06/10/2026
It is Wednesday, so lets talk Wellness.😌🌱 This is a snippet of Melody Land's article from our June publication. To read the full article, please visit us at connectingalbertcounty.org
- Most of us grow up learning about grief without ever really talking about it. We lose a beloved pet, maybe a grandparent. We observe our parents, family members, and even our whole community experiencing loss and how we cope often reflects what we see. Often-times, even most of the time, it is incredibly uncomfortable and so we avoid, push it aside, and definitely try not to talk about it. Maybe during the funeral, a few expressions on a Facebook post, and then we move on, right? Here’s the kicker that often surprises us: grief is not only about death. People grieve divorce, illness, lost friendships, estrangement, moving away, job loss, addiction, trauma, lost dreams, and changes in identity. We grieve the lives we thought we would have. We grieve people who are still alive. We grieve communities, relationships, routines, and even versions of ourselves. Even losses related to changes we would consider “good”, like buying a new home or getting a new job, can cause grief.
I meet people in my practice who come in without words for what they are feeling. They aren’t sure why they are feeling off, having uncomfortable emotions, difficult mental health symptoms, or sometimes having certain physical health issues. Something I’ve discovered time and time again that often what I am witnessing is layers of unidentified, unexpressed, incomplete, grief.
We hear little sayings from childhood: “Be strong.” “Keep busy.” “Time heals all wounds.” “Everything happens for a reason.” People usually mean well when they say these things. They are trying to comfort us, or maybe trying to make us feel less alone. But for many people who are grieving, these messages do not actually help. In fact, they can sometimes make grief feel heavier. Sometimes they can actually cause harm. When we don’t fully allow ourselves to feel our grief (and instead replace it with some of the myths we will discuss below) we can get stuck in something called “incomplete grief”, which can have long-term, lasting effects. The book, The Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James and Russell Friedman talks about what they call the “myths of grief”. These myths are ideas many of us were taught, but they are lessons that can make it harder to heal after loss.
Myth #1: Don’t Feel Bad
From the time we are little, many of us are taught to avoid painful feelings. If a child falls down, someone quickly says, “You’re okay!” before the child even decides whether they are okay. If someone is grieving, people rush in with silver linings or encouragement meant to cheer them up. Grief does not disappear just because we try to push it aside. Sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, loneliness, numbness — these are all normal human responses to loss. Feelings are not problems to solve. They are signals that something important happened. Trying not to feel grief often just means carrying it longer. Sometimes healing begins not with fixing the feeling, but with finally allowing it to exist... (To read more please view our publication online at connectingalbertcounty.org )
