04/30/2026
No matter how carefully we plan, stuff happens. How do you handle life then? A good read about careful preparation and then … Go to the original post to read the comments.
This morning, I did an online webinar for Pearson’s autism conference. Because it was taking place in the US in the afternoon/evening, it was at 5am my time. I don’t normally do speaking engagements like that, but I was excited to partner with them. I didn’t want to take any more time off work, either, so I figured I’d just have a very early and very long day.
I knew that speaking really depletes me. I love speaking, it makes me feel like I’m operating at the top of my best self, but it really wears me out. So does waking up earlier than usual. Because of this, I did quite a lot of pre-planning. I made sure my clothes were laid out, I bought a caffeinated drink for the morning, I made sure I packed myself a breakfast and lunch, I packed my work bag and all the extra things I’d need for work. A lot of mornings I grab this stuff on my way out, but I pre-planned this time to reduce that load.
I also made myself a very granular to-do list for the morning. That way, if I was exhausted, I could follow the written plan in tiny, concrete steps.
The lecture went well and I was very grateful for my to-do list. It made it so easy to get out the door.
I was halfway to work before I realised that my planned, meal packed, perfect lunchbox was still sitting in the fridge.
I had even OPENED the fridge…to retrieve the water bottle I’d pre-prepared. I had packed my meal, too. Why did I forget the lunch box?
I forgot to put it on the list!
I walked out of the house going “ok I have my backpack, therapy iPad, and water bottle, the three things on my list,” and because lunchbox wasn’t on there, it got visually overlooked and completely forgotten.
Why am I sharing this?
Well, for one, I wanted to be open and honest about a grown person with massive amounts of executive functioning supports *still* missing something and forgetting it. I can know about executive functioning skills, write about them, know my own deficits, make a plan that tries to account for them, and *still* miss something and end up having to scramble for a new plan.
My backup plans were that I could run back home between the times that I saw two clients; I could get food from a nearby restaurant; or I could skip lunch. Going back home would take about 2x as long as getting food nearby. Getting food nearby would cost money. Skipping lunch would stretch my emotional regulation to the limit and make me much more upset and tired by the time I got home. Personally, in this instance, I chose to get food nearby. Money (or at least enough for lunch) is the resource I had in more abundance, or the one I would rather take a hit to, versus time between clients and emotional regulation with my kids at home. But if I was in different circumstances or a different day, it might be different. I might have no choice, or have to make a different choice.
How much more our kids, who are still children, immature (because they are literally not mature), still learning! Of course they are going to make mistakes in their executive functioning. Of course they are going to need help from executive functioning supports outside of their own brain, and of course they are going to need someone to help construct these supports in the first place.
The last reason I wanted to share this was because I felt guilty about buying myself lunch. I felt like I shouldn’t buy myself lunch, because I was “rewarding” myself for having forgotten my lunch. I know not to listen to this voice in my brain, so I didn’t. I knew it was more important that I eat food, so I did.
The leftover voices of punishment live in my brain. To my recollection, I never specifically forgot my lunch and anybody wouldn’t give me a replacement lunch; it’s not that specific. It’s just the messaging that if you get something wrong then you deserve to be made to feel worse, not better; that feeling better after making a mistake would mean it hadn’t been sufficiently atoned for yet.
Now I know and I remind myself there is no atonement necessary. I did work today and it helped many people. I successfully helped myself get lots of the support that I needed to be able to do that. I forgot one of them so I problem-solved and took care of myself. That’s successes all around.
[Image description:
A screenshot of my to-do list for today with everything checked off, so you can see exactly how granular it was:
Wake up
Get dressed - clothes laid out
Get coffee and water in glass
Get online and set up
Speak
Take a whole water bottle and replenish it in fridge
Take backpack and iPad and go to work
First 2 clients — have slime things in backpack for glow slime, clay slime
Breakfast after clients - in backpack
End description.]
