07/10/2026
I’ve felt the judgement. I’ve heard “selfish” when I’ve spoken honestly about my experience as a military spouse and now a veteran’s wife.
It’s an emotional roller coaster: grief, shame, anger, resentment, pride, purpose and love, sometimes all in one day.
How dare I feel resentment when I share my husband with my country? How could I feel anything but pride in a man who served with conviction and integrity?
But I felt both. Pride and love don’t erase the loneliness, hurt or cost.
Speaking at Pucka about the tears and dark, lonely journey through deployments and transition, I knew some would hear an “unsupportive wife”. Yet others recognised their own experience, the strain on their marriage, its breakdown, or the impact on their family.
We cannot overlook the impact on our children. For some families, it continues long after service ends.
This isn’t everyone’s story. Many spouses have been happy with military life, and their experiences deserve to be heard too. But I know others have stayed silent through shame or fear of judgement.
Countless people have said, “Thank you for sharing what I’ve never been able or too afraid to say.”
It’s for them that I’ll continue to speak.
Finding purpose doesn’t mean the pain has disappeared. We can be grateful for today and still feel the effects of what we’ve lived through.
I’m not asking to be labelled a victim. I’m asking for the impact of service on families to be recognised and supported through action.
Royal Commission acknowledgement must be followed by practical support: funding for partner and family programs led by peers who understand the journey, programs that help people heal, rebuild connection, and find hope and purpose.
We can honour someone’s service while acknowledging what it has cost those who love them. We cannot isolate the veteran experience from the family. We lived it too.
I’m looking forward to attending the DVA Veteran Family Forum, bringing my lived experience and advocating for support that reflects the whole family.
Our families deserve to be heard and supported to heal.