10/11/2026
Coming Out, Finding Community: The History of National Coming Out Day in Tulsa
By Mary Bishop-Baldwin | Oklahomans for Equality History Project
That national conference mentioned in the article was a February 1988 gathering in Warrenton, Virginia, of “approximately 200 recognized leaders of the national GLBT community” who collaborated on strategies to change public policy toward g**s. A formal statement from the group prioritized visibility of the community through coming out. “We are mindful of the invisibility of our community,” it said. “As long as the overwhelming majority of our community remains closeted we will continue to be dismissed. We must do a better job of encouraging people to begin the process of coming out, and to support them when they do. We all know the exhilarating liberation of the process. We must convey that to others. The closet means invisibility, impotence, crippling and even death.”
Later in the statement, the organizers said: “Finally, we must have a national coming out day, or week, to be held in the fall. We recognize that coming out is a process, not a single event. On the coming out event we can encourage everyone in our community to take the next step – it may be coming out to a friend, to a sister or brother, to parents, to coworkers, or even in the media. Or it might be to join a gay organization, to become an activist, to engage in civil disobedience. We must move to the next stage, no matter where on the spectrum we presently are.”
As that first National Coming Out Day approached, TOHR reported in the October 1988 edition of the TOHR Reporter that:
“The goal of National Coming Out Day, Oct. 11,1988, is to increase the visibility and the political clout of the more than 25 million gay men and le***ans in this country.
“Coming out is the most self-empowering and political move that any one of us can make. Coming out is a liberating experience that enhances our self-esteem. It enables us to share our true selves and feelings with the people we care about – our families and friends.
“Coming out also is a political act that uses gay visibility to influence the attitudes of people who respect us.
“We are of all races and religions. We work in every profession in every city. We touch the lives of millions of people whose negative view of homosexuality would change dramatically if they were to know who we are.
“By remaining silent, we ensure our continued oppression as we allow an ignorant and intolerant society to make the rules that govern our lives.
“On Oct. 11, the first anniversary of the historic March on Washington for Le***an and Gay Rights, hundreds of thousands of people will be bringing the spirit of the march home to their local communities. Be one of those people. Help to create a world where le***ans and gay men can live and work with their heterosexual counterparts as equal citizens in a society that recognizes their legitimacy and place in America!”
The article offered some “ideas for coming out”:
•Speak the truth when asked, “So are you engaged yet?”
•Stop lying to your fraternity brother about all the women you’ve had
•Call him a him and her a her when talking about your love life
•Acknowledge that “those roses” are not from your mother
•Be affectionate with your lover upon arrival or departure at the airport
•Put your lover’s photo on your desk at work
•Read a gay paper on the bus or in a restaurant
•Take your lover home for the holidays
•Come out to your family – parents, brothers and sisters
•Come out to your extended family – uncles, aunts and cousins
It also offered ways “non-gay friends of g**s” could offer support:
•Write a letter to your congressperson in support of human rights
•Challenge homophobic jokes and comments when you hear them
•Attend a le***an or gay event with your le***an and gay friends
Over the years, TOHR/OkEq and other organizations in Tulsa and across the nation have held events to mark National Coming Out Day.
The Tulsa Oklahomans for Human Rights Fall 2002 edition of The Torch newsletter notes that “many communities and college campuses sponsor activities such as dances, film festivals, workshops, literature booths, and rallies on National Coming Out Day.
Tulsans can do their part in this year’s National Coming Out Day. Simply stop by the TOHR Pride Store, located in the Tulsa GLBT Community Center, 2114 S. Memorial, and pick up a bumper sticker or T-shirt. Then slap that sticker on your car or wear that T-shirt.’
“Come out! It’s what you should do. Period.”
The November 1993 edition of The Parachute includes information about a National Coming Out Day event held by TOHR. It included an auction as well as free food and drinks.
The Oct. 15-Nov. 14, 1995, edition of the Tulsa Family News includes information about local NCOD events. The Family of Faith Metropolitan Community Church held a commemorative service attended by 35 people, the newspaper said. The University of Tulsa’s Bisexual, Le***an and Gay Alliance presented three days of programming ranging from a panel of PFLAG speakers to a discussion of g**s and le***ans in the church.
The next year, in 1996, multiple events again were held over a three-day period at TU. According to the September-October 1996 Tulsa Family News, a roundtable discussion of “Sexuality: Nature vs. Nurture” was held one evening, while a panel discussion on same-sex marriage was held the next. On the third day, all campus groups were invited to attend a Unity Party in honor of National Coming Out Day.
The August 1999 edition of the Tulsa Family News, as well as the publication’s September 1999 edition, reported that TOHR would present a National Coming Out Day Festival and Fair, which was to include a mini film festival.
The October 2001 edition of the Tulsa Family News reported that Tulsa’s PFLAG chapter was having a Come Out and Fly Your Kite event at a local park in honor of National Coming Out Day.
The Oct. 10, 2013, edition of the Oklahomans for Equality eNews contains a National Coming Out Day reminder that “OkEq offers a FREE Coming Out Workshop every Monday evening.”
In 2017, OkEq held a T-shirt printing and open mic Coming Out Day event at the Dennis R. Neill Equality Center. The community was invited to bring their own T-shirts and print their own messages on them for free and to tell their coming-out stories through comedy, poetry, spoken word or performance, the Sept. 27, 2017, OkEq eNews announced.
Oklahomans for Equality made a statement in the Oct. 10, 2018, eNews:
“Coming out – whether it is as le***an, gay, bi*****al, transgender, q***r or allied – STILL MATTERS. When people know someone who is LGBTQ, they are far more likely to support equality under the law. Beyond that, our stories can be powerful to each other.
“Every year on National Coming Out Day, we celebrate coming out as le***an, gay, bisexual, transgender, q***r (LGBTQ) or as an ally. On Oct. 11, 2018, we will mark the 30th anniversary of National Coming Out Day.
“Nearly 30 years ago, on the anniversary of the National March on Washington for Le***an and Gay Rights, we first observed National Coming Out Day as a reminder that one of our most basic tools is the power of coming out. One out of every two Americans has someone close to them who is gay or le***an. For transgender people, that number is only one in 10.”
In 2019, OkEq created an Facebook frame, which it promoted on a Facebook post featuring a photo of gay playwright Lynn Riggs.
The Oct. 11, 2021, OkEq eNews acknowledged that “in the LGBTQ2S+ community, ‘coming out’ is a process that never truly ends. First, we must come out to ourselves, accepting who we are in the community. Then comes telling others, which never really ends, as we have to keep coming out at work, with friendships, with family, and in other situations.
“It takes time. It takes tremendous self care. It takes a whole community of support to feel ready to come out! At Oklahomans for Equality, we are dedicated to helping individuals no matter where you are on your journey. Join us for our Coming Out Workshops, connect with our gender and sexuality support groups, get sliding scale fee counseling, visit our OKEQ Health Clinic for HRT services, and check out our LGBTQ+ Youth Group. Coming out is a journey, and we are here to support you!” (Groups and events at the Equality Center change from time to time. Check out what’s happening on Oklahomans for Equality’s event calendar here.)
So make your statement today, National Coming Out Day, but continue to honor yourself and our past during the entire month of October, LGBT History Month. Check out the Oklahomans for Equality History Project’s online archives at history.okeq.org. And you can come out, find your community and celebrate with Oklahomans for Equality at the Tulsa Pride parade and festival on Saturday, Oct. 17. Wear your rainbows. We’ll see you there.
