns, and a variety of desserts
PLEASE CALL; we need to know if you are attending. So please call 780-624-2700 with your name and number of guests attending before NOON September 8
2026 memberships ($10.00) are available at the door.
Supper prices are $15.00 for members and $18.00 for non members. Also leftovers are available for purchase at $5.00 per serving.
Doors open at 4:30 and buffet starts at 5:30.
All Seniors Centre activities continue through the week!!!
We look forward to seeing you!

My wife does not expect much from me. Only to read her mind, understand her unspoken hints, and remember stuff she never mentioned.

Do you ever think that there are people out there who have a funny storey about the weirdest person they ever encountered and it is you?

My friend asked “ Do you keep your money at home or in the bank?” I replied, “Most of my money is in my memories…”

What do you call fake potatoes? Imitaters”

Some one glued my deck of cards together. I do not know how to deal with it now.

Her husband refused to to church on Sunday, and the wife had the perfect response. The wife asked “Why aren’t you getting dressed?” the husband replied “Three reasons, first it is too cold, second no one there likes me, and third I just don’t feel like going.”
His wife replied “I’ve got three reasons you should go , first it is warm, second some people DO like you, and THIRD -you are the Minister.”

I suspect my wife is showing signs of dementia, She just said she can’t remember what she ever saw in me….

Some people may think I am mean, but I do have a good heart. If I tell someone to go to hell, I still hope they get their safely

The ultimate insult “ you absolutely light up every room you walk out of…”

08/27/2026

SENIORS SUPPER September 2 will be Meatloaf and Chicken.
Sides include potatoes, vegetables, salad as well as beverages, Anita's home made buns, and a variety of desserts
PLEASE CALL; we need to know if you are attending. So please call 780-624-2700 with your name and number of guests attending before NOON September 1
2026 memberships ($10.00) are available at the door.
Supper prices are $15.00 for members and $18.00 for non members. Also leftovers are available for purchase at $5.00 per serving.
Doors open at 4:30 and buffet starts at 5:30.
All Seniors Centre activities continue through the week!!!
We look forward to seeing you!!!
Have you ever noticed that a man’s “Be home in five minutes” and a woman’s “Be ready in five minutes” is the same amount of time?

There are too many gadgets in these new cars. I just wanted to go in reverse and now it is showing me a video of someone getting run over…

If a man says he will do something, he will do it. There is no need to remind him about it every six months.

When you are in the checkout line and the cashier asks you if you found everything you should say “Why? Are you hiding stuff?”

You can not have a bad day at work if you do not go…

How can you tell if an ant is male or female? If it sinks it is a girl ant, if it floats it is a boy ant.

An old Indian man was asked the name of his wife. He replied “she is named Three Horse..” That is an unusual name for a wife , Three Horse. What does it mean?” The old fellow replied “it is an old indian name it means Nag, nag, nag…”

The young lady snuggled up to her boyfriend and said “tell me something that will make me feel like a woman..” The boyfriend replied “ok you don’t know how to parallel park..”

08/20/2026

SENIORS SUPPER August 26 will be Pork Ribs and Chicken.
Sides include potatoes, vegetables, salad as well as beverages, Anita's home made buns, and a variety of desserts
PLEASE CALL; we need to know if you are attending. So please call 780-624-2700 with your name and number of guests attending before NOON August 25th
2026 memberships are available at the door each week. $10.00.
Supper prices are $15.00 for members and $18.00 for non members. Also leftovers are available for purchase at $5.00 per serving.
Doors open at 4:30 and buffet starts at 5:30.
All Seniors Centre activities continue through the week!!!
We look forward to seeing you!!!

The woman is at the doctors complaining “My husband talks in his sleep..” The doctor replied, “Try letting him talk during the day.”

Two refined gentlemen were talking. One said to the other “I just wrote a book on penguins.” The other man replied “It probably would have been easier to write it on paper..” .

The Doctor said “Your husband needs rest and peace, here are some sleeping pills.” The wife asked, “when should I give them to him?” The Doctor replied “They are for you.”

Did you hear about the cement mix truck that collided with the prison van? Police are advising folks to be on the lookout for hardened criminals.

The young boy said “Grandpa, do you mind if I played my harmonica?” Grandpa replied “not at all, in fact music saved my life.” “ What happened?” asked the grandson.
Grandpa replied “Well it was during the famous Johnson flood. The dam broke and when the water hit our house it knocked it right off it’s foundation. Grandma got on the dining room table and floated off safely.” The grandson said “what about you?” Grandpa replied “ I accompanied her on the piano…”

The husband comes home and lays down the law. “I am the man of this house, so tomorrow I want you to have a hot delicious meal ready the minute I walk through the door, Afterwards, while watching the ball game and relaxing in my chair, you will bring my slippers and rub my back. And when I am done my bath guess who is dress me and comb my hair?” the wife replies “The funeral director…”

08/13/2026

SENIORS SUPPER August 19 will be Pork Chops and, Meat Balls
Sides include potatoes, vegetables, salad as well as beverages, Anita's home made buns, and a variety of desserts

PLEASE CALL; we need to know if you are attending. So please call 780-624-2700 with your name and number of guests attending before NOON August 18th
2026 memberships are available at the door each week. $10.00.
Supper prices are $15.00 for members and $18.00 for non members. Also leftovers are available for purchase at $5.00 per serving.
Doors open at 4:30 and buffet starts at 5:30.
All Seniors Centre activities continue through the week!!!
We look forward to seeing you!!!

The trouble with retirement is that I never get a day off.

I asked my wife “Why did you marry me?” She replied “Because you are funny..”. I said “I thought it was because I was good in bed.” She said “See, you are hilarious..”

The wife called the husband and said “I’ve got good news and band news.” Husband replied “Give me the good news first.” The wife replied “The airbags in the new car work..”

As you get older, you have to stay positive. For example, last week I fell down the stairs. As I laid there at the bottom instead of getting upset I thought “wow that is the fastest I have moved in years…”

John is having a bad day. When he buttoned his shirt, his button fell off. When he picked up his briefcase the handle fell off, when he went to open the door the doorknob fell off. Now he is afraid to p*e.

My wife asked me “Do you know what it means to come home to a house where the wife gives you love and affection?” My reply “Yes, it means I am in the wrong house…”

A man went to the police station asking to speak to the burglar who broke into his house. The sergeant at the desk said “ you will get your chance in court.” The man replied, “no, no no, I want to know how he sneaked in without waking my wife. I have been trying to do that for years.”

08/08/2026

The Seniors Supper menu for August 12th is Ham & Scalloped Potatoes and Chicken. If you haven't already done so please call 780-624-2700 to have your name added to our list. Please call today or before noon on Tuesday August 11
Jokes not told last week

If you’re over 35, it’s time to forget about younger girls and find a mature woman who recognizes the signs of a stroke.

Out of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.

Two reasons I don’t give money to the homeless:
One is they’d spend it on booze.
Two is I want to spend it on booze.

As I gazed into her eyes, my knees got weak and I could feel butterflies in my stomach… I knew right then and there I had put the roofies in the wrong glass.

Opening the fridge door every 15 minutes, not because you expect new food to magically appear, but because your standards lower each time you look.

I was told to “Check my attitude.” I did and it’s still there.

I watch so many crime programs when I turn off the TV I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

Peace River Senior Centre

10/15/2026

10/09/2026

09/24/2026

09/17/2026

09/10/2026

09/03/2026

08/27/2026

08/20/2026

08/13/2026

08/08/2026

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