Science Minded, Kangaroo Point (2026)

30/08/2026

I saw a TikTok recently that suggested a tiny change in thinking:

Next time someone cuts you off in traffic, instead of assuming they’re an inconsiderate jerk, assume they’re desperately trying to get home to do a poo.

😂

Ridiculous? Yes.

But also… kind of brilliant.

Because life gets a little easier when we stop assuming people are doing difficult things because they’re difficult people and start wondering whether they might be having a difficult time.

Known in research as "Unconditional Positive Regard", this concept is particularly powerful with children because it helps us embrace the idea that they are so rarely trying to give us a hard time. It's MUCH more likely that they’re having a hard time.

Maybe our child didn’t ignore us. Maybe shifting their attention away from what they were doing was genuinely hard.

Maybe they’re not trying to ruin everyone’s morning. Maybe getting dressed, finding their shoes, remembering their bag and leaving the house is asking more of their executive functioning than they have available right now.

Maybe they’re not being dramatic about the broken banana. Maybe, for their three-year-old nervous system and hard to manage emotions, it really does feel that big.

Maybe they’re not smirking because they don’t care. Maybe they’re uncomfortable, nervous and have absolutely no idea what their face is supposed to be doing right now.

This doesn’t mean pretending behaviour doesn’t matter. I mean, sometimes people cut us off in traffic because they’re inconsiderate jerks. Sometimes children knowingly do things they shouldn’t.

But we rarely know someone else’s internal experience with the certainty we think we do.

And the story we tell ourselves changes our response.

“They’re deliberately making my life difficult” primes us for battle. “They’re having a hard time. I wonder what’s going on?” makes room for curiosity.

Same child. Same behaviour. Different adult.

Perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give children is simply to think highly of them.

To make our first interpretation generous, and when necessary, assume they really need to poo.

28/08/2026

A child laughs after knocking over another child's tower of blocks.
We intervene to help.
And they laugh...

We think "Ohhhhh no you didn't"

Because now it doesn’t just feel like they did something they shouldn’t have done.

It feels like they don’t care. Maybe they’re even enjoying our frustration.

It can look and feel incredibly provocative.

But we have to tread carefully, because a smile or laugh isn’t a reliable window into someone else’s intentions and laughter isn’t always evidence that a child thinks something is funny.

Humans smile when we’re happy, of course. But we can also smile or laugh when we’re nervous, embarrassed, uncomfortable, overwhelmed or unsure what to do next. Children do this too.

In tense social moments, children can smile or laugh when they’re nervous, embarrassed, unsure what response is expected or they might be trying to reduce the intensity of it all.

Sometimes that grin in a tense moment may be less: “I think this is hilarious.”

and more: “There is suddenly a LOT happening here and I don’t quite know what to do with myself.”

That doesn’t mean we ignore what happened.

The tower still matters. The other child still matters. The boundary still matters: “I won’t let you knock down their building. Let’s see what we can do to help.”

What changes is the story we tell ourselves about the child while we hold the boundary.

It changes the story from: "This child has no empathy and is going to become a serial killer"
to: "This kid might be confused and need some support with their developing social skills"

It's so important for us to remember that behaviour gives us clues, but it doesn’t give us direct access to another person’s mind.

Have you ever had a child smile or laugh at exactly the wrong moment?

References: Niedenthal et al. (2010); Rychlowska et al. (2017)

26/08/2026

We often treat movement as the thing children need to finish before the “real learning” can begin.

Sit down.
Stop wriggling.
Come to the mat.
Hands in your lap.

But movement is not a detour from development.

Young children use their bodies to explore space, force, balance, timing, cause and effect, risk and their own physical capabilities. Active play also creates opportunities for problem-solving, social negotiation and self-directed challenge.

For some children, asking for stillness also increases the executive load of the task. They’re using precious cognitive resources to inhibit their body before they’ve even begun the learning we care about.

The better question is sometimes not:
“How do we get them to sit still?”

But: “Does this actually require stillness?”

There are absolutely moments children need to be still. But stillness shouldn’t become our default definition of readiness to learn.

Research: Diamond (2013); Brussoni et al. (2015).

What's the best learning you've seen lately that happened without sitting still? I'll go first (check the comments for my example!)

24/08/2026

Why do children ignore us when we KNOW they heard us?

Sometimes because hearing us and being able to stop, shift attention, hold our instruction in mind AND act on it are completely different developmental tasks.

When we say, “Shoes on, grab your bag, find your hat and get in the car”, we’re asking a young child to use attention, working memory, inhibition and cognitive flexibility all at once while completing a minimum of four separate tasks.

And for a 4-year-old, sophisticated language itself is still brand new.

So before deciding they’re ignoring us (which they very well may be), we can try to reduce the developmental load:

• Go to them
• Get their attention
• Use fewer words
• Give one step at a time
• Show, don’t just tell
• Help them start

This doesn’t mean children never deliberately ignore us. Of course they do. It means “they heard me” isn’t the same as “their brain could organise a response quickly”.

Sometimes the most effective instruction is the one we help them get started on.

What instruction do you find yourself repeating 82 times a day? And why is it always shoes 😂 Let me know in the comments, I'll go first!

References: Diamond (2013).

18/08/2026

I’ve been sitting on some very exciting news.

I’ve signed a book deal with Hachette, which still feels slightly surreal to type.

The book is about something I’ve been thinking, researching, speaking and probably ranting about for years:

What if parenting isn’t supposed to be quite this hard?

Not because children should be easier, or because we’re trying too hard, but because somewhere along the way, I think we’ve made childhood harder to understand.

We’ve become incredibly focused on “managing” children, or ourselves, in an attempt to optimise parenting. We want the secret tricks to get them to listen, cooperate, sit still, calm down, regulate their emotions and become resilient.

And in all that effort to raise children well, I wonder if we’ve sometimes forgotten to actually enjoy them.

This book is my attempt to bring us back to the child in front of us.

And while I often talk about parenting, this book is absolutely for educators and teachers too. Really, it’s for anyone who spends their days alongside children and wants to understand them better.

We’re going to talk about why children make so much more sense when we understand their developing brains, nervous systems and bodies:

Attachment. Temperament. Sensory processing. Executive function. Movement. Play. Regulation. Big feelings. Behaviour. Boundaries. Neurodiversity.

Basically, why behaviour that looks defiant, dramatic, attention-seeking or just plain baffling often makes much more sense when we understand what’s happening underneath it.

There will be science. Lots of science. Obviously.

But there will also be spiders, ninja jumps, ridiculous questions and my own two little humans woven through it.

Because this isn’t about creating perfect children, parents or educators. (They don’t exist!)

It’s about understanding childhood well enough that maybe we can worry a little less and enjoy the extraordinary, messy, chaotic, magical little people in front of us a whole lot more.

And because I’m writing this book for the adults actually living and working alongside children, I’d love your input.

What do you wish you understood more about kiddos? Let me know in the comments!

13/08/2026

Rewards absolutely have a place in parenting. We don't need to feel guilty because we bought our child an ice cream after swimming or celebrated a great soccer game with a treat.

Life is full of celebrations: Birthdays. Graduations. Promotions. Achievements. Children deserve celebration too.

The question we want to focus on isn't "Are rewards bad?", it's "What do I want my child to notice about this experience?"

Children already come equipped with an incredible capacity for intrinsic motivation. Nobody promises a toddler chocolate if they keep practising walking. Children are naturally driven to explore, practise, master skills, belong and become more capable.

Our job isn't always to manufacture motivation. Sometimes it's to protect the motivation that's already there.

Imagine your child scores a goal, they might think:

"I've been practising."
"I'm getting better."
"I helped my team."
"That felt AMAZING."

But if every goal earns $5, something can shift. Instead of noticing the pride, mastery or contribution, they may start noticing the payment. Research on motivation suggests that expected external rewards can sometimes crowd out intrinsic motivation, particularly when they're used for activities a child already enjoys.

This doesn't mean rewards are bad.

Some things simply aren't intrinsically motivating. Brushing teeth, taking medicine, getting immunisations. Sometimes external motivation is a useful scaffold.

We just don't want the scaffold to become the whole structure.

So instead of only asking: "How do I get my child to do this?"
Try asking: "What do I eventually want them to value?"

We can help them notice the natural rewards:

"You worked really hard for that."
"Did you notice how much easier that felt?"
"You looked so proud."
"It feels good to help your team."

And then? Buy the ice cream. Because if every swimming lesson ends with sitting together, chatting AND sharing an ice cream. How beautiful is that? It means it's not about the ice cream, it's about ritual, attention, delight, celebration and connection.

Let's celebrate our children. Connect with them. And buy the ice cream.

References: Deci, Koestner, & Ryan 1999; Ryan & Deci 2000

29/07/2026

One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to think highly of them.

Not because they always deserve praise.
Not because their behaviour is always acceptable.
But because the story we tell ourselves about our children shapes how we respond to them.

When we begin to see a child as "manipulative", "attention seeking", "naughty" or "difficult", it becomes much easier to justify responding with frustration, punishment or emotional distance.

When we instead hold them in unconditional positive regard, we ask different questions.

🤔"What might be happening for this child?"
🤔"What need is underneath this behaviour?"
🤔"How can I hold this boundary while protecting our relationship?"

Unconditional positive regard doesn't mean having no boundaries. It doesn't mean excusing hurtful behaviour and it doesn't mean lowering expectations.

In fact, I think it's the opposite.

The children we hold in the highest regard are the ones we believe are capable of learning, repairing, growing and doing better.

High expectations and high warmth belong together.

We can calmly stop behaviour that isn't okay while communicating: "I may not like what you're doing right now, but I will never stop seeing your worth."

That doesn't make children entitled, it makes them feel safe enough to learn. Shame rarely inspires lasting change but Connection does.

The children who most test our capacity for connection are often the ones who need it most.

Sometimes the most important thing we can protect isn't our child's self-esteem. It's our own ability to keep seeing the good in them, even on their hardest days.

References: Rogers, 1957; 1961; Bowlby, 1988; Powell, Cooper, Hoffman, & Marvin, 2013; Siegel, & Bryson, 2020; Tangney, Stuewig, & Mashek, 2007

27/07/2026

Most parents have had this moment.

Our child is running laps around the lounge room.
Jumping on the couch.
Emptying every drawer.
Demanding you watch every cartwheel.
Saying "No!" to everything.

It's easy to think, "Why are they doing all this and how do I make it stop?!"

But there's a better question...
"What developmental drive is trying to be met?"

Children don't play randomly, their brains and bodies are constantly seeking the experiences they need to grow.

🔸Seeking movement because their nervous system and motor systems need it

🔸Driven by exploration, taking apart the remote or mixing every bottle in the shower because curiosity is how children learn

🔸Seeking mastery, repeating the same puzzle, trick or LEGO creation for the hundredth time because practice builds competence

🔸Looking for connection, asking us to watch every jump or join every game because shared joy is one of childhood's greatest teachers

🔸Testing risk, climbing higher and balancing further because capability grows at the edge of challenge

🔸Seeking power, insisting on doing it themselves or wanting to make the rules because children are wired to discover how they can influence their world

🔸Expressing something they can't yet put into words through stories, pretend play or dramatic games

This doesn't mean we say yes to every behaviour. Of course not. But it can be helpful to learn how to separate the drive from the behaviour.

The drive is often healthy, the behaviour might need a different, safer, more sustainable outlet.

Instead of: "Stop climbing the kitchen bench!"

We can try: "You've got a body that's looking for a climbing challenge. Let's find somewhere safe to climb."

Trying to stop the drive is a losing battle. Instead, we lean in and find a way to redirect it, that's one way we can all win.

Because when we understand what children are trying to achieve through play, we stop seeing problems to fix and start seeing developing humans telling us exactly what they need.

What "annoying" play phase is happening in your house right now?

15/06/2026

Fire alarm aren't the problem.

They alert us to a problem.

The same is often true of children's behaviour.

When children hit, scream, refuse, throw, run away or melt down, our attention is naturally drawn to the behaviour itself. We want the behaviour to stop.

Sometimes this leads us to focus on consequences, rewards, scripts and behaviour management strategies.

The difficulty is that behaviour is often a symptom, not the cause.

A child who lashes out may lack the skills to handle frustration.

A child who refuses may feel overwhelmed.

A child who melts down may be exhausted, stressed, hungry, anxious or struggling with expectations that exceed their current capacity.

When we focus exclusively on stopping the behaviour, we can miss the information the behaviour is trying to communicate.

This doesn't mean having no boundaries. Children need clear, consistent limits.

It means pairing boundaries with curiosity.

Instead of only asking, "How do I make this stop?"

We can also ask, "What need or skill is this behaviour pointing me towards?"

Because when we address the fire, the alarm becomes a lot quieter.

References:

Greene (2014); National Scientific Council on the Developing Child. (2004);
Siegel & Bryson (2011)

13/06/2026

One of the biggest mistakes we make with young children is assuming that because they can talk, they should be able to consistently act on what we say.

A four-year-old has only been using sophisticated language for a couple of years.

A five-year-old? Not much longer.

Yet we often expect them to hear an instruction, stop what they're doing, shift their attention, remember the request, organise their body and follow through immediately.

That's actually quite a complicated task.

What makes this even harder is that children don't learn primarily through explanations.

They learn through relationships, observation, imitation and experience.

Think about how children learn to talk in the first place. We don't sit them down and teach them grammar rules. They learn by listening to the people around them, watching what they do and joining in.

Behaviour develops in much the same way.

This is why children can often tell you the rule but still struggle to follow it.

Knowing what to do and being able to do it are two very different things.

So when we find ourselves repeating:

"Put your shoes on."

"Pack away the toys."

"Come to the table."

over and over again, it can be worth asking a different question.

Have I only told them what to do?

Or have I shown them?

Children are apprentices in being human.

They are constantly watching how we speak, move, respond to frustration, solve problems and treat other people.

Our modelling is often far more powerful than our explanations.

This doesn't mean children don't need boundaries or expectations. They absolutely do.

But sometimes the most effective way to teach a behaviour is not another reminder.

It's showing them what it looks like.

Because young children often learn more from what we consistently do than from what we repeatedly say.

Comment below - What's something you've caught your child copying from you recently?

References: Bandura (1977); Diamond (2013)

Science Minded

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