Zach's Protection

05/07/2026

Today….I am grumpy. I am tearful. I am short fused. I am trying to gather my thoughts up here with Zach before I go get William. All these huge emotions with selling our old home. Ultimately it all comes back to Zach’s loss.

I’m up here crying saying how much I miss him.

04/27/2026

The hardest part isn’t just losing your son…
it’s losing the life that was supposed to come with him.

All the moments you imagined without even realizing—
the conversations, the milestones, the ordinary days
that were meant to feel full because he was in them.

People think grief is about what was.
But a mother grieves what never got to be.

The birthdays that won’t look the same.
The future that will always feel incomplete.
The memories that were never given the chance to exist.

And that kind of loss is quiet…
but it stretches across a lifetime.

Because when you lose a child,
you don’t just lose a person—

you lose an entire world
that was meant to unfold with them.

04/24/2026

04/22/2026

Holy moly I am NOT a crier….but wow. 😭 I still try and not question God, but why did he need my beautiful boy? Why so young? What I would give to not be currently waiting for William to come out of counseling to help deal with this loss! What I would give to have more time with you!!!!!!!! But it would never be enough, no parent should bury their child. 💔

I miss you Zach-a-doo

42K likes, 1.9K comments. "Jelly Roll – Heaven Took You Early (NEW SONG 2026) | Country Song About Loss and Grief"

04/21/2026

My heart hurts today. I encountered a momma of recent loss today. Williams friends with his brother….I encouraged William to go talk to him, let him know he’s not alone in this HORRIBLE situation. He did, they seemed to have a good talk.

I can’t help but be sent right back into our early loss days. It’s exhausting. It’s gut wrenching. Yet one step in front of the other helps you get through. 💔😭

Momma I see you. I am a phone call/text away 541-405-0808
And I’m sending you such huge hugs!!!! I am hoping William and this boy can bond more than it seems they already are.

04/04/2026

I keep wondering what Easter feels like where you are… and if you can still feel me missing you.

Is it warm there?
Does it feel like peace?
Do you laugh the way you used to?

Because here…
it’s a strange mix of holding on and breaking quietly.

I smile when I think of you…
and cry because that’s all I have left to do.

Loving you didn’t end.
It just learned how to exist without you in my arms.

03/04/2026

02/18/2026

As I head to school to pick up my youngest today on KLOVE was a text message read from a fellow listener- “last week I was taking him to basketball practice, and now he’s sick in bed from all the chemo meds.”

My heart hurts for that family. I pray that baby makes a full recovery and can go on and testify what a good God we serve!

But weirdly it also gives me thankfulness- I know in my heart Zach left us on that beach. I know in my heart he felt NONE of the horrific pain from surgery, the neurological tests that had to do, and I know he didn’t struggle with taking his last breathes on earth. I am grateful we didn’t have to watch Zach suffer from an excruciating disease.

That boy knew no bad in his life. Well, he and his brother fought a lot but I think that’s just brother things. 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️ My youngest has been watching videos of them from when he was a baby, I am so thankful I took so many pictures and videos, and it just shows the love Zach had for him. We saw three deer on our way to school today in the yard. 🥰

Keep sending us signs Zach, they help!!!!

I love you so much son, and miss you terribly.

02/04/2026

Leave the porch light on for me up there.
I know you will be waiting.

I can see you under the soft glow.
Your wave and anticipation for this first visit.

Each step forward into each new day without you… I somehow get closer to the day…
we will catch up on everything that happened
in between Earth and and your departure into Heaven..

I will meet you there.
On that glorious day.
Under that comforting light.
When all the worry and stress of this world is done.

I can see you when I close my eyes.
You aren’t hurrying me.
Because all is well where you are.
In the place you got to first. And my arrival is just to be determined…

Your face is one of encouragement. As you stand on that porch step. Under that glowing light. Every day getting closer to my embrace.

Encouragement. For more adventures. Summoning the strength to go at some things alone. Collecting more moments that take my breath away. Some learning lessons on the way.

Happy tears intertwined with my memories of you.

So leave the porch light on for me up there.
While I continue to live each day in honor of you.
And we will sit on that porch step..
After this weary and trying journey..
and talk about it all.

On that glorious day.
When you will be among the first…
To welcome me Home.