Fill Their Shoes

22/12/2021

"As I walked through the Christmas card section looking for cards, it really hit me again that Dad wasn't going to be here in person this year. He always loved sending cards for special occasions (especially Christmas) and we loved giving them in return. It's those moments that really sting when it hits you that their really gone. You want to scream and cry. Sometimes that's ok, but I try to remember all of the years we had together when I could give him a card and I was happy to open his."
~ Anonymous
What stands out to you the most this Holiday season as you navigate on your grief journey?

20/12/2021

A beautiful share from Hey God. Hey John.💛

Me: Hey God.

God: Hey John.

Me: Can you end my grief?

God: I could - but why?

Me: So I can stop being overwhelmed by my sadness.

God: There is something worse than grief.

Me: What's that?

God: Feeling nothing. Let grief come. Let it stay as long as it needs to. Let it go. Let it come back. It's all a process. It's all a slow boil.

Me: So my grief will never end?

God: Not as long as you love the one who is gone. But that doesn't mean that your grief won't take 1000 different forms. Sometimes your grief will look like clouds in the sky or tears on your pillow or memories in your mind. Grief is formless. It will come and go like the tide. Don't fight it. Don't race through it. Don't let other people tell you how to grieve. Your grief is your own. Honor your grief.

Me: How do I honor my grief?

God: Grab a pen and write down what I'm about to tell you.

*****

when somebody else tries
to tell you how you should grieve

smile and forgive them
through your watering eyes

and then imagine
how lonely it must be
to be the person who
audits the tears
of other people

the well-intended
will tell you how
long you should miss
your beloved

but

you take your time

grief is a hedge maze
and being lost inside of it

is more than okay

don't race through
your heartache

because you might
just miss a miracle
or two

in the teardrops rolling
down your face

don't grieve quickly
just to make somebody
else feel better

if you need to,
let your grief
become a coral reef

let the algae of your hurt
slowly form over the years
into the softest violet hue of heaven

it can take two lifetimes to recover

when our beloved becomes
an empty chair

it's okay

take as much time
as you need

your healing is your healing

and the scars of absence
will itch longer than you can imagine

but that is because you
risked to love so deeply

and that is far better than
the alternative

I am proud of you

and the courage it
takes for you to grieve
so fearlessly

don't listen to those
who want you to go back
to normal

normal will never exist again
for those of us who have
lost a part of our heart

if the moon broke in half
would it feel normal?

to hell with normal

normal was their scent on your collar
normal was their voice resting in your ear
normal was their touch on your skin

you have a new normal

it's looking at the shape of clouds
for messages from the great beyond
that your beloved is fine

you have a new normal

it's building a cabin in
the woods of your memory
where you and your beloved
can meet for lunch

you have a new normal

it's crying and laughing
at the same time
whenever their favorite
song plays on the radio

grief isn't the enemy
of life

numbness is

don't become numb to your suffering

welcome it in
and let it wrap you
up like a blanket

whenever it shows up
at your door

it's okay

I swear

it's okay

your beloved misses you just
as much as you miss them

and someday
you two will
get all tangled up
together again

someday
you two will
push each on a
swing again under
a shower of falling blooms

and someday
you two will ride
comets together
on the edge of everything

and someday
you two will giggle
at all of the people
who tried to tell you

how to grieve

~ john roedel (johnroedel.com)

17/12/2021

Surviving Grief always provides healing words and a refreshing perspective on the journey of grief. May this recent post bring many of you comfort.

The Truth About Time

People always say 'time heals'…but you won’t hear me say that very often. It’s just one of those platitudes that doesn’t really seem to help…especially in the early days and months after a major loss.

Sometimes time only seems to make it harder. If you lost someone you love…then you know that it’s really just more time without them.

It’s more time without seeing their face, hearing their voice, feeling their hug, having them to talk to…all those things you never seem to stop missing.

Sure…time heals the intensity of the pain…but I’m not convinced it changes anything when it comes to how much you continue to miss their presence in the world.

Here’s the thing…you can never really be prepared for how much their absence can hurt.

Time doesn’t make the grief go away…the grief just teaches you how really amazing what you had was…and why losing it hurts so much.

But…maybe the person you love wouldn’t want you to spend too much time missing them…and would prefer you made the most out of every day you have left. To take every opportunity and try your best in all that you do.

The only truth about time is that it marches on…and maybe the best way to honor the one you love and lost..is to be kind to yourself…and continue to live.

Gary Sturgis - “Surviving Grief”

16/12/2021

For some, the Holiday Season is bittersweet after the loss of a loved one or someone special. There are many ways we can draw strength during times of sadness. This recent article from the National Catholic Register shares some beautiful ways you can navigate through the Holiday Season. Please share with a loved one or friend who might benefit.
https://bit.ly/3dXqcIc

Catholics grieving at this time of year find support from faith and family as they mourn‘at the foot of the manger.’