Melbourne Muslimahs

Melbourne Muslimahs Melbourne Muslimahs is located in Victoria, Australia providing support services to vulnerable women

Saying no to intimacy after abuse in Islam is a valid reasonThis is a very important conversation, because too many wome...
06/05/2026

Saying no to intimacy after abuse in Islam is a valid reason

This is a very important conversation, because too many women are made to feel guilt or shame for protecting themselves after being harmed.

Let’s be clear:

Abuse is a valid reason to say no to intimacy.

Islam does not permit harm.

The Prophet ï·ș said:

«“There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.”
(Ibn Majah 2340)»

If a woman has experienced:

- physical abuse
- emotional abuse
- sexual coercion
- betrayal trauma
- fear in the relationship
- PTSD or panic symptoms

then it is completely understandable that her body and mind may not feel safe with intimacy.

Safety is essential.

Intimacy in Islam is meant to be built on:

- mercy
- love
- kindness
- mutual respect

—not fear.

Allah ï·» says to live with your spouses in kindness.

So if abuse has occurred, forcing, pressuring, or guilting a woman into intimacy is not in line with Islamic mercy.

---

It is true that Islamic texts speak about spouses fulfilling one another’s rights.

But scholars also clearly mention that illness, emotional distress, psychological harm, and mistreatment are valid reasons to refuse intimacy.

Trauma is not “just in your head.”

After abuse, the nervous system may respond with:

- fear
- shutdown
- panic
- flashbacks
- dissociation

This is not rejection.

This is the body trying to protect itself.

---

Healing may take time.

Sometimes the kindest thing for the marriage is to pause intimacy until:

- safety is restored
- trust is rebuilt
- abuse has fully stopped
- accountability has happened
- therapy or counselling has been sought

Without healing, intimacy can become another source of trauma.

---

💭 Islam does not ask a woman to ignore harm.

Your body needing safety after abuse is not disobedience.

It is a trauma response that deserves compassion, healing, and respect.

📌 More reflections in the “Between Hearts & Decree” series starting tomorrow night on Insta Live with Dr Lucy Verwey

đŸš© “Negging” in Marriage Messaging: When ‘Halal Intentions’ Hide ManipulationNegging is when someone uses subtle insults ...
05/05/2026

đŸš© “Negging” in Marriage Messaging: When ‘Halal Intentions’ Hide Manipulation

Negging is when someone uses subtle insults or backhanded compliments to create insecurity in another person—often disguised as “honesty,” “banter,” or even “serious marriage intentions.”

In private messaging for marriage, it can sound like:

“You’re not really my type, but I’ll consider you.”

“You’re a bit loud, but maybe that’s okay.”

“You’re alright looking for your age.”

“I dont usually talk to girls online, but I could not look past your profile picture. You make it hard to lower my gaze"

On the surface it may look harmless. But the effect is clear: it lowers confidence so the other person starts seeking approval.

This is not healthy communication. It’s not emotional maturity. And it’s definitely not aligned with Islamic adab in seeking marriage.

In Islam, marriage is built on:

Respect

Clarity

Good character (akhlaq)

No harm or humiliation

The Prophet ï·ș taught excellence in character and kindness in dealings. Subtle put-downs—whether obvious or “playful”—have no place in sincere marriage pursuit.

A serious intention doesn’t need psychological tactics. It doesn’t need insecurity to create attachment. It doesn’t need to diminish someone to gain their attention.

Real interest is simple: ✔ Respectful
✔ Direct
✔ Honest
✔ Dignified

If someone needs to make you feel “less than” in order to engage you, that’s not marriage-focused behaviour—it’s control dressed up as intention.

Marriage should feel like clarity, not confusion. Respect, not evaluation games. Peace, not pressure.

Sincerity doesn’t need manipulation. It stands on its own.

🛑 Sneak peaks of the Between Hearts and Decree Series starting THIS THURSDAY with Dr Lucy Verwey

💜 From Hearts to Decree Series - Navigating Relationships as Muslims, moving from toxic dynamics to healthy love 💔You ha...
03/05/2026

💜 From Hearts to Decree Series - Navigating Relationships as Muslims, moving from toxic dynamics to healthy love 💔

You have seen the sneak peaks, now join us from the comfort of your own home to discuss some much needed topics in our community 🍿

Starting this Thursday, May 7th @ 7pm with Dr Lucy Verwey (PhD) â˜Ș

✹ Melbourne Muslimahs Sisters & Kids PICNIC! ✹Join us for a beautiful Sisters Picnic as we come together to celebrate in...
02/05/2026

✹ Melbourne Muslimahs Sisters & Kids PICNIC! ✹

Join us for a beautiful Sisters Picnic as we come together to celebrate in joy, sisterhood, and community 💛

📍 Coburg Lake
📅 Saturday 9th May
⏰ 12PM – 3PM

Bring along a plate of food to share and enjoy a relaxing afternoon

đŸŽŸïž Tickets: $5
https://salaamtix.com/e/melbourne-muslimahs/melbourne-muslimahs-sisters-picnic

All proceeds go towards Rebuilding Lives– making your Ű­Ű¶ÙˆŰ± even more meaningful đŸ€

We can’t wait to see you there! đŸŒ·

30/04/2026

Jummah Giving 🕌

Only 80 people @ $100 each left to go so we can open House 4 🏡

Donate here 👇

http://muslimahs.org.au/donate/

Rebuilding Lives
BSB: 033-134
Acc: 514 251

Are perpetrators of trauma bonding aware of what they’re doing—and are they capable of healthy love?This is one of the m...
29/04/2026

Are perpetrators of trauma bonding aware of what they’re doing—and are they capable of healthy love?

This is one of the most painful and confusing questions people ask after experiencing a trauma-bonded relationship:

“Did they know what they were doing to me?”
“Were any of their feelings real?”

The honest answer is complex.

---

Are they aware?

Sometimes yes.
Sometimes no.
Sometimes
 partially.

Some individuals are very aware of their behaviour:

- they know when they are manipulating
- they know when they are pulling you back in
- they know the effect they have on you

Others operate more subconsciously:

- repeating patterns they’ve learned
- reacting from unresolved trauma
- lacking emotional regulation or self-awareness

But here is what matters more than awareness:

The impact remains the same.

Whether intentional or not, the result is:

- confusion
- emotional highs and lows
- instability
- and deep attachment through pain

---

Are they capable of healthy love?

Potentially—yes.

But only under very specific conditions:

- deep self-awareness
- genuine accountability
- willingness to change harmful patterns
- consistent effort over time (not just words)
- often professional help or therapy

Without these, the pattern does not change.

---

What many people hope for

That the “good version” of them:

- the loving
- the attentive
- the soft


is the real version, and the hurtful behaviour is just temporary.

But in reality:

Both versions are real.

And healthy love is not defined by moments of kindness—
it is defined by consistency, safety, and respect.

---

A difficult but important truth

You can’t love someone into becoming healthy.

And potential does not create a safe relationship.

---

💭 The real question is not:
“Are they capable of healthy love?”

It is:
“Are they consistently choosing it—with me?”

Because love is not what someone feels in moments


It is what they repeatedly do.

📌 More reflections like this coming soon in the “Between Hearts & Decree” series.

The damage infidelity does to a spouse — and what cheating says about the choices being madeInfidelity is not “just a mi...
28/04/2026

The damage infidelity does to a spouse — and what cheating says about the choices being made

Infidelity is not “just a mistake.”

It is a series of choices.

A choice to:

- cross boundaries
- hide the truth
- betray trust
- and place personal desire above the safety of the relationship

Cheating does not happen in one moment.

It usually begins with smaller choices first:

- secret messaging
- emotional closeness with someone outside the marriage
- flirtation
- deleting conversations
- seeking validation elsewhere
- meeting in secrecy

By the time physical betrayal happens, many boundaries have already been crossed.

---

For the spouse who is betrayed, the damage can be profound.

Research shows that infidelity can trigger betrayal trauma, with symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress.

This can include:

- intrusive thoughts
- anxiety
- insomnia
- hypervigilance
- panic
- loss of appetite
- depression
- loss of self-esteem
- difficulty trusting again

Many spouses begin questioning:

- their worth
- their attractiveness
- their reality
- whether anything in the relationship was real

That is the cruelty of betrayal:
it doesn’t just break trust,
it can break a person’s sense of self.

---

And we need to be honest:

The cheater chose to do it.

They chose secrecy over honesty.
They chose gratification over integrity.
They chose to risk the emotional safety of their spouse.

That choice says something deeply painful:

In that moment, they were not protecting the heart of the person they claimed to love.

Instead of asking:

«“How will this affect my spouse?”»

they chose:

«“What do I want right now?”»

This does not always mean they never loved their spouse.

But it does mean that in that moment,
their actions did not reflect love, respect, or protection.

Because real love protects.

Real love guards boundaries.

Real love does not gamble with someone’s peace.

---

💭 Cheating is never something that “just happened.”
It is a series of decisions that leave lasting wounds on the person betrayed.

📌 More reflections in the “Between Hearts & Decree” series.

When trauma affects a woman’s hijab and confidenceAfter a traumatic relationship, it is understandable that some Muslim ...
25/04/2026

When trauma affects a woman’s hijab and confidence

After a traumatic relationship, it is understandable that some Muslim women experience a deep loss of confidence.

Trauma can affect:

- self-worth
- identity
- confidence
- and even one’s relationship with faith

Sometimes this pain shows up in how a woman sees herself.

She may begin to question:

- her worth
- her beauty
- her strength
- even her hijab

For some, the emotional wounds are so deep that they may feel like removing hijab or pulling away from parts of their deen.

This struggle is real, and it deserves compassion, not judgment.

But it is important to remember:

Do not let the harm someone caused pull you further away from Allah ï·».

The perpetrator may have wounded your heart, but do not allow that wound to take from your worship, your dignity, and your good deeds.

Hardship is a test, and Allah ï·» reminds us to seek help through patience and prayer:

«“O you who believe, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.”
(Qur’an 2:153)»

This is not about blaming a woman who is struggling.

It is about gently reminding her that her healing should bring her closer to Allah, not further away.

The one who hurt you should not have the power to shake your relationship with your Lord.

Sometimes healing means rebuilding:

- confidence
- self-respect
- and connection to your faith

one step at a time.

💭 Let your recovery be an act of worship, not a continuation of what was taken from you.

📌 More reflections in the “Between Hearts & Decree” series.

It is a betrayal to hide abuse from a potential spouse.Too often, a troubled young man’s behaviour is already known:‱ dr...
24/04/2026

It is a betrayal to hide abuse from a potential spouse.

Too often, a troubled young man’s behaviour is already known:

‱ drugs
‱ sleeping around
‱ aggression
‱ abuse toward others

Yet instead of addressing the issue, families rush to send him overseas to marry a young, innocent woman, believing marriage will “fix him.”

But what too often happens?

She becomes the next victim.

Marriage is not rehabilitation at the expense of another human being.

A woman is not a treatment plan for a man’s unresolved issues.

This must also be said clearly:

It is not backbiting (ghibah) to disclose known abuse in matters of marriage. In fact, it can be obligatory.

The Prophet ï·ș himself advised Fatimah bint Qays about prospective husbands and disclosed harmful traits to protect her interests in marriage.

So concealing known violence, addiction, or abusive behaviour under the excuse of “not exposing him” is not piety.

It is deception.

Parents and family members who knowingly hide this about a troublesome son also carry that sin.

Protecting family reputation must never come before protecting someone’s daughter.

Hiding known abuse is not saving face.

It is participating in deception and enabling oppression.

It is better for a son to remain unmarried while he seeks repentance, treatment, and reform than for another woman to be handed into abuse.

Marriage does not cure abusive character.

Accountability, repentance, and real change do.

📌 More reflections in the “Between Hearts & Decree” series.

23/04/2026

🕌 Its Jummah 🕌

Alhamduliaaa we have been offered the perfect house to be used as House 4 which will drastically reduce our waiting list times 🏡

We have two thirds of what we need to complete our goal to secure this much needed house â˜Ș

Only 900pp @ $100 or 180pp @ $50 each will complete the goal đŸ€Č

Donate here 👇

http://muslimahs.org.au/donate/

Rebuilding Lives
BSB: 033-134
Acc: 514 251

Address

Melbourne, VIC

Telephone

+61455657026

Website

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